Six month LID anniversary - does it even mean anything? I'm beginning to wonder if I should start counting seasons or years instead. Or maybe I'm just feeling like Weeping Wilma today. Some days it's a tough row to hoe.

School has been busy, but coaching has taken a lot out of me. Although I knew it would take time out of my schedule, I just didn't expect it to be so stressful. Mostly because every time I'm feeling like we're getting somewhere, another shoe drops. Of the 18 who were on the team last spring, I've now got 8 left. 2 quit before the first practice, 2 moved over the summer, 2 quit for another sport, 1 had a hissy fit and hasn't spoken to anyone in over a month, another thought her time would be better spent doing homework since she wasn't getting front positioning (lack of talent or inability to attend practices, notwithstanding), one couldn't handle the stress and I can't even remember the last one. I added 5 more this week and one hasn't bothered to show up for practice yet.

The team is all I think about - I fall asleep trying to think of ways to pull the team together and wake up thinking about dance routines. I'm trying to be more organized, but I think the vote is still out on that one. To be brutally honest, if I'd know it was going to be this stressful, I would never have applied for the job.

It's hard to keep a happy face on knowing that I'm failing at this every day. It's like a slow death - sucking what little joy there is out of my life. When you add in the knowledge that I'll be spending yet another holiday season hanging one more "waiting" ornament on the tree - well, it just sucks. If anyone knows an antidote, please let me know.

Ok, something to post.

The Nursery - nearly done.

(sorry about the photo quality... really the crib isn't bent like that)

I got a lot done this summer.

The closet - it's actually the lenght of the wall with a small space between. I decided to put in a narrow set of shelves there for smaller things. It's a CD/DVD rack from Ikea. I painted it Melon to add a bit of color to the room - with all the lilac, it's a bit cool. The Melon gives it a bit of pizzaz. Below are close-ups of the shelves. The tippy-top holds a little bird house!

"Koral Fisk" Laundry basket

("fisk" is swedish for "fish" - guess where I bought this?)

The only thing that is really left is some shelving to put up in the closet... otherwise it's just blankets, toys, clothes and books. I've not really been buying anything lately because I just don't know what's going to happen. Should I just buy things to dust for the next four years? Will the foster licensor ever finish the background check and approve me? Will a child ever be placed with me? How old exactly? So, really I'm back to "if it's a fantastic bargin."
Speaking of which ->
$2!!! Solid wood, a bit dusty, but in fantastic shape.

Helloooo......

I feel kinda bad that I've got nothing to write lately - my job keeps me busy and it seems like I've always got 10 people to call before the day ends... but it all seems a tad boring to write about. The most exciting thing that happened this week is that I discovered I may have a problem in giving vocabulary tests because I've got tables in my room now, instead of desks. I don't know really, since I haven't actually graded said tests... but the possibility is there. Should I, instead just march everyone down to the student center and sit them two at a table? This isn't really an option for my largest class, since there aren't that many tables down there. And, is it feasible on a weekly basis?

For my first real day off in three weeks (no one to entertain, watch over or work stuff), I took the dog to the beach for a short walk and tried to look at some garage sales. Mostly they were junky and crowded. I did pick up a boggle game for 50 cents. Wooot!

Referrals

Up to Nov. 25 - for those keeping track, that's 4 whopping days.

Sometimes I feel that this blog has become so negative, that even I don't want to visit it... and I'm not sure how to make it more positive. It is hard to remember the positives while this never ending wait drags on... but here are some I thought of today!

My father finished insulating the attic. Hopefully, I'll be able to be warmer this winter and keep some of the eletrict bills within a lower range. Whenever my daughter gets here, I know she'll appreciate being warm and cozy during the long winter rains. My tomatoes are starting to ripen. I'm sure to have a bumper crop this year! Good thing I love tomatoes! Lastly, the breadmaker my grandmother gave me works like a charm and I now have fresh bread whenever I want it!

A Year Ago Today

A year ago today I got a phone call saying that a single's spot had open for me. A year ago today, I thought I would be rushing around trying to gather money for the trip. A year ago today, so many things were different...

This past week has been stupendously busy. Coaching and preparing the upcoming school year has made for some very long days. I'm worried that I've taken on too much and won't be able to handle having a baby... I know I can quit and with a long wait ahead of me for China I should just sit back and relax about it. However, there's that pesky foster/adoption application sitting on someone's desk. My fingerprints were rejected and I had to send new ones in last week. Since then I've been so ambivalent about the whole thing, I'm tempted to call it off.

Then again, there are no guarantees on anything. Would calling it off put me in a bad light? Will I just get into another long line? Why couldn't I just have been a high school slut and had a baby at 16?