8 months... I almost wrote 9. Guess I'm starting to loose track of time. Have you bought anything for your baby this year? So far, I've bought a lot for others... and even thought about giving some of what I bought to someone else.

Tomorrow night is the foster-care home visit. It feels very anti-climatic

The To-Do List

Yesterday I didn't shop. Besides the fact that I really don't have a lot of money to shop with, I just didn't see anything that grabbed my attention. It's a sentiment I heard from many people, so I'm guessing that all crowds were of people who just wanted to shop. There were some good lap top deals, but I don't need one enough to fight the crowds.

Instead I spent the day doing genealogy research (and laundry). I stumbled on some new contacts on Thanksgiving and they wrote me back almost immediately. I know have copies of my great-great-great-grandfather's death certificate and will. You know what's really weird? With a few exceptions, my father's family all comes from the same general area in OH but apparently never met until arriving in Spokane, WA. I always heard stories about entire towns moving out to WA after getting letters from early arrivals - but an entire state? Even weirder? Part of my mother's family is from the same area too! Makes it easy to order records though.

Today, I'm putting Christmas lights, doing insulation (since it seems to be impossible to hire someone to do it with my schedule) and finishing the tree. I may have to buy new tree lights. My usual strand seems to have given up the ghost.

I think you get the message...

Another Bulleted Entry

• I put up shelves yesterday, however, they were in my storage room... not the baby's room.
• I finally remembered to take all my packages to the post office to be mailed, but remember my brother's present at the post office. I might just take it up to him on Thanksgiving.
• Our first dance team competition in on Dec. 8th and we don't have an entire routine planned out. We only have about a minute and half... it has to be at least two minutes.
• Dance Team uniforms arrive on Tuesday. You can't believe how happy I am about that. Until then, they've been wearing warms ups. I heard that at a football performance, several people said they didn't look good in the warm ups. I found out on Friday why... the current fashion for teens is long shirst that hang outside of jackets - they all wore white t-shirts that hung out. It looks like the white flag of 10 extra pounds (pounds that some just don't need) and sloppy. I can't believe the assistant coach let them on the field like that!
• I got into an argument with a couple of members of the dance team aobut wearing these shirts hanging out for the program photo. Guess who argued that most? Yep. The ones it looks the worst on. One actually said "it hides my bluge!"... by wrapping it in white on a dark background.
• I tell myself that, at one time, we all thought mullets were attractive. Ugly fads are always around.
• I'm having a hard time finding someone to finish insulating my attic. Of course, it may have something to do with my lack of follow up because I'm so busy with school, dance team and honor society.
• I'm so far behind in grading that I'm actually scared to start grading.

Hissy Fit

So, last week was all about having a hissy fit.

I've never been good at waiting for what I really want. I always peeked at my Christmas presents... and in fact, am so good that even now I can simply shake box to know it's contents. My family has tried various tricks over the years starting when I was three. My parents discovered that I could read and write Christmas Eve that year when pulling down presents from the top shelf of their closet. A box clearly marked "doll" had my name written all over it. Granted it wasn't the best hand writing, but it was clearly my name. It's still a mystery how I got up there since my partner in crime was barely 7 months old.

They've tried hiding at friends houses - still they had to come home at some point, see "box shaking" comment above. They tried not marking any wrapped presents under the tree and wrapping everything. It only too about a day to figure out the color coding system and find a razor blade... same for the numbering system. There were a couple of years of unwrapping my siblings gifts because without a color or number system, no one remembered what was what.

Now my family goes for a two-pronged offense. First they buy things that are really odd and not on my gift list. (my step-mother keeps a notebook all year long listening for ideas) and everything gets wrapped in unusal boxes or with confusing items. For example, a sweater is placed in an extra large box with a couple of handfuls of plastic flatware. Or a pair of boots are stuffed into an Amazon box with the Amazon packing pillows.

Needless to say there is no peeking with adoption from China. In fact, I'm not even sure there is anything to peek at. It's doubtful that the child I will be referred will even be born within the next two years. And who knows what will happen during that time??? Obviously, I'm not going to jump ship right now, because there's no reason to... but I do need to find something to help me through this wait. I'm obsessed with trying to find the light at the end of the tunnel... and it will drive me crazy if I don't stop.

China Adoption Forecast

has been updated. For those following along, it updated my predicted referral date to March 22, 2012. That adds another year to my waiting... or just another nail in the coffin of that dream.

I'm not going to pull my dossier, but right now, I'm not planning on updating it either. Seriously, I don't see the point in throwing good money after bad. In fact, it makes me more than slightly angry that I've spent the money I already have on something that apparently isn't going to happen. I realize I'm only 7 months into this, but realistically, I've already been waiting years. Waiting for this dream I've had since I was 4 years old... and I'm not willing to wait any longer.

It's time to move on.

I dunno if I'm going to counts months each month or just add them up for each event. At times I wonder if it even matters any more... in reading posts on various boards and groups, I can see people splitting into a few of groups: those who are just disconnected, those who are moving to SN and those who just don't know what to do. I guess you could put me in the group of disconnected... although am I really? I did still create the image for this post. A few days late, but done none the less.

I finished one fundraiser at school and am working on another. Tis the season, I guess. And since it's the first of Nov. I did listen to Christmas music today. I'm nearly finished with a scarf for my brother, I finished most of the pom bags for the team (ran out of cording) and purchased the supplies for a few more presents. A friend found out she's having a girl, my cousin is getting married and having a baby in May and two more students announced their pregnancies, so I guess those are more things to make to waste time...