Our Adoption Story

You know how you read those adoption stories where a baby just seems to fall in to a couple's arms? Or something that seems right out of Life*ti*me TV? I wanted to be that person. There are thousands of parents out that do.. and it's not realistic. Contrary commercials, news casts and telethons, adoption is hard. It's heartbreaking and joyous at the same time.

In 2005, I decided to adopt a child. I won't go into all the details surrounding this decision, but it wasn't something I just jumped at... I did a lot of soul searching, talking with friends and researching. I completed paperwork to adopt from China in early 2007. Just in time for the slow down. In fact, I knew it was slowing down as my paperwork was flown to China - I just didn't think it would drop to glacial speeds. When the wait for a referral hit the five year mark (four months after I submitted my paperwork!) I started to reassess. Five years is a long time and who knew if the wait would keep growing. I did not want to be a new mom at 60!

I started looking into domestic adoption and started down the path to adopting from foster care. I told myself I was walking in with my eyes open. I went to the informational/training classes “knowing” what I was in for. Ha! As I was officially licensed on a Friday at 5pm., I can’t really say it took less than 24 hours to get a placement. By the following Monday morning, however, I got a call. Two days later, Lala was home for the first time.

On the day Lala was born, I posted this. It’s funny that I mention how things change when something goes from possible to imminent. Little did I know that my daughter was being born a thousand miles away that very day. If I had known, I probably wouldn’t have been obsessing about clothes.

Eleven months later, she returned to her BM. I was very conflicted and I had a very sad Christmas. It’s not a memory I like to visit.

In February of 2009, I got a call asking to temporarily take in a seven month old boy. Two weeks at the most. When I got him home, he pee’d on me (as little boys are wont to do). He giggled and I said to him “you’re the one aren’t you? You’re going to stay.” He just smiled. Seriously.

In July of 2009, 8 months after Lala was returned to her BM, I was asked to provide respite for her. Two weeks at the most (do you see a pattern? I know I do.). I saddened. Not because I didn’t want to see her, I did, desperately… but all this moving around could not be good for her.

On November 8, 2010, we officially became a family. It didn’t really hit me until the next day. Then I just grinned like an idiot all day.

Five years. From 2011, it seems rather quick and easy. It wasn’t. But it wasn’t the decades that some people experience and still are… Sometimes I think it I’d started in 2005 with foster to adopt, I wouldn’t have waited so long, but then again, I wouldn’t have my children either. Maybe. Life works in weird ways sometimes.

Bringing in Spring – Simple Birdhouse Tutorial

April is nearly here! To celebrate our intermittent sunshine, Lala and I decided to get a little crafty and build ourselves a bird house!

First we got an empty half gallon milk carton. We have about a million of these as the cuddler is lactose intolerant, but for some reason manufacturers only sell in half gallon cartons. (PITA!)  I cut out out the front and approximately half of two sides. A “roof” is a good idea, to help keep the spring rains off of the seeds. It’s not perfect, but this is a simple bird house for those with the attention span of a three year old.

 

Lala inserted a left over shish kabob skewer through the bottom portion, so that the birds will have something to stand on while feasting on our yummy bird seed. Thin for little bird feet – hopefully the crows and seagulls won’t be able to get a good toe hold.

 

 

I poked a hold in the top, and Lala threaded a string through – FWIW, this is an important dexterity skill for kids. She was very proud of herself for doing this last step in our creation.

You can paint, just make sure to scrape off as much of the shiny coating as you can. Otherwise the paint won’t last more than a day. We did not bother to paint as the rain would have washed it off rather quickly and the dog probably would have eaten the paint chips from the ground. Our dog, while cute, is not the smartest. I also screwed the lid back on – no point in having a ‘roof’ if there is a hole in it.

 

Lala carefully filled the bottom with bird seed and I hung it outside of her bedroom window, so she would watch the birds.

I don’t know if we’ll actually get any birds, given that it’s spring and the dog goes crazy whenever a bird nears our yard, but given that the birds usually tease the dog by sitting just our of reach on a wire or fence post, they probably don’t give a hoot (see above).

Lala is just excited that it’s out there and it means there is something else to look at besides mud and rain puddles.

New Project

Spring time is the time to spruce up, make things anew and let the sun shine in! I have next week and I am planning to clean, declutter, paint, repair and weed up a storm. So, of course, that means starting a new project – because I might as well finish up a new one, while finishing the others. That makes sense right?

Ok, so my thinking might be a little off, but it works for me. Lala’s room was the original master bedroom. It has two closets. Lala does not need two closets. I do, however, desperately need storage space in the kitchen. For a mid-1950’s kitchen there is almost no storage space at all. Where did they put all those futuristic gadgets? The fine china that never got used? The canned goods for atomic attack?  Anyway, my kitchen feels cluttered and disorganized. A pantry would be fantastic!  I’m already planning out the shelving plan. 

First, the beadboard was removed from the dinning room by the contractor (I don’t do stuff requiring a circular saw)  - I really hope that brown stuff was some kind of glue… but really, in this town (where taste went to die) it’s entirely possible that someone thought it was cool color.

 

Also, please note the yummy wallpaper. I’ll bet it went perfectly with the dark brown hexagon tiles on the floor.  Actually, I find it really interesting to see the layers and wonder who was living here at the time. What were they thinking? I know it was in style – did someone put it up thinking “this is going to be soooo cute!” and fall in love with it?

 

 

Then the wall was removed. The pantry will have a pocket door (*squee!*), and that required much of the wall to be removed. Then we realized that probably the shelves from the closet would need something to hang on to that wasn’t the pocket door – yep, the whole wall had to come down to rebuild it to be able to hold the door and shelves and anything else I wanted.

Notice the cuddler helpfully attempting to electrocute himself. Luckily, not only were the wires capped, but they were also tucked into the wood and then wrapped heavily with electrical tape. My contractor has little kids too!

Everything was shimmed, screwed in place, wired, nailed, etc. all in preparation for the dry wall tomorrow. Hopefully, the contractor will be finished by Tuesday. Then I can start my painting and shelving.

Is it sad that I’m excited for a place to put canned goods? And the ice chest. A place to put the durned iced chest.

Bathroom Colors

I know that many people have a hard time choosing color – I know that I do. Originally, I thought I would paint the new bathroom with an aqua color; it would look fantastic with all the white. Unfortunately, what it did not look fantastic with was the blue glass tiles.

So, I have a bunch of new samples. I want something that leans toward a warm tone. It’s cold enough around here – warm colors at least will trick me into thinking I’m warm. However, I’m starting to lean towards the grey on the far right – it has a blue undertone, so I’m still wary.

The grey on the far left is a M*arth* Stew*rt sharkskin color with a green undertone. The yellowish one has brown undertones, as does the 3rd grey, but it’s so light, it’s almost white-ish.

 

Opinions?

Starting to Spring

Yesterday was gorgeous! Well, as gorgeous as it gets around here in March, anyhow. And given that it was Saturday, we had to to do something – sitting around all day is not something that two year old boys do really well.

We decided to head out to the local bulb farm. In the spring, the fields can look something like a postcard from Holland. This early, however, it mostly rows of Daffodil bulbs. By next week, it should be a riot of yellow. We also saw many horses and cows along the drive. When you are two and three the farm animals are important.

We picked up several bunches of Daffodils to brighten our table and some Primroses for the front porch.

The cuddler has entered the “helper” stage, so he helped me plant out on the front porch when we came home. He decided which colors should go together and learned about about how to remove a plant from it’s pot without hurting it. He’s got quite an eye for grouping flowers. It looked quite pretty.

blogging with children

 

Last night, I though to myself that I should join one of those ‘blog hops’. You know… see who turns up and who I ‘meet’. I’m a sociable person.  Unfortunately, between dinner, introducing a new babysitter and chaperoning a high school dance I ran out of time. I try not to publish anything after 1 am; nothing good is published after 1 am.

This morning, after making breakfast, I decided to try again.

While trying to keep two toddlers entertained, but unhurt. Also with out loosing any furniture. So far, no one has been seriously injured.

But I typed in the wrong blog address in the Mr. Linky thingy. Yes, I did.

I know there is no such thing as ‘multi-tasking’. Why do I keep trying to do it?

Schooling

Last week I registered Lala for Pre-K. It was exciting, while at the same time bittersweet. I'm excited that she is growing up and exploring new things… but she's also moving out of my control. Sure, she attends daycare, but it's a daycare that I choose with a low child/teacher ratio. A facility where they have time to care for her special needs and her educational needs.

I don't believe that my local public school does not have that environment. I know the teachers, working in the same district. They are wonderful, caring teachers. They work hard to give the best education to all of their students. But, dear reader, there are only 24 hours in a day and these teachers are human beings. The kind with bladders and families of their own; they deserve to be able to have access to both.

The fact is that local public school is slowly dying the death of a thousand cuts. Class sizes are so large that there is not enough room for all the desks needed. That alone is enough to give me pause. There will only be one teacher for all those students. No aid, no helper… no one watch others while Susie has a temper tantrum, Johnny wets his pants, Billy eats paste and Betty tries out her Power Ranger super kick on Tommy. By the way, the teacher also gets no break until lunch time. Lunch will be a scarfed down power bar, while trying to set up for the afternoon and tutoring Jimmy, Shawn, Cody and Joe (they don't know the Alphabet). Notice there is no time to use the bathroom… for six hours. The teacher will then spend another four to six hours preparing for the next battle day. There won't be time to cook a dinner for her/his own family or play with her/his own children; just a never ending meat grinder of "get-er-done". Sounds great doesn't it? Remember Lucy and the candy conveyer belt? My child is not a product to be wrapped.

That's why I'm shelling out the big bucks for a private school.  One with small class sizes, teachers who are treated like human beings, lots of helpers and plenty of room to move around. The students actually play – because playing is how littles learn… not by sitting for hours at a desk – because no one can watch 30 kids run around alone. Although I know those teachers in the public Pre-K are wonderful people, I also know that they aren't able to do the job of four people.

Uniforms and standardized testing make great window dressing, but they won't educate my child. Cutting union bargaining laws make great sound bites, but they won't educate my child. Spending billions on the latest fad, the latest test, the latest gizmo will make someone rich, but it won't educate my child.

That's what any parent should care about.

Decluttering

Anyone with children will tell that they come with a LOT of " stuff". Some of it isn't even really their "stuff"! For example, my cookie cutter collection has tripled since Lala's arrival. Toss in very generous grandparents and birth parents who sent boxes of things for every. single. holiday. on. the. calendar. and it just adds up tremendously.

Some things I have no qualms about tossing. Pens without lids. Playdough. Broken toys. Then again... somethings I can't bring myself to toss... MY favorite shirts for the cuddler. All of the children's books in french that my mother would cry about if I tossed away. Some times I think the list of things I can't bring myself to toss is larger that the really usable list.

Really, it's not good to have so much stuff. First, it takes way too much time to keep clean. Second, the kids do not enjoy having cluttered spaces; they can't play and it makes their behavior wacky. Third, it makes me feel like the worst mom ever. Kids deserve to have a nice place to live with a mom who can play with them instead of constantly moving things around or trying to fold 47 pairs of pants - for a toddler!

Do you have a decluttering system? How do you choose what gets tossed and what does not?

For what it's worth, I did toss the stained shirts that were MY favorites for the cuddler. I cut out the designs on the front and tossed the rest. At less the designs take up less room than the whole shirts did.

Mom Tip #33

Keep your car gassed up! I know, it sounds silly… and raise your hand if you heard your Dad’s voice when you read that first sentence. Yah, me too.

In light of last week’s events, keeping at least it at least half-tankfull seems like a good idea.

A few years ago, we had a severe wind storm. A lot of damage and no electricity any where. Many people were living like a pioneer for more than two weeks. Listening to our local radio station it seemed like half the population was lined up at the only working gas station in the area. Some ran out of gas waiting in the line – imagine what would have happened if that person had had to leave because flood or tsunami? Luckily we didn’t have to head for the hills, but the peace of mind in knowing that we could was well worth the extra ten minutes.

We think about getting our children’s favorite snack and making it to swim team practice on time. Some how we’ve got to put those rarely needed, but desperately needed tasks in to the mix too.

We’re Off

As much as I complain (and complain) about the weather where we live, it does have many, many good qualities. One of the best is the local children’s museum. It is possibly the best children’s museum I’ve ever seen. This includes every museum in NYC – which are pretty nice. Our local children’s museum is devoted to hands on learning.

Lala’s first trip was devoted to driving the school bus. And the ambulance. They actually have an ambulance complete with siren and stretcher in the back. They can “drive” the ambulance to the hospital – it’s a complete emergency room! Or to the dentist office. Or the veternarian’s… which ever they choose. That’s after going through the farm where the kids “pick” apples, corn, potatoes, etc. Run a store, butcher or bakery or decided to put on a play – with costumes and sound effects. I can’t even describe the science area – complete with tug boat!

And it’s all indoors! Majorly important feature around here.

Sure it’s a bit pricy for us single parents, is a long drive and requires that I take someone with me, but it’s so worth it. Next year, they’re going to open one that is even better (shocking!) and I can’t wait for it. If there is anything kids need it’s learning that is fun! They’ll be sucked into sitting at a desk for 6 hours a day soon enough.

Emergency Plans

We all awoke this morning to the news of the devastating earthquake in Japan. While watching the news, I noticed the scrolling text on the bottom of the screen and discovered that schools were delayed today because of a tsunami warning.  It’s something we live with – there are signs like the one on the left are found all around here.

It made me think… do I know remember what the daycare’s emergency evacuation plan is? Where will the kids be taken in case of tsunami? Where would I pick them up? How long will staff members take care of them?

My job requires me to responsible for someone else’s children in case of emergency, but if I am, who will be watching mine?

Have you reviewed the emergency plan at your children’s school/daycare? Do you have a plan? Do you children know what it is? I know that some would say not to expose your child to the worry, but I believe that forewarned is forearmed. It’s a relief for them to know who is going to care for them or what they need to do if something happens. Have you done this?

Mom Tip #63

I can’t remember where I saw this, but it worked like a charm!

Mildew in bath toys? Pour some vinegar inside (or pour a tiny bit on top of the hole and then depress toy carefully and release, so that the toy will ‘suck’ in the vinegar). The vinegar will kill off the mildew.

The article also recommended not buying any more of these types of toys, but if you are like me, that isn’t always a choice. I almost never buy toys and yet we have a household.

Spring-like?

Ok, the photo is from last year… but I thought a photo little green shoots was just sad. Every March I’m desperate for spring to finally come, eagerly waiting for flowers, sunshine and warmth.

Today we did finally get to play outside for awhile! We even broke into the sandbox!! Ok, the cuddler was much more excited than I was about that one. But I was able to get out the pruning sheers and start cutting away some dead stuff around the hydrangeas and the raspberry bushes. It’s not much, but it was something outdoors! Without rain or freezing wind! During daylight hours! I know! It’s so exciting!

Afternoon

An afternoon by myself! Woot!

Sure there is a pile of laundry waiting for me at home, amongst other chores… but some times you’ve got to do it!

Wrote for several hours, listened to music and just generally worked on what I wanted to without interruption. I even tried to call people to have a conversation that would not be interrupted by children screaming… but apparently everyone else was out having their own day off.

Love Drop

Last month the Love Drop Team raised over $13,000 (and 3 iPads!) to help two little boys with autism receive a service dog. They were beyond touched, and we did this in only 1 month - that's it. Everyone came together and gave a few bucks each to impact one family's life. If you were a part of it, THANK YOU!  You can check out the final video of us showing up to their house here - it's pretty cool.

This month we start all over again and rally behind Katie, a single mom out in Dallas battling not only two brain tumors so far (she's knocked out one, and currently working on the other), but who's also dealing with hydrocephalus. We'd love to bring the community her way, and make a huge dent in her medical bills.

Wanna help?  Here are 3 ways we could use you:

1. Give $1.00 - This is the best way to help out and join our team at the same time.
2. Join our blogger network - Blog about our Love Drops each month like I am :) It's easy, it's rewarding, and it REALLY helps spread the word (which in turn helps our families). Love Drop will give you all the content you need.
3. Give a gift or provide a service - Gift cards are always helpful. Places like Target, Safeway, gas stations, etc would definitely help them out.

Thanks for reading!  Here's to love, baby.

Do You Remember?

Do you remember getting “the call”? Whether you adopted domestically, internationally, or what-have-you, you probably got some sort of call.
I actually got a few. The first one was just under 24 business hours after I receive my license. I immediately had to go and tell everyone at work. Of course, they were just as excited for me, as I was excited. One co-worker even called the placement co-ordinator to get more information about the placement and timing. I didn’t actually pick up Lala until two days later.
Yep, Lala was my first foster care placement. She returned to her birth mother after 11 months.
A year and half later, I got another call for Lala. This time to do respite for her birth mother. Although I was excited to see her, I was told it would only be for a week. Five days later, I received a call from her case worker. Something had happened and it looked like I would be adopting Lala… or at least as close as they get to making a commitment.
Another single momma is really close to getting her call. She’s been waiting much longer than I, so I can only guess how that magnifies her excitement. Perma-grin, inability to focus, laughing out loud at seemingly random times… it’s all good!

Mom tip #27

Are you a regular user of dryer sheets? If so, there is something that needs to be done to keep it in top condition and possibly prevent an electrical fire.

Wash (and I mean scrub) your lint trap!

The other day my parents visited my home. While my step mother was doing some laundry she took out the lint trap to empty it and noticed dryer sheets on a shelf nearby. After asking if I used them regularly, she took the lint trap into the kitchen and ran it under the water faucet. The water did not go through! The screen was filled with water!  Using the dryer sheets clogs the screen of the lint trap.

Give it a good scrub and your dryer will dry the clothes faster, use less electricity and keep it working for a longer time.

Or you could hang it outside… should be in a climate where it’s not going to be raining daily for the next three months.

Wordless Wednesday

March 1

Please let spring be just around the corner… I’m tired of cold and wet. Spring break is only 29 days away and I’m counting each and everyone one of them.