Another anniversary. Still not out of review - still wondering if I will make it...May 27, 2008
May 26, 2008
Reading
I've been trying to read A New Earth - it's slow going. Lala takes up a lot of time and what little time I have left over, I use to keep up the grading (I really have to stop assigning so much work - it's such a pain the ass to grade).
Anyhoo, one thing that has stayed with me so far is the idea that life is suffering. I don't mean that in a "oh whoa is me" kinda way, but rather that things aren't going work out like I've planned. It isn't meant to be easy and sometimes bad stuff happens. It's like saying why not me? I mean, would I really be able to choose someone else to carry my burdens? And whose would I pick up? Nothing is perfect and I have been blessed with some many things that others pray for every day.
That's part of the reason why I love reading other people's blogs. It makes me feel like I'm not alone in this journey - other people struggle and they succeed or they don't, but there life doesn't end. Neither will mine. I watch Lala play on the floor and think to myself that she is the most beautiful baby there ever was and I hope that when the time comes for her to go home we both can handle it and that she will remember the love and safety that she felt here. I'm sure it will hurt like heck, but I know I can carry my own burdens and my life will go on.
Anyhoo, one thing that has stayed with me so far is the idea that life is suffering. I don't mean that in a "oh whoa is me" kinda way, but rather that things aren't going work out like I've planned. It isn't meant to be easy and sometimes bad stuff happens. It's like saying why not me? I mean, would I really be able to choose someone else to carry my burdens? And whose would I pick up? Nothing is perfect and I have been blessed with some many things that others pray for every day.
That's part of the reason why I love reading other people's blogs. It makes me feel like I'm not alone in this journey - other people struggle and they succeed or they don't, but there life doesn't end. Neither will mine. I watch Lala play on the floor and think to myself that she is the most beautiful baby there ever was and I hope that when the time comes for her to go home we both can handle it and that she will remember the love and safety that she felt here. I'm sure it will hurt like heck, but I know I can carry my own burdens and my life will go on.
May 23, 2008
Not the news I wanted...
Lala will probably be going home by the end of the summer.
It's taken a few days to fully process all the information - I suppose there is a minuscule chance that she won't go home, but somehow it feels wrong to hope for that. Instead I guess I'll just keep going each day... and really, I know there are a lot of people who give anything for the short months that I've had. I got a mother's day card. I bought an Easter dress. I've already bought a 4th of July dress. And maybe I'll get a first birthday squeezed in.
In the meantime, Lala was referred to a pulmunologist. We drove all the way to the very large city not-so-near-by and got nada. She was perfectly healthy while there - no "crackling", no darth-vader like breathing. We have to go back in a couple of months for another evaluation after having a swallow study. It's possible that she's been aspirating food and that's causing repiratory infections. Of course, given the past history, she'll do fantastic and we're back at square one.
This morning we went to day care as usual. An hour and half later, Lala had a fever of 102 and I had to leave work to pick her up. Her regular doctor said, "this may just be a regular day care virus for once." No ear infection, no lung "crackle", no snot. At least I got about a 5 day weekend.
It's taken a few days to fully process all the information - I suppose there is a minuscule chance that she won't go home, but somehow it feels wrong to hope for that. Instead I guess I'll just keep going each day... and really, I know there are a lot of people who give anything for the short months that I've had. I got a mother's day card. I bought an Easter dress. I've already bought a 4th of July dress. And maybe I'll get a first birthday squeezed in.
In the meantime, Lala was referred to a pulmunologist. We drove all the way to the very large city not-so-near-by and got nada. She was perfectly healthy while there - no "crackling", no darth-vader like breathing. We have to go back in a couple of months for another evaluation after having a swallow study. It's possible that she's been aspirating food and that's causing repiratory infections. Of course, given the past history, she'll do fantastic and we're back at square one.
This morning we went to day care as usual. An hour and half later, Lala had a fever of 102 and I had to leave work to pick her up. Her regular doctor said, "this may just be a regular day care virus for once." No ear infection, no lung "crackle", no snot. At least I got about a 5 day weekend.
May 10, 2008
Specialists
The doctor's appointment yesterday went very fast - no ear infections, definately no allergies, but there is something wrong. Apparently, babies are not supposed to sound like Darth Vader or have a near constant stream of snot coming out of their noses. Who knew? Everyone else told me they were...
So we're off to see some lung specialists and a "swallow test". It's suspected that Lala has large adnoids (just like mom and grandma... who says adopted kids get nothing from adoptive parents), although she could have asperated food. The manager of the daycare told me the story of a young boy who was constantly sick with breathing problems. Finally, at age 2 (!!!), doctors discovered a mass in his lung, operated and found a piece of popcorn. It had been there for over a year! So now, I'm slightly worried about possible cheerios, but more than slightly worried about french fries (her diet at 4 months! :( I'm also slightly relieved that it's not allergies, we're back on antibiotics, and that something will be figured out.
The specialists visit requires a day off and a trip to the big-big city. I was really hoping to have a month where I didn't take a day off... but at least this way I can assure my TA's that we'll get decent sub who pays attention. You'd be surprised at the number who feel it's perfectly acceptable to read the entire time.
So we're off to see some lung specialists and a "swallow test". It's suspected that Lala has large adnoids (just like mom and grandma... who says adopted kids get nothing from adoptive parents), although she could have asperated food. The manager of the daycare told me the story of a young boy who was constantly sick with breathing problems. Finally, at age 2 (!!!), doctors discovered a mass in his lung, operated and found a piece of popcorn. It had been there for over a year! So now, I'm slightly worried about possible cheerios, but more than slightly worried about french fries (her diet at 4 months! :( I'm also slightly relieved that it's not allergies, we're back on antibiotics, and that something will be figured out.
The specialists visit requires a day off and a trip to the big-big city. I was really hoping to have a month where I didn't take a day off... but at least this way I can assure my TA's that we'll get decent sub who pays attention. You'd be surprised at the number who feel it's perfectly acceptable to read the entire time.
May 8, 2008
9 Month Birthday
Lala is definitely expressing herself now! She's babbling loudly all the time and has no problem doing it in front of strangers now as long as I'm with her. She's become quite vocal at church, especially if the minister is talking. Hey, if she can talk, then Lala should be able to, too! I think she may have said her first word the other day - "crap!". I'm hoping it was just a combination of babbling and my imagination. All I have to do is shake the container with Puffs and she starts to do this funny little happy dance. She also does it in the morning if she's really hungry and sees her bottle. It's quite cute.
Unfortunately, she hasn't been hungry for the past few days. I think we're into yet another ear infection. Since the last antibiotic ended on Monday, I'm worried. We're off to the doctor tomorrow, so I'm sure she'll be fine. What I'm really worried about is A) her SW will show up to take her away because she's basically had an recurring ear infection since January or B) they'll discover that she's allergic to dogs... and yah. I dont' think I could get rid of my dog, especially for something so uncertain.
At this time, I still have no idea if Lala will be staying with me after Memorial Day. I can speculate all I want, but no one has really given me any updated information. I keep telling myself that a call could come at any moment saying that the SW will pick her up at 3 and that's it. Kinda scary...
Unfortunately, she hasn't been hungry for the past few days. I think we're into yet another ear infection. Since the last antibiotic ended on Monday, I'm worried. We're off to the doctor tomorrow, so I'm sure she'll be fine. What I'm really worried about is A) her SW will show up to take her away because she's basically had an recurring ear infection since January or B) they'll discover that she's allergic to dogs... and yah. I dont' think I could get rid of my dog, especially for something so uncertain.
At this time, I still have no idea if Lala will be staying with me after Memorial Day. I can speculate all I want, but no one has really given me any updated information. I keep telling myself that a call could come at any moment saying that the SW will pick her up at 3 and that's it. Kinda scary...
May 4, 2008
13 months
I'm still in the game. Just floating along in some sort of neither-land. I noticed that Department I has reviewed through Dec. 31, 2006. Can they get through March before my I-171H needs to be renewed? My agency is about as helpful as a 3rd leg. Their response to my query as to whether I needed to renew was "everyone needs to decide what is right for them." In other words, we have no fricking clue as to what is going on; do what you want and don't even think of blaming us for the outcome."
And since there seems to be revolving door for employees, I'm probably lost in the suffle. And I guess, I'm comfortable with that.
Yet Another Antibiotic
Yep, we're on number four! This time, the Dr. mentioned the possibility of "tubes"... new territory for our family. We are a family that is seemingly immune to ear infections (knock on wood). Neither I, nor my brothers, nor my nephew has ever had an ear infection. Lala has had four in four months. We're literally at the Dr's office every week. Sigh.
Other than that, things are going along swimmingly. This past week, I had to go through Lala's clothes to weed out those that no longer fit. She's growing like a weed and changing from day to day. Her true personality shows itself every day - she's very independant and is just going to do what she wants to do, when she wants to do it.
Other than that, things are going along swimmingly. This past week, I had to go through Lala's clothes to weed out those that no longer fit. She's growing like a weed and changing from day to day. Her true personality shows itself every day - she's very independant and is just going to do what she wants to do, when she wants to do it.
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