Waiting another week...

I got an email from my agency.... apparently there is a slight hope that I might get a spot for 2007. They will know for sure within the next week or so. Do I hope for it? Do I even pay attention? It is such a slight hope that I'm not even sure it's worth thinking about.

I finished reading Parenting the Hurt Child and several books about attachment disorder. There's something to cure your ardor for adoption. I may start avoiding these books.

What Have I Done Lately?

Last week I drove up the CHI's office for an information meeting. The meeting didn't really tell me anything I didn't already know, but it was good to meet the staff. This is a huge life-altering thing and only knowing people by their email personality just doesn't cut it. It also reaffirmed my decision to go with this agency. My gut told me it was the one for me, and that's the only thing that makes sense at this point. I am still number three on the list. Next month (I'm hoping) my office will be awarded it's spots for this year. Usually they only get two. Which means I'm number one for next year - that pushed the completion of everything maybe the end of 2008... but with the Olympics being that year in Bejing, I'm think it would be more likely to be in 2009.

I go back and forth with this whole waiting idea. My practical side says "slow is better - fewer mistakes or pitfalls," but my unpractical side says "jump through what ever hoops and get it done now." Which is crazy and I know this. But the unpractical still drives me nuts.

Trying to distract myself with school work and crafting isn't working so great. Or at least, trying to get school work done isn't working. Who wants to do school in the summer anyways?

Ok, I've completed one task...

My passport has been renewed and should be in my hot little hand in early August. I wonder if they'll send my old one back? I'll miss all those little "badges" of far-flung traveling.

I also finished reading Waiting Child. It's very readable, but very novel like. Probably not the best choice for getting lots of information, but very positive while you're waiting... I also picked up 8 new books at the library today. I thought there was only two, but walked out with an armload! I don't know when I'll have time to read all these books and do everything else I should be doing!

Why is it that July always goes by so fast? I should be in the midst of a full on summer sloth and instead I'm running around like a crazy woman.

Tickers

I don't why I obsess about lists and countdowns, but I do. I was the kid who knew approximately how long it was until Christmas and always know how many days of school are left (it helps that it's printed in the school bullentin every day). So I've added count down widgets to this blog.

Really, the blog is for me. I haven't announced it to anyone... I just feel this need to shout out into the ethosphere of the internet. I think it keeps me from shouting to everyone I know and would drive completely crazy. The thing is that right now, I have more than a two year wait before "Gotcha! Day." A year on the waiting list and several months for gathering of documents and homestudy appointments AND at least a year of waiting for everything to process in China. Of course, there is the very real possibility that China will close it's doors to adoptions, create new rules which will make me ineligiable to adopt or I get hit by bus. A lot can happen before 2009.

There are shorter options, but I've slowly ruled them out. I'm comfortable with the wait... and I'm comfortable that with the fact that when I won't be comfortable with it, things will probably be gathering steam. Right now, I'm number three on the waiting list. It's expected that there will be only two openings in the coming year... it's possible that that I could move up before then. If so, everything will be a little crunchy, but I guess it's a good trade off.

The best thing for me to do is make myself as ready as I can be. I always told people that there's no way to completely prepared for a child... you just can't do it. But I can work on making sure that I'm in the best financial and physical situation to welcome a baby into my life.

Application Mailed!

After several months of hard thinking, I decided to take the plunge!

I've always wanted to be a mom. I always expected that one day I would find Mr. Right, get married and procede on to having children... perhaps 8. Somehow, my life didn't turn out like that. I never found Mr. Right who wanted to have 8 children or take off on a road trip on a moments notice. I'd like to think that I was so busy gathering stories to tell my grandchildren, that I forgot to carve out time to have the children who would have those grandchildren. As those around me kept getting married and having children, I would think that "one day it will be me..." except it never was. For the last few years, I didn't want to think about because it made me sad. I started to realize that it may never happen me and at the age of 37, time started running out.

It occured to me that I could adopt a child. It was kinda weird - like I woke up one morning thinking "hey! here's what I can do!" because it never occurred to me before. Maybe I was just grasping at straws. Maybe, I just don't know any more... after months of thinking and reading, I just can't think any more. Or at least, I just can't gather information any more. I've read, and re-read.

I chose an agency with a waiting list. For singles, it's either that or a lottery or special needs. Right now, the waiting list isn't long, but the number of spots isn't that long either... The best guestimate I could get is 2 years. So let the countdown begin!