A Month gone by...

it's amazing how fast time goes... I keep thinking I need to update my blog, and then something comes along to distract me. So here's a quick bullet list to update y'all...

• Lala is sitting up very well and doing some incredible stretching to reach her toys. She would make all of my dancers incredible jealous with her flexibility.
• Since she can stretch herself so far, she does not see the need to start crawling.
• Lala can stand up by herself, but cannot get into that position by herself. She does recognize the commands "stand" and "sit." Now if I could just get the dog to do that!
• Lala is starting to feed herself. In fact, she gets quite upset at times if anyone tries to feed her. She's got an independant streak a mile wide!
• Lala is learning how to hug. She's also starting to say "mama" and recognize it means me! (Ok that may be a little farfetched given that she's only 8 months old)
• I finally found someone to take up the concrete pad in my back yard. Yesterday he broke up all the concrete. I'm hoping he shows up today to start getting rid of it.
• The concrete is really deep! Much deeper that I thought it would be... It may take quite a lot of get it to garden shape. We may not be able to do it this year. :( However, I do have a good source for manure...
• Today's weather is finally supposed to be spring-like. After nearly a year of winter, I am more than ready!
• Lala is on her fourth anti-biotic (although she was only on number three for about 3 days, then switched). I swear there isn't a germ that doesn't like her!

I wish I could write an entry about what I was doing a year ago, but the day passed pretty much like any other - I didn't know this was my LID date for another couple of weeks. I know that I was starting to realize that wait was going to be a bit longer than planned. Every month after that one brought another year of projected wait.

A year later, and so much has changed. My life is full of diapers, shopping (my God, how much shopping I HAVE to do now!), cleaning (my house has never been so clean!) and wondering when Lala is going start crawling. I feel so blessed and excited for each new day. Happy New Year to me!

Easter Weekend

Time does fly by very quickly... I can't believe it's Easter already. Lala has currently has three Easter dresses. My mother purchased two and she came home in one from her visit with her biological family. Since I'm not informed as to what happens during those visits, I really don't know who put her in it, but since her clothes are changed every time, I just have to roll with it. This Sunday, she'll be wearing one of the other two, depending on the weather. (yah. It snowed last night)

Then again, time does move slowly. I think more and more about Lala's biological family. I wonder if they're progressing; if anything is happening at all; what her siblings are doing; and mostly, what is going to happen come June. I get sorta an update once a month when the SW comes to visit, but client privacy rules pretty much leave me having to read between the lines - which I'm not very good at.

In the meantime, I'm enjoying everything I can. It still seems a bit unreal that after all that waiting, hoping, wishing, praying, etc. I am responsible for a baby! I get to think about Easter Egg Hunts (still too young!), Easter dresses and scrapbooking. I don't even really like scrapbooking and I'm just so incredibly grateful that I get to do it! Weird.

When you're slidin' into first...

yah, it's been one of those weeks.

Monday started the diarrhea, sorta. Tuesday I got a call from the daycare letting me know that they were on diaper change number 8 and most likely, Lala would not be going on her bi-weekly visit. (Lala visits her biological family twice a week) Apparently, the transporters do not like exploding babies in their car.

I stayed home on Wednesday, because taking a baby who has 8 diaper changes in less than 4 hours to daycare is just plain cruel. And really pisses off the other parents. I not only got the exploding baby experience, but also the playing with poop experience. Boy! You really cannot turn your back on baby with diarrhea for a second! Lala was also getting hives, but only for 15-20 minutes at a time. She looked like a cat had mauled her legs! Really weird, but I changed her formula to a soy based and it hasn't shown up again. I'm not totally convinced it was the formula that gave her the hives. Today is the first time she's gotten any solid foods except rice cereal, so I'm still watching for them to come back.

Thursday we had a staff meeting about everyone missing so many days of work... and I gave a small prayer of thanks that I don't work in Corporate American. Complain all you want people. I've still got over a month of sick days banked. (Years of coming work like the walking dead because I knew there were no more good subs). Oh yeah, I have jury duty next week too!

Friday ended the week on a positive note. Lala had her second development evaluation. She had failed in a couple of aspects previously. This time, however, she passed with flying colors. In fact, the evaluator cut it short, saying she'd gained so much in 6 weeks that she wasn't really behind any more. This time Lala looked over when the evaluator shook a rattle, stood on her legs (she can almost bear all of her own weight - no easy feat given her size), grabbed at toys, rolled around and seemed "very attached" to me to the point of reaching for me to pick her up from the evaluators lap. We'll have another appointment in three months to make sure she's still moving along.

I also got a new-to-me jogging stroller on Friday. A friend had one sitting in the garage collecting cob-webs, so now Lala and I are ready for some serious walking. We may even go out the trails nearby, if the weather holds.

Saturday, we're still playing it cool with feeding. Although things are looking less stinky, I'm still holding my breath on whether we're still on poop patrol.

11 Months

I can't believe I missed my 11 month anniversary! Not one thought about it during the day - I didn't even think about until March 2nd when I saw the Rumor Queen posts about new referrals (which btw, if true, means no referrals for my agency. The 3rd time in a year.)

My fingerprints expire next month and my I-171H will expire in June. I suppose I should contact my agency to find out what I need to do, but I'm really not so motivated to do so. I think it's because I'm worried that they'll tell me I need to have my home-study re-done by a completely new social worker. I'm pretty sure the "new" office is too far away for them to send their own... I really do not want to spend another $2000 for a document that may or may not ever lead to an adoption. So, I'm basically just sitting back and waiting to see how it all plays out. Secretly, I'm hoping that my documents will be reviewed before the I-171H expires and then I won't have to renew at all... because a "free" renewal is not all that free.

In the meantime, Lala is becoming more of a little person every day! She's learned to sit up fairly well, even in the bathtub. This weekend, she seems to have crossed the line between passive observer to actively touch everything - I dunno how to explain it, she just suddenly seems to be more interested in things around her. She's got a new favorite toy that she picked out herself (it was the only one she did more than just stare at)... she remembers it from previous play times, so maybe some object permanance is going on. She's still more interested in eating books that reading them.

She graduated to Stage 2 foods (which basically means, she eats more in a sitting) - we were getting mixtures of foods and fruits. I'm still trying to figure out all this "when to introduce..." advice. Everyone says something different... however Lala isn't at the stage where she recognizes that "if I put something in my mouth, I can eat it, rather than just play with it" and she's not at the stage of really chewing either, so we're sticking to mush.

Back from the Dead

or at least, those who really wanted to be dead. Last weekend, both myself and Lala came down with a stomach virus. It started with her vomitting all over me at Old Navy (my poor friend who came along... she looked shell-shocked at all the vomit that came out of one baby!). By the next night, I was curled up on the bathroom floor thanking God that Lala was sleeping off her bouts. I don't know how I survived, but I did and so did Lala. We even had a couple of visitors (word to the wise - call before "dropping by").

Ear Ache

Lala has her first ear ache... so far, she seems to be doing all right, although she's not eating very well.

In the meantime, the end of the semester is coming and there's tons of grading to be done. On Friday, the principal asked if I could have 100 reading tests graded by Monday. Apparently, while I was out of town (for work!), he decided he needed them... so everyone else had their students grade them. Lucky me is supposed to do it by myself with all the other stuff piling up. Needless to say, I told him no. Four days since I'd seen the baby, I wasn't spending the weekend grading something that's been sitting around for two months, but he suddenly needs in 48 hours.

10 Months

I'm not really sure if I should still be counting months from LID anymore. It feels like a futile effort and to be honest, with Lala here, it feels a bit like a betrayal. I do have to say that having a child in the home makes a huge difference in the wait - I know it's hard for everyone, but it was way harder just sitting and staring at the walls.

Lala is at the babysitters for the next few days. I fly out tonight for a conference that was scheduled (and paid for) months ago. I dropped her off last night - too much action in the morning - and I felt completely guilty. She's becoming more attached to me and here I am dropping her off at a stranger's house. I know she'll be with the other children playing with her all the time, but I'm still wracked with guilt. Did she sleep through the night? Did she get her morning bottle? Is she still all snotty? Mother's guilt... who knew it only took a couple of days to settle in?

Two New Teeth

Yes, all that drool has paid off in two lower teeth just starting to show. I wish I could take a picture of them... but the only time to really see them is when she's screaming. Not a good photo opportunity.

We went on a massive formula shopping spree - 5 cans for $70! I figure that the cans will last about 3 weeks. Hopefully. She's already gone through 3 and it hasn't even been two full weeks. Also, she has 2 to 3 bottles at daycare when she's there, so that's another can she's working through. No wonder breast feeding has had a resurgence.

Lala is also eating solids, so we picked up some squash. Unlike the carrots on the left, squash was much more welcome. She ate the entire 2.5 oz package! Still, we'll keep working on the carrots.

I'm trying to get vegis in her taste memories before really getting into fruits, but it's an uphill battle. I'm not always in control of what she's eating (or where, or when). That would be the frustrating part of foster parenting.

I'm finally beginning to adjust to the new sleeping schedule. Or rather, the lack of sleeping schedule. Yesterday, I actually got up at 2 am somewhat alive! And my arms no longer ache from carrying her around... who knows... muscles may be close behind.

First Cold

For the past couple of days, Lala has had a somewhat juicy sounding cough. She's always been a bit wheezy, but the cough had been moving slowly up the juicy/more frequent scale. Last night, after charming every mother attending the local high school basketball game (my dance team had a performance), we came home to a screaming-I'm-so-uncomfortable-can't-breathe cold.

After two showers and sitting next to a steaming tea kettle and about a hundred trips around the kitchen in the stroller, she finally relaxed enough to fall asleep. Might I repeat my love of my umbrella stroller? I'm pretty sure it's the single most sanity saving device I have. Lala loves to ride around in it, it can double as a rocker, sit in the bathroom while the shower is running and for a kid who dislikes the car, dryer and being held in any position except fully verticle (while I'm standing-no sitting allowed), well, I may have it enshrined.

Today we're off to purchase a humidifer. I, seriously, never thought I would purchase one given that I live in one of the few rainforests in the US. It rains constantly, everything is either mossy or moldy... but I'd rather fight mold than an uncomfortable baby.

I've been visiting other's blogs and I'm seriously wondering... how do you find all this time to take photos??? I think I have a total of 3 and one is because I have to get a thank you note out. Seriously, I can't wait until my coaching contract is up. Only one more month!

Oh yeah! Lala rolled over the other day! It was the first time I'd ever seen do that... and, of course, I was on the phone so couldn't rush over to coo over her.

First Poop

No one but a mother could possibly be excited about poop - well, pet owners at times, mom's are freaks about poop. When, how much, what color, what consistancy... on and on. Imagine my excitment for Lala's first poop. It's a sign of health you know.

The doctor's visit reinforced the poop - Lala is perfectly healthy, if a bit chunky. She weighs 17.8 pounds and is 25 inches long. That translates to 50 percentile for height and 95th percentile for weight. I knew my arms were sore for a reason. Now if we can just get on a schedule, we'll be set for the next few months.

We also went shopping for more diapers and a stroller. My God! Who knew a stroller could be such a life saver - I'm thanking God for it. Everyone who has seen her falls in love. They're all into her big beautiful eyes and ready smile. Me, i'm just thrilled to be finally in the "my you have a pretty baby" group. it's still hard to believe she's really here to stay for awhile.

She's Here!

Yesterday, I got the call to come and pick up a baby girl... wow! She's beautiful and smily (mostly) and huge! Nearly 20 pounds of chunk. My arms are tired!

She is not mine permanently, at least not for now. And honestly, who knows for how long. Weirdly, i'm ok with the uncertainty for now. It feels kinds like being a nanny. You like the kid, want her to be happy, comfortable and feel loved, but she's not "my baby". This also means no photos.

We're off to go shopping today (need bigger diapers!) and see the doctor.

Still Here and still waiting...

9.15pm - no news. I'm guessing that nothing is happening today. Tomorrow back to work, like nothing happened. Bummer.

A New Kind of Waiting

a baby may have been placed with me... the whole thing is so fraught with uncertainty...

I got the call at 1pm. Called back at 4pm. Was told to wait for tonight. Freaked out, told everyone at work. Made an emergency run to Rite Aide. Cleaned everything again. Still waiting at 8pm...

I imagine this is somewhat similar to what it feels like when waiting for the next referral and the rumors say you're in.

Licensed

I got a call last night to let me know that I'm officially licensed. Guess what I do now?

A. do the happy dance
B. go for a 5 mile run
C. wait.

If you guessed "C", you win!

In other news...
Just before Christmas, I got a call from friend who had talked to another friend about my adoption plans. Friend 2 has information on adopting via another route that is cheaper and easier. I start laughing - internally, so I don't insult friend 1 - cheaper and easier does not exist. Everything is fraught with uncertainty, problems and, of course, waiting. Still I did contact friend 2. Her information was third hand and very vague. I'm still working my way through the chain of information. Shoot! It's not like I don't have time.

New Year's Resolution

So, one of my new year's resolutions has been to become more fit. Seriously, I think I could easily become Jabba the Hutt with all my moping sitting around.

Today I found this - bits of work out videos on YouTube. Finally, you can try them out before purchasing and get in a few minutes of raising the ol' heart beat. I definitely recommend Sarina Jain's Masala Bhangra workouts. They're so fun, I might just go buy the tape next month. (New budget is another resolution...)

Another Step Closer

The SW emailed me on New Year's Eve to let me know that my homestudy report was completed and had been sent on to the supervisor. That's the final step to getting my license. It's a little hard to describe what I'm feeling about thist... on the one hand, I'm all fluttery and on the other, I'm all "ehh". Once burned, twice shy.

I emailed back about a timeline and well, there really isn't one. You just have to go with the flow and hope for the best. I am hoping that I'll have a couple month wait so that dance competition season will end before. Eeek... I do have to have a chat with my boss and a conference coming up at the end of the month.

The only thing to really pin hopes on was "but it usually doesn’t take too long". No, I have no idea what that means.

If I was pregnant, I'd be really fat, tired and definitely ready to get that baby out. Instead, I think I've entered into the zen zone of "whatever". All the projects that I planned on doing are sitting in a corner... it seems kinda like waste of time to work on them. It's a problem of too much time. So, here's to hoping that soon I'll be out of time.

Homestudy Again...

This time last year, I was waiting to for the call from my agency's social worker to set up the homestudy visit. I was so excited... just waiting for the call (not "THE CALL" - just a call to set up the appointment). I drove back from the Christmas celebrations to Seattle for the first meeting, mentally rehearsing answers to questions I thought I might be asked. Then came the marathon cleaning and arranging of furniture. Preparing the dog. I swear I can still feel the excitment from it.

This year, the SW from the state finally made on Thursday (almost 12 months later than the first). It took about two hours, but it probably would have taken less time if I wasn't so chatty and the dog didn't keep trying to sit on her lap. The appointment was scheduled for 3.30pm and I didn't have time to take her (the dog) for a walk, so she (the dog) was a little excited to see someone else there. I pointed out my smoke detectors and fire extinguishers, the locked medicine box and all the fire exits. We discussed having fire drills - the SW recommended that I practice with the dog (seriously!). Everything was checked off - the report takes about two weeks to write up and is then sent to the supervisor. My fingerprints are still not back, so that has to also be cleared. Hopefully, it's just a christmas rush or vacation rush or something like that.

After that, I don't know. It's a little scary with all the "don't know" time frames. Initially, I was told that I would have a long wait (ha! they don't really know what long means...) and then as the SW was leaving, she told me that another family had been cleared the day before and was "already full." I don't know if that means I should be excited, worried or neither. I guess I'd have to say that I'm more than a little catious with my emotions this time around. I haven't done anything to prepare myself in months. No books, no magazine articles, no shopping for myself, nada. I'm not sure I want to start up again, only to have another torturous wait.