My Truth

By now you have probably heard/seen the news story regarding the disrupted adoption of the little boy who was sent back to Russia, alone. We may never know what really went on behind the scenes in this situation, but the fact remains that this was the outcome and it was not good. I cannot imagine any situation that would cause me to choose to abandon my child, but then again, I also cannot imagine living with a child with RAD.

In response to the tragic situation surrounding Artyem Saviliev,  The Joint Council on International Children's Services is asking people to take part in We Are The Truth – an adoption blogger day: To ensure the world knows about every successful adoption, on Thursday, April 15, 2010 blog about your adoption or the adoption of someone you know. It doesn't matter if your adoption is with Russia, domestic or otherwise international. Let the world know your truth!

For the past week, the cuddler has woken up around 10 pm and just wants to cuddle on the couch for a few minutes while going back to sleep. It's so quiet and peaceful then, with the cutest little guy sitting on the my lap in perfect contentment. Lala, on the other hand, is a morning snuggler. She wants to get up and snuggle with mommy for a few minutes before the cuddler gets up. Again, it's so quiet and peaceful, just listening to her breathing as she listens to my heart beating. Those are the times I live for.

In the summer of 2006, I decided to look into adoption. I was about to turn 36 and, although I wanted to be a mom, I did not want to win the award for "oldest mom" at my child's high school graduation. (my stepmother nearly won youngest at my high school graduation, but there was actually a bio mom who was younger! It was an award I also did not want to win, but by the time my graduation rolled around, not having a kid, I was apparently too old.)

How I ended up in the foster-to-adopt program in the state of WA is a long and convoluted story, but it is where I ended up and where I met my children. Well, met isn't really the word... it was more like, "will you take this kid? Dunno for how long. His/Her name is.... and birth date is...."  That was the sum total of the information I was given before I picked each one up.

When Lala came home, I was a bit stunned. She was smiley and giggly and so what I! But it was hard to believe that there was an actual baby in my house and no one was coming back in a few hours to pick her up. It was a daze. For days I had this foolish grin on my face that said "can you believe this?!?!"  I recognize that look on the faces of other adoptive moms I know... the amazement of what I've been given still stuns me at times. (When she left, it was another daze. Not a happy one.) When the cuddler came home, it wasn't a daze, it was giddiness. Although I had been assured that he would only stay two weeks max, that first night I looked at him and said "I know you are the one staying. I'll never to get use all those dresses in the closet because you're the one, aren't you." Then he pee'd on me. Obviously it was love at first sight.

Then Lala came back into our lives and I seriously considered buying a lottery ticket. Obviously it was my lucky day. Who doesn't want a house filled with baby-dolls and trucks?

I accept that fact that there are things I will never know about either of them. And that the future is uncertain. Will either develop attachment issues? Will they develop more serious medical issues? Will either have a learning disability? FASD? Will they be angry at me for "taking them away from their birth family"? I don't know. I can't tell what lies ahead. I can only tell you that I will be there if it does and I will figure out a way to deal with it. We just will.

At this point, I will be adopting Lala (whenever the paperwork moves those last 15 feet) and the process to adopt the cuddler is starting. If you had told me in 2006 that I would have two children, a boy and girl, approx. 11 months apart I probably would have laughed and really, really hoped you were right. They are the dream I held on to for so long. Every smile, every laugh, every scream, every whine "I want", and "mommy!" is part of the dream. Thank God I get to live it.