23 months

Since there is no 29 this year...

Cuddles had his first trip to church today - he was so good! Of course, he could have had a screaming hissy fit, the kind that make your ears bleed and they would have been thrilled to see him. He was the youngest person there by about 30 years...

While there I suddenly realized that I'm almost in the exact same spot I was a year ago this time. Planning outings around nap times and wondering if I'll ever get an Easter where the basket can hold more than a large chicken...

Oh, yes. Cuddles loves chicken clucking. Hearing a chicken sound makes him laugh out loud and given that he's a baby boy, probably pee also. I found a rather large and overpriced chicken at the grocery store the other day and he loved it. I'm pretty sure I'll be buying it in April for Easter.

Also, does anyone have tips on what to do about peeing in the bathtub? Boys are just massive random urinators, but this child pees every time he gets a toe in the tub. EVERY TIME. How do you get clean wash water with this?

Napping

ah.. the life... time revolving around the nap schedule. Nothing is more sweet!

Last night, I took *the cuddler* to the basketball game. It was all an effort to keep him up to a decent time. For the past couple of days, he's fallen asleep at 6pm and, of course, waking up at 4.30 am. oof. So, a little more action that I can provide was needed. I played pass the baby with another teacher there and another fan entertained him with her jewelry. *the cuddler* loves bright shiny jewelry. Now, I just have to come up with something for today... the weather is nice, so I'm thinking a nice walk this afternoon and possibly a trip to the river. Or perhaps a trip to Olympia to visit friends.

People always ask me about his bio family and I always tell them I have no idea other than he's healthy enough for me to assume that someone loved him a lot. The next question is always as to whether or not if the state has told me anything. It's really easier to just to tell them "nope" and leave it at that. I don't want to break confidentiality and a lot of what I know is just supposition anyways. It does however, shock people that I would be expected to care for a child I know nothing about and perhaps it doesn't cast the state is a very positive light, but I just don't know what else to say... any tips?

We made it through the night - "the cuddler" did not really go to sleep until 11pm(!), but did sleep through the night until I woke him up at 6.30am (he was only lightly sleeping at that time). Tonight, he fell asleep at 6.45pm. I'm wondering how long it will last... but we will getting up much earlier tomorrow morning as "the cuddler" is starting daycare.

In the meantime, I've discovered that "the cuddler" loves to be held and cuddled. He's got one of those fantastic wide toothless grins that make people want to have a baby. Although he cannot sit up well, he's crawling everywhere he can. Why sit, when you can move? pretty much sums his playing attitude. He's already got us on our toes!

Brrrriiiinnng!

Just when I was telling myself not to feel sorry for myself and that I was already blessed... stop being bloody boring, I got a phone call.

I picked up a beautiful baby boy this evening. He was full of smiles all evening. Of course, he's now full of "I'm not sleeping and you can't make me". Thank God my mother was in town to help out. Otherwise I'd be going mad with amount of work I had planned on doing this evening that must be done.

On a high note, a boy means more shopping! Sadly, probably not much. I'm really hoping that a family member will step up soon. It's obvious to me that someone really loves this little boy and wanted to care for him.

Every morning I get up, go to work and basically live my life until noon. Then I get out my cell phone and turn it back on (we're not allowed to have them on while students are about) and watch it until it I have to put it away again. Once the students are gone, I pull it back out and watch it until 5pm.

Then I check off another day of waiting and start the clock on the next one.

I'd say that life sucks, but really it doesn't. I, apparently, just want to obsess on the phone ringing.

Closer?

categories

when someone signs up for "foster-to-adopt" they are licensed as a foster parent and do all the adoption stuff to. Usually people do this in hopes of being matched faster or adopt a child that may be not likely to be available. Like a baby. As a licensed foster parent, you can have a child placed in your home before they are legally free to be adopted. This is where risk comes in... the higher the risk the greater the chance that the child will be reunified with a birth parent or other family member.

In the highest risk category, every child that is placed in the home is on track to reunified with their bio-parent or family member. They are on that track until they aren't. The foster parent has no control over this at all and in all ethical and moral ways needs to support that goal as best they can without jepardizing anyone's safety.

While the caseworker may tell the foster parent that the child will probably become available for adoption, I was told emphatically during my PRIDE classes that the same caseworker is telling the bio-parent they can work the case plan and get their child back and/or searching for other family members. That knowledge is always lurking in the background and has to be treated with respect before jumping in the pool.

FWIW, the lowest risk is basically a straight adoption, it just moves a little faster than the court system. Since the adoptive family is already a licensed foster parent, the child can be moved to the adoptive home a little quicker. Not being one of these, I really don't know how much of a difference it makes.

Also -> none of this applies to private agenies, states other than mine or cross-state adoptions.
Last -> I was told by a reader that my state will no longer do "foster-to-adopt", again, I'm NOT and expert, and each county sets it's own rules... probably each office. Who knows.

Take everything with a grain of salt

Annoyed

Today I broke down and emailed the placement coordinator to ask why I hadn't received any calls in the last two months. He, of course, called back me immediately. Such, the used car salesman! Always wanting to keep people as happy as he can... because you never know what is around the corner.

 

Anyhoo... while talking with him, I find out that A. I was previously categorized in the most risk category... and B. all placements that aren't all that risky go directly to the adoption workers... not people on the list. Since I'm not currently ON the adoption list (still haven't heard word one since early Dec.), of course, NOONE WILL CALL ME. Ahhhh... the light bulb turns on.

 

So, first, I changed back to the most risk category. Yeah, it's sad when kids go home, but at least the new one will be a distraction and I do get over it. At least with positive updates, I do. (Lala is doing well, and I trust the people at her new daycare) Second, I emailed the adoption workers. I'd call, but I'm way better in emails (I can write "grovel" better than speak it) and usually everyone's voice mail is so packed that it takes hours to go through them, let alone begin the return calls.

 

Hoops, hoops and more hoops.

In Stores Now!

Apparently, I'm in a hopefull mood because I spent most of the day hanging around E*- bay... so far I've purchased two lots of clothing (one is a really cute dress with a pink monster on the front) and I'm just waiting now for bumbo auction to end. I have no idea if I'll ever need one, but if I do, I'll be prepared. And they really are very handy if your baby cannot sit upright by him/herself.

Sometime next week a horde of boxes will be slowly making their way to my doorstep. Hopefully, they won't be waylaid by more floods and bad weather.

Speed Up and Down

So, there was a rumor that the number of people referred for an adoption from China had increased significantly this month... and now there are several new rumors that that really isn't true. I know that some people are really hoping it is and I'll admit that I went and checked my special savings account this morning and added more money to it... but I'm sorry to say that if I'm on this ride it ain't going to go go fast. I am one of "those" people for whom things just don't go quickly or according to plan. Sorry.

 

Last night I had a quick chat with the placement coordinator for my "area" - and lucky me, if I want to take in teens I can have three right now! Then we talked about high school history classes. Yah. So no news on that front either.

Meanwhile...

I really like elipses. Really, really. Just to let you know...

I decided to leave my "designation" as possible adoptive placement - which is what it was (probably)... I re-read the email several times, and did a lot of soul searching... wrote a bunch of really painful, "pity-party" posts (which you I'll spare you from reading) and it really came down to being honest with myself. I'm still grieving the loss of Lala. And I worry about her all her time. Sometimes I even cry. Some days I curse fate. Some days I curse myself... it's all a process I guess. To me this means that "whatever goes" category, just isn't for me. The alternative end isn't either... since I'm sure to go insane waiting that long.

So, I'm waiting again. And really working to distract myself from looking at the phone. Luckily, there are lots and lots of blogs to read.

p.s. today I found an very interesting looking children's consignment shop. I didn't go in, but I did make a note of it's location for future reference. they had a totally cute little skirt and sweater in the window...

decisions, decisions, decisions

For that last month and half, I've receive no phone calls from the placement office. That seemed strange as the holidays are stressful for everyone and those with bad coping skills would seem to make worse choices... but nada. I emailed my licensor to find out what I was categorized. Apparently, our placement desk does pay attention to such things. I'm currently categorized as only getting calls for pretty much an adoptive placement. Which means never. Especially since I've still heard nothing from the adoption workers and apparently their department was cut by half at the beginning of the year.

I could leave it like that and just wait for an adoption worker to call me, probably sometime in Feb or March. After all, waiting is something I've become pretty good at after three years. Then I would probably have to wait some more and who knows how long that would be. Could be a week, could be another year.

I could change it to another designation. One choice is change it "more than likely would become an adoptive placement". This is a somewhat sketchy category. What appears in the initial intake is not what will be the next month or 6 months down the road. After all Lala was one of those who initially seemed pretty likely, but obviously wasn't as time went on. The other category could be termed "call me, what happens, happens". This might be for the people who truly believe that God has a plan for everything and fate is absolute. Honestly, I have real problems with that theory and it probably isn't the category for me.

However, I also problems with the "more than likely" category. Obviously, it's a not a done deal and will be very painful when the knife cuts the other way. I don't know if I can that again. At the same time, I don't know how much longer I want to sit around waiting for a phone call that seems to never come.

Last Weekend

Just two and half more days left until it's back to school... are you ready? Have you been snowbound so long that your cabin fever has turned in cabin insanity? Me neither.

I'm still attempting to organize my "project room". The biggest stumbling block is my paperwork. Lord have mercy, does it pile up. I need to figure out some way to organize them and a way of discern what is important and what is not. Yesterday I found credit card bills from 1997...

So my goal for this weekend is to figure out what to do with all of these papers and get rid of what is not needed. My other goal for the weekend is to finish quilting a baby quilt that's been held together with gigantic safety pins for the better part of a year.

My real resolution for 2009? Finishing!

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I went to the mall today...

Spent $9 on a new pair of pants and a new skirt (great sale!) and then left. I did not stop at Gymboree, Baby Gap and even my favorite crackhouse store, The Children's Place. They all had 70% off sales. I also did not stop at Cold Stream Creamery, but that's another fight altogether.

Now if I can just get past that damn Sarah McLaughlin ASP commercial without crying.

21 months

another Christmas down.

My Christmas wish this year is that we all have our children with us next year. And use this!

Vacation...

I don't know why I was so looking forward to the holiday break... so far I've read more information about RAD, child abuse and adoption fiascos than I really needed to to be able sleep well at night.

I really need something else to do.

Lazy Sunday

This morning my mother called at 9am, shocked to find that I was barely awake.

"You always get up early" she accused.

Well, I don't really have a reason to get up early, do I? It's been snowing for days now and everything is covered with a thick sheet of ice. Plus the town doesn't actually own a snow plow or any other implements of snow/ice removal (seriously - they don't!). Not that I should talk, I don't actually own a snow shovel myself. And in the spirit of saving money, I'm just going to wait it out, rather than attempt to buy one. So, no place to go and nothing to do... why not sleep in?

No news...

I emailed Lala's case worker to pass along my cell phone number so that I could drop off a Christmas present, but so far I've received no reply or phone call. I'm still trying to decide if that is a good thing or not. I'm pretty sure that I'll burst into tears at saying goodbye to her again, especially since I'm nearly crying just thinking about it. At the same time, I really want to see her again...

I know this blog has become somewhat of a downer, but really it's become somewhat of a shout-out to an unfair universe. Hopefully, it will be all sunshine and smiles again soon.