Dreaming Away

Lately, I've been dreaming of moving to New Zealand. You know, it's all clean and shiny... it doesn't rain almost every day and the kids wear uniforms to school.  No more policing children's clothing at work or arguments about whether the rip is "just above the kneee" or "displaying the thigh". FYI, in the teen age mind, there is apparently a separate and distinct, body part between the knee and the thigh. It's called "justabovetheknee."

Working in a high school gives me lots of foder for thought on Lala's future schooling. For example, although I know the elementary school teachers in my district are wonderful and kind people, I really don't want Lala to attend school here. The kindergartners are foul-mouthed, illmannered, and apathetic. How is a kindergartner not excited about school? Although my community has several things positive about it, there are many that are not. Racism abounds. Schools are free day care/court monitoring and learning isn't a high priority. Neither is discipline, respect for others or hygiene.

So then the question becomes where does she go to school? Private is pretty much out, unless I find a job at a private school that allows children of staff members to attend for free. Homeschooling could only be an option if I found a work at home job that offered insurance (ha!). Which leaves moving as a viable option. And if you're going to move, why not make it a great international experience? Lala could have a cute Kiwi accent and say things like "yissss," instead of "yes" and we could go to a beach with swim suits instead of jogging suits with fleece jackets. I could get used to eating pickled beets (they're on everything in that part of world... ) and Lala could gross out all her Kiwi friends by eating peanutbutter and jelly sandwiches.

Ok, it's January and constantly raining. Pictures of sunny beaches give you funny ideas.

No!

Over this week, I've noticed that the cuddler has really discovered the word no. Although, it's more "noooooo".  It's now his favorite response to almost any question.

"Do you want a cuppie?" "Noooo", while simultaneously walking in to the kitchen and opening up the dishwasher in search for a cuppie.

"Do you want to play on your firetruck?" Noooo."

"Do you want to play with legos?" Noooo."

It doesn't really matter what he wants or doesn't want, he's just in love with his newfound power of communication.

Lala has definitely moved into independence. She wants to do everything herself. Buckle her own seat belt, put on her own socks and clothes, change her own diaper.... good times, good times.

It's a little stunning to realize that the baby days are over. This week I put all the bottles away. I suppose I should throw them away, but it seems so wasteful. Although, who is going to want them? They've pretty much gone through two kids and they're plastic. The cuddler has somewhat attempted to crawl out of his crib, so I'm sure that toddler bed isn't too far behind... and then I'll have two kids, rather than two babies. Wow.

MidMonth Update

So, how have I been doing on my monthly goal? Well, lets just say that my sink is currently full of dishes from last night and I have no clean pants to wear to work tomorrow. Instead of catching up this holiday, I took a three hour nap. FYI - I don't like naps. They do not leave me refreshed or energy filled. And yet, for some reason I did it anyways. I am, truly, a hopeless case. If it wasn't for the kids, I'd give up completely. But they deserve to have an organized home.  In the meantime, I am determined to catch up on work so that I can devote more time to home (ha!) or perhaps come up with some other scheme to throw myself back into the mix and finish out the month with habit firtmly in hand.

Appros of nothing, last night I watched Return to Cranford. I'll admit I was enamored with the original Cranford, shown on Masterpiece Theater last year. (Why is that American television can never do anything as good? Oh, right, Americans. Carry on.) I have to say that I'm a bit jealous of the ladies of Cranford. They have such a wonderful friendship to bind them together. They are all very accepting of each others foilables - like dressing your cow in a union suit when it gets cold. I used to have friends that were that close... and then I moved. It's the one thing that makes me regret it. But it's not just the move, it's having little ones too... I can't just nip out for a cuppa and any evening has to be planned out in advance. Maybe when they're teens, I'll have a life again. I'll be sixty, but sixty is the new forty, right?

One Step Closer

Today Lala's mother relinquished her parental rights and our open communication agreement was filed with the court. The actual court appearance took only five minutes... the waiting for the court appearance took over two hours. Seriously, I walked into a packed building and left an empty one. There was a lot of emotion in that hallway. Anger, sadness and happiness, all clashing into each other and fighting over the four chairs to sit on.

Why did I go? Partly to see that it actually happened - there's been a lot of postponements and delays and partly to be a witness to this monumental event in my daughter's life. Ten, fifteen years from now, when we're having one of those serious conversations that young teens always want to have I can describe how it all went down from a first hand account. I think that's important for her and I think it's important in my relationship with her birth mom. It probably won't ever be the most comfortable of relationships, but I know that in her way she does love Lala and wants the best for her.

With in the next few weeks, the case will get an adoption worker and leave the capable hands of the CW we've worked with for the last two years. (Jeez! I just realized that it has been two years since Lala came into my life) That's a little scary - obviously I want to move one, but fear of the unknown always lurks around.  How long until we hit the absolute end? Perhaps I should start a betting pool.

Tomorrow Is Only A Day Away

Tomorrow may or may not be a step closer to ending this adoption chase for Lala. I’d like to say that it will be… but experience has taught me by this point that nothing is for sure.

Meanwhile, the cuddler is moving closer to become available for adoption. Yesterday I was sure that he had taken a step towards reunification. This morning my secret insider (ok, not really secret… but it sounds more interesting) gave me some news that made me somewhat confused as to what was going on and a meeting with his CW this evening confirmed the move towards adoption.

More tomorrow.

Madame Mim the Mind Reader

One of things I hate about foster to adopt is the amount of "reading the signs" I end up doing. 

Case Worker does this, it must mean that. Biological Parent does that, must mean this.

It is especially mind wracking when these "signs" are in conflict with one another. Mostly because it leads to another round of speculation. I really wish I could just go with the flow, let go, trust in God and all that crap, but apparently I can't. So, instead I sit around wondering what it all means.

Adoption Update

Lala's CW has been working with her BM to reliquish her parent rights. Today I signed the open communication agreement for Lala and hopefully the reliquishment will happen very soon. From that point... there's a light at the end of the tunnel. Faint, but glowing.

While my parenthood journey is just beginning...  an old classmate posted photos of her grandchild on fac*^ook.

GRANDCHILD!

I'm officially old and just delving into the world of playdough. Isn't it exciting?

Amazing Baby

Some of the things the cuddler has learned to do over the holidays...

• open the dishwasher to fetch a bottle, when I attempt to give him a "cuppy". I think it's time to wean.
• climb various pieces of furniture to grab containers of snacks.
• finally discovered the joy of a "blankie". Up to now, he's never cared.
• at lunch will say "sandwich", take a bite then say "mmmm!"
• take off his own clothes
• operate a cell phone. Luckily, he has not figured out how to use a smart phone.
• will bring his boo-boos to me to kiss-and-make-better.

He just gets smarter and more grown up every day.

Does falling asleep count as an excuse?

Last night I did not do my night routine. I went to take a nap after the kids were in bed - I really was tired! - and then ended up sleeping until 1 am. At that point, it's moot to get up and do the dishes before going to bed.

I did them this morning and did my morning routine. Now on to laundry and completing the assignments I was supposed to write after doing those dishes last night.

Happy New Year!

12 Months of Habit Building

It’s this time of year that everyone, whether they want to or not, reflects on the year passed. Some make resolutions to start anew, others decided to remain as they are. I’ve always been a part of the ‘start anew’ group. In fact, I have multiple calendar dates to start again – NYE, the 1st day of school, the last day of school… and so on.
This year, the latest crazy hitting the blogosphere is “101 in 1001 days”. Or maybe it’s not new, but rather hitting the blogs on my google reader. Either, it’s interesting reading. I created a list of my own and was even going to post it, until I realized that it is the same list I’ve had for the past five years. Posting it online probably won’t bring them to fruition any more than they have in the past five years. Honestly, my yearly goal for school is ALWAYS to keep up with grading and yet, EVERY year I somehow end up with stacks and stacks of papers. I’ve been ‘dieting’ since I was 12… and I still get the talk every time I see the doctor. Also, never run a marathon. And so on.
Instead what I need is a life style change. As a strict creature of habit, I need a change in habits. I am such a creature of habit, that some times I find myself in a middle of a task not realizing that when I began doing it, what I was doing before and… even more scary… if I did anything between those tasks. For the next 12 months, I’ll tackle a new habit each month to see if I can make a real change in my life style. If I hate it, it’s only 28 to 31 days. If it’s something I can really do, the month should make it into an ingrained habit for me. And it’s only one thing. Or rather, one personal habit and one professional habit. Everything else I can let slide… or at least not get in a sweat about.
For January, my habit is the basic evening and morning routines from FlyLady.net (see professional goal here). Starting January 1st to January 31st I’ll attempt to faithfully do both. Obviously, I would love to have a loverly, organized and clean house. Sadly, with two toddlers and a dog, I just don’t seem to be able to do that… but I’m hoping that I can keep the chaos at bay. And possibly not do the “please let there be a clean pair of underwear in the drawer” game every morning.

Evening Routine

• Pick up living room and put away things, magazines, dishes, clothes and shoes
• Kitchen – shine sink, lay out clean dish cloths and start dishwasher
• Clear hot spots in entrance and dining room
• check calendar for tomorrow’s appointments
• pack breakfasts and lunch
• put items I don’t want to forget into bag
• lay out clothes for tomorrow
• brush teeth, wash face and take vitamin
• go to bed at a decent time

Morning Routine

• make bed
• shower and clean shower while in there
• fix hair
• swish and swipe
• reboot laundry
• check calendar
• check dinner plan – thaw if needed

My hope is that by making this one small change, I’ll be able to have a little more organization in my life and perhaps make it run a little smoother.

Year In Review

It's done.

This is how you know that Christmas is over.

I spent the day putting the tree away and cleaning up for all the hoopla. Still have not fully unpacked the car, but have to stop to get milk before picking up the kidlets. Why is it that a day spent doing chores goes by so quickly? Isn't it "fun" that is supposed to make time fly? 'cause cleaning toilets is not my idea of fun...

Speaking of fun...Is it just me or did the entire country experience a stomach virus in the week just prior to Christmas? I've seen blog posts, facebook updates, etc. all describing the worshipping of the porcelain goddess from just about everywhere. How weird is that?

Merry Christmas!

Celebrating

1. Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate?
egg nog… with ice
2. Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree? 
one unwrapped under the tree with stockings
3. Colored lights on tree/house or white?
both. In the past I’ve been one of ‘those’ houses. This year, I just didn’t have time and had to let the idea go. There’s always next year.
4. Do you hang mistletoe?
no point. and really, why leave a constant reminder as to why there is no point?
5. When do you put your decorations up?
November 1st? Ok, black friday. I really try to hold off until then.
6. What is your favorite holiday dish?
roasted goose. so traditional and so yummy.
7. Favorite Holiday memory as a child?
shopping with my mother and grandmother. we always had lunch at the department store restaurant (back when they had those) and it was very, very fancy.
8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa?
I’m not really sure. I do remember going to sleep in my brother’s room as we were very excited about Santa coming… but I can’t remember for sure if that was the same year I had to put the presents out myself before they got up.
9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve?
We open all of the gifts on Christmas Eve. It’s a family tradition. Christmas day is for visiting and playing.
10. How do you decorate your Christmas tree?
This year with lights and paper ornaments. I have boxes of ornaments that all have some special meaning – I don’t do theme trees or matchy-matchy ones. I find them a bit boring.
11. Snow! Love it or Dread it?
Love it! very disappointed that there currently is none.
12. Can you ice skate?
Yes. Not as well as I’d like to, but I can skate forwards and backwards. Stopping is sometimes an issue.
13. Do you remember your favorite gift?
Barbie’s airplane. It had a passenger compartment and kitchenette. No cockpit. It was the early 70’s and Barbie was a stewardess.
14. What's the most important thing about the holidays for you?
family. even though they are crazy and make me crazy, it still wouldn’t be Christmas without them.
15. What is your favorite holiday dessert?
cookies – all kinds
16. What is your favorite holiday tradition?
christmas lights
17. What tops your tree?
a lighted star, 1950’s retro
18. Which do you prefer giving or receiving?
if they visited my wish list, receiving. Otherwise giving.
19. What is your favorite Christmas song?
This year it’s ‘Bring a Torch, Jeanette, Isabella’ The old carols are always in the top 10 of favorites
20. Candy Canes: Yuck or Yum?
yum!
21 Favorite Christmas Show?
any version of A Christmas Carol. I love the ending where Scrooge is running around making everyone happy and having the most fun doing it. Also, Fezziwig’s party sounds like da’ bomb, yo.

Too True

Illness Continues...

Or, Wherein I praise God for the writers of Finding Nemo.
Of course, the cuddler gave me his stomach virus, just in time for the annual preparations for the trip to the ol' homestead. I spent much of the weekend sanitizing myself so that Lala wouldn't be the next victim just in time for Santa's visit. Or rather, our visit to my parents house.
We're leaving tomorrow morning. That should have meant me packing, doing laundry and cleaning in preparation for the long trip. Instead I napped most of the day. As usual, I'll be rushing around in a panic tomorrow morning, leaving the house in a state of disaster and probably forgetting something important - not be realized until at least 100 miles away - like my wallet.
So far, the presents have been wrapped or packed. Snacks have been purchased. The kids have clothes to pack, although I do not. And they still need socks. We never have enough socks. No cuppies or food additives have been packed and the car hasn't been cleaned out for the trip. I also need to install the DVD player, get dog food and some how give the dog sitter the keys. And someone gave the cuddler a frosted sugar cookie, so he'll need a bath. All done before 10 am tomorrow.

101 Things in 1001 Days

1. get up early to exercise 31 days in a row
2. create a menu plan for a month and stick to it
3. do dishes every night before going to bed for 31 days in a row
4. visit NYC
5. organize front closet
6. organize desk
7. fix desktop computer
8. go on a camping trip
9. enter a 5k race
10. get rid of the baby clothes
11. throw an adoption completion party
12. paint kitchen cabinets
13. get a gas stove
14. post to blogs 3x's a week for six months
15. organize purse
16. purge kids toys
17. take more videos
18. go sledding
19. teach Lala to tie her shoes
20. potty training
21. hair cut
22. add more photos to blog posts
23. hang curtains in the cuddler's room
24. get doors for shelves in kitchen
25. go the hands on the museum 2x's a semester
26. sign Lala up for swim lessons
27. sign Lala up for dance lessons
28. get an electronic keyboard
29. take dog to dog training classes
30. do Visiting Teaching each month
31. get a nightly routine and stick to it
32. reduce the number of hours the TV is on
33. run a marathon
34. make a five year plan
35. create a family tree picture
36. learn to golf
37. learn to set tile
38. throw away bath stuff I won't use even if it is a waste done 19.12.09
39. renew my teaching certificate
40. read sense and sensibility
41. attend a renaissance festival
42. Take Lala to the Metropolitan Museum of Art
43. go on a date
44. re-read the Book of Mormon
45. no fast food for a month
46. stop drinking coffee
47. pay tithing in full
48. start every day with family prayer
49. do Family Home Evening
50. organize baby calendars and save
51. keep up with grading
52. go on a family picnic
53. organize files for medical reimbursement
54. install screen door for back porch
55. plant entire garden
56. keep up with weeding
57. create a budget
58. post one book review per month
59. create an emergency fund of $5000
60. write a short story
61. perform 20 Random of Acts of Kindness
62. loose 30 pounds
63. create a front porch “room”
64. email grandma ones a week for a year
65. take kids to fly kites
66. host a dinner party/game night
67. make a major chore schedule and stick to for 3 months
68. Re-do kitchen
69. Re-do Bathroom
70. go horseback riding
71. do a book pass
72. learn to make Challah
73. do a full Spring Cleaning
74. save $5000 for a new car
75. Learn SQL
76. Create a curriculum map for AP Classes
77. Sew a new dress
78. do a craft project with kids 2xs a month
79. Update first aid card
80. complete foster care training
81. learn to cook healthier dishes
82. pay off student loans
83. get a safety deposit box
84. get Lala a passport
85. Go to Shakespeare Festival
86. Keep up with laundry
87. use reusable bags for shopping 10xs
88. drink 8 glasses of H2O for 31 days
89. Teach Lala to snow ski
90. Visit yosemite park
91. start project 395
92. organize pantry
93. complete unfinished craft projects
94. submit an article for publication
95. save $5000 for moving expenses
96. Repaint the cuddler’s bedroom
97. Get a design plan for the living room
98. create a flower garden in front yard
99. write blog post every week
100. go on 10 hikes
101. take Lala camping

Vomitous

I'm one of those lucky moms... illnesses never show up around here until after 5 pm on Friday.

Yesterday it started with diarrhea yesterday, although not bad. Then, after a lunch of toast and applesauce, the cuddler awoke from his nap covered in vomit. Oh, yes... let the fun begin. I went to bed praying that this would just be a 24 hour bug. The cuddler was vomit free this morning until he has milk. And it started all over again. He's gone through about 5 shirts, 2 pairs of pjs and three sheets. Plus half of a jumbo sized lysol wipe container and I think I might just be on a Lysol high. Oh, and at least one melt down because Lala got to eat snack and he didn't.

Watching the first snowfall

I hate cleaning up vomit. It's so.... gelatinous. And smelly. Other than the vomit, he's acting like his normal self. Into everything, demanding that someone play with him, opening the gate, climbing the furniture.

Holiday Fun

When you are two, a gingerbread house may be a bit intimidating. Ok, when you are 40, a gingerbread house IS intimidating. All that precarious stacking and royal icing. Pastry bags! They never work like they do on TV!

A stackable tree shape on the other hand is eminently doable. Just plop down the cookie and some icing. No pastry bag required.

If you buy the kit, no cooking required. You do get tons of childhood memories and when you are two or 40, that is what’s really important.

What memories are you making this year?