Open Adoption

I have an open adoption agreement with birthmothers of both kids. It’s something I’ve felt was important for them, at least when they’re older.

But it’s a catch-22.

Right now, it’s not all that important to either of them. Let’s face it, they’re little kids and don’t really understand what it’s all about. We haven’t even got to the “where to babies come from” stage, so, it’s not like they have questions or are curious to see anyone. At this stage of game, the agreement is more about birth mom’s feelings. I get that. Really.

At the same time, there are very real reasons as to why neither birthmom could parent in the way the children needed them to. That is concerning to me on many levels. Maintaining contact requires a lot of judgment calls on my part to protect the children from potentially dangerous situations and probably protect myself from them, as well.

And let’s not get into how awkward visits can be.

I guess what I’m trying to tread carefully in saying is that walking that line can really suck. And most of the time I’m not sure if I’m walking on the right side. I’m still a big supporter of maintaining contact, but it’s not for faint of heart.

Recently, I got a request for more frequent visits. I didn’t know how to respond. I still don’t, to be honest. In the funny how life works category, I ran into a former CW, who knows the BM very, very well. When I mentioned the request, her first reaction was ‘No!’. It confirmed what I was feeling. That this wasn’t appropriate.

Now I just need to figure out a way to say it.