Have you SEEN the latest projections? If not, please don't. It's more than depressing.
Good God almighty... I now see the plan. The plan is just to take so long in getting referrals out that either everyone will switch to special needs or just drop out. Seriously, it's the only explanation I can think of...
Sep 19, 2008
Sep 1, 2008
17 Months
gone by... in the original plan I should be waiting excitedly for my referral. Instead, I'm not even thinking I'll get one for another 3 to 4 years. Oh well. "The oft laid plans of mice and men.." and all that jazz.
In meantime, I've learned how to take a car seat completely appart to wash out vomited milk out of the nooks and crannies. It's taken two days so far and I'm still waiting for the final smell test. Yuck.
In meantime, I've learned how to take a car seat completely appart to wash out vomited milk out of the nooks and crannies. It's taken two days so far and I'm still waiting for the final smell test. Yuck.
Aug 4, 2008
Twilight Series
At the beginning of the last school year, my students started telling me about this book they were reading. More than a couple of students. It was a great book they claimed and best of all... it featured good ol' Washington. Forks, WA to be exact - which is just about 20 miles east of the end of the earth. Seriously. My great uncle and aunt lived there for many years. There is nothing out there. Of course, this makes it the perfect setting for the book. Remote and rainy.
The book was, of course, Twilight. Another two books soon followed. The poor librarian had to hide a copy so I could read it. I try to read all the books that several students are raving about. Even kids who don't like to talk about reading, LOVE to talk about books they think are fantastic. And the series is good. There's undying love (which every teenager believes they are either in or have been thwarted at). There's fighting, death and gore. And it rains all the time. I think this fact makes it much more relatedable to my students. It rains all the time here too! The main character doesn't describe herself as beautiful. In fact, she believes she's a doof. Of course, those around her don't. Again, all the insecure girls reading see themselves (and they're all insecure). All the boys would like to think of themselves as something incredibly irresistable but slightly scary - much like the main male character. FWIW, I've seen just as many boys reading this as girls.
The latest book Breaking Dawn
. It was released August 2nd. I drove to the nearest bookstore and bought it. Because of the baby it took me two days to read it. They aren't complex stories, literarily speaking. They are entertaining, though. This last book, much like the final Harry Potter, wraps everything up with a couple of twists. I was nearly done with the second section when it dawned on my what one of the biggest twists was going to be. I actually said "no way!" outloud and giggled. If a book makes you talk outloud to yourself, it's good.
The book was, of course, Twilight. Another two books soon followed. The poor librarian had to hide a copy so I could read it. I try to read all the books that several students are raving about. Even kids who don't like to talk about reading, LOVE to talk about books they think are fantastic. And the series is good. There's undying love (which every teenager believes they are either in or have been thwarted at). There's fighting, death and gore. And it rains all the time. I think this fact makes it much more relatedable to my students. It rains all the time here too! The main character doesn't describe herself as beautiful. In fact, she believes she's a doof. Of course, those around her don't. Again, all the insecure girls reading see themselves (and they're all insecure). All the boys would like to think of themselves as something incredibly irresistable but slightly scary - much like the main male character. FWIW, I've seen just as many boys reading this as girls.
The latest book Breaking Dawn
. It was released August 2nd. I drove to the nearest bookstore and bought it. Because of the baby it took me two days to read it. They aren't complex stories, literarily speaking. They are entertaining, though. This last book, much like the final Harry Potter, wraps everything up with a couple of twists. I was nearly done with the second section when it dawned on my what one of the biggest twists was going to be. I actually said "no way!" outloud and giggled. If a book makes you talk outloud to yourself, it's good.
Aug 1, 2008
Fingerprint Appointment
In two weeks, I'll be heading up to Seattle to get my fingerprints done for my renewal.
I sent a letter to my agency to ask if I should send a copy of the letter to show that I'm in the process of renewing. The reply I got was "CCAA is not requiring a current I-171H at this time". Gee, that's a little different than the response I got 3 months ago when I asked about whether I needed this or not.
Since the check was cashed, I guess the writer felt it acceptable to tell me specific information, rather than vague generalities. And since they were denied Hague status (again), I can't even go the special needs route. Not that I was totally planning too, but I am irked.
I sent a letter to my agency to ask if I should send a copy of the letter to show that I'm in the process of renewing. The reply I got was "CCAA is not requiring a current I-171H at this time". Gee, that's a little different than the response I got 3 months ago when I asked about whether I needed this or not.
Since the check was cashed, I guess the writer felt it acceptable to tell me specific information, rather than vague generalities. And since they were denied Hague status (again), I can't even go the special needs route. Not that I was totally planning too, but I am irked.
Jul 29, 2008
Jul 26, 2008
Reprieve
Yesterday I got the news that Lala will not be going home in September. Apparently, I misunderstood - and September would be an evaluation time. ohhhhh.... well, that two is out the window. Lala's bio-mom made a choice that could be a minor set-back or turn into a Dr. Phil special episode. The jury is still out. However, this does mean that Halloween is a definite and probably Thanksgiving. It's crazy to me that she made this decision, even if it turns out not to be that big of a deal, because it definitely sets the whole reunification schedule back by months.
I was also asked if I would take one of Lala's older sisters (7). I'm still thinking... it's a scary proposition. The possible behaviors, juggling two kids and a full load of honors courses (teaching)... and the laundry. But at the same time, I feel really guilty in saying no, knowing that Lala only spends a few hours a week with her siblings and doesn't have much interaction with them. It's still a debate.
I was also asked if I would take one of Lala's older sisters (7). I'm still thinking... it's a scary proposition. The possible behaviors, juggling two kids and a full load of honors courses (teaching)... and the laundry. But at the same time, I feel really guilty in saying no, knowing that Lala only spends a few hours a week with her siblings and doesn't have much interaction with them. It's still a debate.
Jul 19, 2008
Mailed
I sent in my free renewal form... now, just waiting for a receipt. And, of course, the renewal.
Jul 16, 2008
A little stab of fear
This morning I got a call from the transporation service that carries Lala to her visits with her birth mother. She goes twice a week and usually keeps them - at least Lala goes most of the time. I'm actually not sure how many "mom" makes, since I get no information about what happens at these visits. I know she goes even if "mom" doesn't go because she has siblings that also attend. WA state law requires that children in foster homes who are separated from siblings get at least one visit per week with each other.
Tomorrow Lala will be gone quite a long time because she is going to "mom's" house. That means no supervision at all... I'm afraid that somehow either Lala won't get anything to drink or (more likely) will be given drinks/foods that she can't have. I think it may have already happened - Lala has been coughing and pretty raspy since a couple of weeks ago when she came home with red liquid stains on her dress. Of course, it could just be my over sensitive worry barometer.
This news also makes her going home a little more real. That's just too sad to think about, but I really have to prepare myself for it. The move day has been pushed back by a month, but it's still only two months away.
Tomorrow Lala will be gone quite a long time because she is going to "mom's" house. That means no supervision at all... I'm afraid that somehow either Lala won't get anything to drink or (more likely) will be given drinks/foods that she can't have. I think it may have already happened - Lala has been coughing and pretty raspy since a couple of weeks ago when she came home with red liquid stains on her dress. Of course, it could just be my over sensitive worry barometer.
This news also makes her going home a little more real. That's just too sad to think about, but I really have to prepare myself for it. The move day has been pushed back by a month, but it's still only two months away.
Jul 13, 2008
Busy Month
July started out with a bang - on the 30th, Lala was diagnosed with dysphagia. It means that she has problems swallowing. Thin liquids (water-like) to be exact. This is why she was sick for most of the winter and why she had recently stopped drinking formula. Apparently, she is smarter than everyone else, knew what was wrong and decided to take care of the issue herself since we (myself, doctors, everyone else she came in contact with) didn't seem to be figuring it out. There really isn't a cure... we just have to thicken all of her liquids to thin gel-like substance. The technical term is "honey thick". She seems to be doing ok, but she's got another cold. We have a follow up with her primary care doctor, so we'll see what happens.
In the meantime, summer school started. Yay. Unfortunately, the local juvenille judge heard of the class and is forcing a few kids to go. Always fun to teach the belligerant who rank you the same as Juvie. (yes, they have 20 hours free... but teenage brains don't work like that. In 10 to 15 years, you'll all understand. Pray now.)
I should get my homestudy update on Tuesday and have it mailed out to USCIS that day. I think I finally choose a color for the living room. Got a bid for new counter tops... over $2000 for the labor alone. I think I'll be sticking with the current ones for a little while longer.
In the meantime, summer school started. Yay. Unfortunately, the local juvenille judge heard of the class and is forcing a few kids to go. Always fun to teach the belligerant who rank you the same as Juvie. (yes, they have 20 hours free... but teenage brains don't work like that. In 10 to 15 years, you'll all understand. Pray now.)
I should get my homestudy update on Tuesday and have it mailed out to USCIS that day. I think I finally choose a color for the living room. Got a bid for new counter tops... over $2000 for the labor alone. I think I'll be sticking with the current ones for a little while longer.
Jun 28, 2008
Crawling and Hilarity
Lala is definitely crawling around. This has not only opened a new world to her, but has greatly increased her curiosity. The other day she was playing with the folded clothes and somehow got tangled up in my bra. It was hard to not to laugh while she struggled to pull it off. I'm still not sure how she got it on.
She made it through the 4 day absence seemingly ok. Last night I came home (she was dropped off to my mother) and picked her up - she immediately started bawling like she was scared of me. That almost broke my heart. Eventually, she started smiling and playing, although she was very tired.
Today I left to run to the post office and my mom said that after I left, she crawled over to her blankie, wimpered and sucked on the tag. I wonder if she thought I wouldn't be back? Anyhow... no more traveling for me.
I started the process to update my I-171H. I'm hoping the update will be here just after the holiday and I can mail it in. I'm currently at 15 months and holding.
She made it through the 4 day absence seemingly ok. Last night I came home (she was dropped off to my mother) and picked her up - she immediately started bawling like she was scared of me. That almost broke my heart. Eventually, she started smiling and playing, although she was very tired.
Today I left to run to the post office and my mom said that after I left, she crawled over to her blankie, wimpered and sucked on the tag. I wonder if she thought I wouldn't be back? Anyhow... no more traveling for me.
I started the process to update my I-171H. I'm hoping the update will be here just after the holiday and I can mail it in. I'm currently at 15 months and holding.
Jun 20, 2008
Traveling
Next week I'm off to a conference in the big city of Seattle (actually Bellevue). It's four days long and I can't take Lala with me. Last time I had to go away, I called for respite and looked forward to spending my nights sleeping blissfully. It didn't really work out like that and I missed her a lot.
This time I'm already missing her and I'm not leaving until next week. I'm still trying to get my mother approved, but it looks like Lala will be heading to respite again. I'm worried that she'll be scared to be spending so much time with strangers - I mean, the dog freaks out and misses me like crazy, I can only imagine what Lala will be feeling. After all, she's lived with me for longer than anyone else in her short life. We're going over to the respite house on Sunday to do a meet-n-greet. Lala isn't always so good with strangers. People still always ask me if she talks - "yes, it just a while for her to warm up."
Plus, I'm totally dreading packing all the clothes, diapers, toys, blankies, food and night time CD and taking them over to the respite house.
On the other hand, I'm thinking it might be good for me. It's a big probability that Lala will go home at the end of the summer and I know it's going to be hard. This trip is like a dry run.
This time I'm already missing her and I'm not leaving until next week. I'm still trying to get my mother approved, but it looks like Lala will be heading to respite again. I'm worried that she'll be scared to be spending so much time with strangers - I mean, the dog freaks out and misses me like crazy, I can only imagine what Lala will be feeling. After all, she's lived with me for longer than anyone else in her short life. We're going over to the respite house on Sunday to do a meet-n-greet. Lala isn't always so good with strangers. People still always ask me if she talks - "yes, it just a while for her to warm up."
Plus, I'm totally dreading packing all the clothes, diapers, toys, blankies, food and night time CD and taking them over to the respite house.
On the other hand, I'm thinking it might be good for me. It's a big probability that Lala will go home at the end of the summer and I know it's going to be hard. This trip is like a dry run.
Jun 19, 2008
ok, I may have miscounted..
Actually, I think the I-171H expires in July... this would be a lot easier if they put an expiration date on the damn thing. I realize that they're not used to multi-year waits, but don't government workers live for that kind of stuff.
Obviously, my previous reaction was such that made me realize that I am a bit more invested in this China thing... so I emailed my agency about updating my homestudy on Wed. They haven't written back. Maybe it's a sign. I just dunno any more.
Obviously, my previous reaction was such that made me realize that I am a bit more invested in this China thing... so I emailed my agency about updating my homestudy on Wed. They haven't written back. Maybe it's a sign. I just dunno any more.
Jun 17, 2008
doing better...
Maybe it was the loverly pressies from my secret pal or the look on Lala's face when I showed her the linking bath toy (caterpillar), but I'm feeling more calm. Or at least the world isn't crashing around me at the moment.
In keeping with my whole "control what you can - let go of what you can't" life philosophy I'm trusting that what is meant to happen will. What I can control is that Lala is loved, safe, clean, well-fed and encouraged to grow healthy and happy. Also, she wears some really cute outfits.
If only it would start heating up to something over 60 degrees. All those cute summer dresses are starting to mold in the closet. Stupid rain.
In keeping with my whole "control what you can - let go of what you can't" life philosophy I'm trusting that what is meant to happen will. What I can control is that Lala is loved, safe, clean, well-fed and encouraged to grow healthy and happy. Also, she wears some really cute outfits.
If only it would start heating up to something over 60 degrees. All those cute summer dresses are starting to mold in the closet. Stupid rain.
Bad Day
In looking over my paperwork, I discovered that my I-171 will expire next week. I know I keep saying I wasn't going to renew, but somehow the fact that it's expired for all intents and purposes, comes as a blow. It's done. It's over.
I think it's more of a blow because I've started telling people that Lala will probably be going home at the end of the summer. Maybe sooner, maybe later... but for now the plan is in motion for her to go home. I could tell the people I told at lunch were a bit shocked at my casualness, but I've known for almost a month and somehow convinced myself that "it's ok."
Next week I have to take Lala to respite while I attend a conference in Seattle. This is what is really making it all come to head. I can't think of a week without seeing her. What if she starts to walk? What if she takes off crawling? She's moving, but not very fast or far.
It's just all coming to a head in short space of time.
I think it's more of a blow because I've started telling people that Lala will probably be going home at the end of the summer. Maybe sooner, maybe later... but for now the plan is in motion for her to go home. I could tell the people I told at lunch were a bit shocked at my casualness, but I've known for almost a month and somehow convinced myself that "it's ok."
Next week I have to take Lala to respite while I attend a conference in Seattle. This is what is really making it all come to head. I can't think of a week without seeing her. What if she starts to walk? What if she takes off crawling? She's moving, but not very fast or far.
It's just all coming to a head in short space of time.
Jun 8, 2008
Almost Crawling
I think I may have to buy some baby gates really soon... Lala's ten month birthday was yesterday and she's just about ready to take off. She's finally figured out that she needs to pick up her hind end. The only thing left to figure out is how to move forward. Backwards scooting is down pat.
Yesterday, as I was doing the dishes, I heard a squawk coming from the living room. I looked over, but couldn't see Lala. I walked around the corner and discovered her stuck under the coffee table. Apparently she scooted backwards underneath in a sitting position. She couldn't figure out how to go forward to get out. If she hadn't been squawking to get out, I would have taken a photo. Hysterical.
I'm sure there will be more to come.
Yesterday, as I was doing the dishes, I heard a squawk coming from the living room. I looked over, but couldn't see Lala. I walked around the corner and discovered her stuck under the coffee table. Apparently she scooted backwards underneath in a sitting position. She couldn't figure out how to go forward to get out. If she hadn't been squawking to get out, I would have taken a photo. Hysterical.
I'm sure there will be more to come.
Jun 2, 2008
Walking the dog
since Lala arrived, the dog has been a bit ignored. Ok, more than a bit. But I want to fix that, and possibly stop the impending expansion of my ass. So for the past three days we've gone on a walk in the afternoon. I know I should take her out in the morning too, but seriously that's just not going to happen while I'm working.
The goal is to make to 30 days and make it a habit. Also, to stop buying ice cream.
The goal is to make to 30 days and make it a habit. Also, to stop buying ice cream.
May 27, 2008
May 26, 2008
Reading
I've been trying to read A New Earth - it's slow going. Lala takes up a lot of time and what little time I have left over, I use to keep up the grading (I really have to stop assigning so much work - it's such a pain the ass to grade).
Anyhoo, one thing that has stayed with me so far is the idea that life is suffering. I don't mean that in a "oh whoa is me" kinda way, but rather that things aren't going work out like I've planned. It isn't meant to be easy and sometimes bad stuff happens. It's like saying why not me? I mean, would I really be able to choose someone else to carry my burdens? And whose would I pick up? Nothing is perfect and I have been blessed with some many things that others pray for every day.
That's part of the reason why I love reading other people's blogs. It makes me feel like I'm not alone in this journey - other people struggle and they succeed or they don't, but there life doesn't end. Neither will mine. I watch Lala play on the floor and think to myself that she is the most beautiful baby there ever was and I hope that when the time comes for her to go home we both can handle it and that she will remember the love and safety that she felt here. I'm sure it will hurt like heck, but I know I can carry my own burdens and my life will go on.
Anyhoo, one thing that has stayed with me so far is the idea that life is suffering. I don't mean that in a "oh whoa is me" kinda way, but rather that things aren't going work out like I've planned. It isn't meant to be easy and sometimes bad stuff happens. It's like saying why not me? I mean, would I really be able to choose someone else to carry my burdens? And whose would I pick up? Nothing is perfect and I have been blessed with some many things that others pray for every day.
That's part of the reason why I love reading other people's blogs. It makes me feel like I'm not alone in this journey - other people struggle and they succeed or they don't, but there life doesn't end. Neither will mine. I watch Lala play on the floor and think to myself that she is the most beautiful baby there ever was and I hope that when the time comes for her to go home we both can handle it and that she will remember the love and safety that she felt here. I'm sure it will hurt like heck, but I know I can carry my own burdens and my life will go on.
May 23, 2008
Not the news I wanted...
Lala will probably be going home by the end of the summer.
It's taken a few days to fully process all the information - I suppose there is a minuscule chance that she won't go home, but somehow it feels wrong to hope for that. Instead I guess I'll just keep going each day... and really, I know there are a lot of people who give anything for the short months that I've had. I got a mother's day card. I bought an Easter dress. I've already bought a 4th of July dress. And maybe I'll get a first birthday squeezed in.
In the meantime, Lala was referred to a pulmunologist. We drove all the way to the very large city not-so-near-by and got nada. She was perfectly healthy while there - no "crackling", no darth-vader like breathing. We have to go back in a couple of months for another evaluation after having a swallow study. It's possible that she's been aspirating food and that's causing repiratory infections. Of course, given the past history, she'll do fantastic and we're back at square one.
This morning we went to day care as usual. An hour and half later, Lala had a fever of 102 and I had to leave work to pick her up. Her regular doctor said, "this may just be a regular day care virus for once." No ear infection, no lung "crackle", no snot. At least I got about a 5 day weekend.
It's taken a few days to fully process all the information - I suppose there is a minuscule chance that she won't go home, but somehow it feels wrong to hope for that. Instead I guess I'll just keep going each day... and really, I know there are a lot of people who give anything for the short months that I've had. I got a mother's day card. I bought an Easter dress. I've already bought a 4th of July dress. And maybe I'll get a first birthday squeezed in.
In the meantime, Lala was referred to a pulmunologist. We drove all the way to the very large city not-so-near-by and got nada. She was perfectly healthy while there - no "crackling", no darth-vader like breathing. We have to go back in a couple of months for another evaluation after having a swallow study. It's possible that she's been aspirating food and that's causing repiratory infections. Of course, given the past history, she'll do fantastic and we're back at square one.
This morning we went to day care as usual. An hour and half later, Lala had a fever of 102 and I had to leave work to pick her up. Her regular doctor said, "this may just be a regular day care virus for once." No ear infection, no lung "crackle", no snot. At least I got about a 5 day weekend.
May 10, 2008
Specialists
The doctor's appointment yesterday went very fast - no ear infections, definately no allergies, but there is something wrong. Apparently, babies are not supposed to sound like Darth Vader or have a near constant stream of snot coming out of their noses. Who knew? Everyone else told me they were...
So we're off to see some lung specialists and a "swallow test". It's suspected that Lala has large adnoids (just like mom and grandma... who says adopted kids get nothing from adoptive parents), although she could have asperated food. The manager of the daycare told me the story of a young boy who was constantly sick with breathing problems. Finally, at age 2 (!!!), doctors discovered a mass in his lung, operated and found a piece of popcorn. It had been there for over a year! So now, I'm slightly worried about possible cheerios, but more than slightly worried about french fries (her diet at 4 months! :( I'm also slightly relieved that it's not allergies, we're back on antibiotics, and that something will be figured out.
The specialists visit requires a day off and a trip to the big-big city. I was really hoping to have a month where I didn't take a day off... but at least this way I can assure my TA's that we'll get decent sub who pays attention. You'd be surprised at the number who feel it's perfectly acceptable to read the entire time.
So we're off to see some lung specialists and a "swallow test". It's suspected that Lala has large adnoids (just like mom and grandma... who says adopted kids get nothing from adoptive parents), although she could have asperated food. The manager of the daycare told me the story of a young boy who was constantly sick with breathing problems. Finally, at age 2 (!!!), doctors discovered a mass in his lung, operated and found a piece of popcorn. It had been there for over a year! So now, I'm slightly worried about possible cheerios, but more than slightly worried about french fries (her diet at 4 months! :( I'm also slightly relieved that it's not allergies, we're back on antibiotics, and that something will be figured out.
The specialists visit requires a day off and a trip to the big-big city. I was really hoping to have a month where I didn't take a day off... but at least this way I can assure my TA's that we'll get decent sub who pays attention. You'd be surprised at the number who feel it's perfectly acceptable to read the entire time.
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