Paperwork

I'm almost done with the paperwork for the homestudy - just one last thing to get in the mail. It's amazing to me how many people have claimed to have mailed various things, only to find them buried somewhere weeks later. I dunno if it's a sign or what.

Lately, I've been going through a lot of questioning about this decision. Can I actually do this? Will I have enough money? Can I even afford the adoption costs... let alone the costs of raising a child? I am a huge money worried. When I was a child, money was a big issue - mostly because of mismanagement. Now, I worry about it constantly. How do I save money and buy tires? What about the expensive 40,000 mile check on the car?... what about tuition?

The truth is that I can do it, I just need to relax about it and take everything one step at a time. I won't be really rich, but that's just stuff.

First Homestudy Meeting

Wednesday was my first homestudy meeting; all about paperwork!

Yesterday I mailed out all the paperwork needed by others and plan on spending today gathering the paperwork I can. Luckily, the state capital is not that far way (by western standards), so I can do the walk in thing for a new birth certificate (can't use the old one!!!). Otherwise it's $40!!!!! to ship out a one piece of paper. This is what happens when you live in state where everyone votes that everybody but them should pay taxes... personal responsibility, Bah!

The check's in the mail

I sent in the check to begin my homestudy... I'm really one my way. This was actually a pretty easy step, basically because I have no idea what is next. I'm just sitting around trying to figure out what to do next. Natually, I decided to shop. When all else fails... shopping is a good choice.

Of course, because I'm desperately trying to be frugal with my money, I decided the best thing to do is to create some shopping rules. Since I've got at least a year and half until my daughter is home and the whole money thing... the first rule is that anything I purchase has to be under $3. Shopping is much more interesting when searching out bargains anyways. So far, I've purchased a stuffed frog. It was $1.99 and really soft. It's now sitting in potential nursery with a bunny I made last Easter and my fox. The fox is a puppet I was given on my 9th birthday. I don't have a lot of things from my childhood because of a disasterous Christmas fire, but the fox survived. It's somewhat ragged, but a lot of fun! I also have a white seal (I stole it back from my sister) named "sealy" (weren't we creative?), a snoopy dog and a teddy bear I got in college. If only snoopy's wardrobe had survived...

I also bought a book, of course... I am a teacher, so you know that was a given. I bought it before I made the rule about price limits and I would have broke it anyways. There's no way I could turn down a WSU indoctrination tool! The book is too cute! Photos of all the notable places and a section devoted to football (along with other sports) and a place to put baby's photo with their listed WSU graduation date. The printing company makes them for about 40 universities - the ones with the more, shall we say, committed alumni. The kind that fill half their football stadiums with season ticket holders and sell college sweatshirts to 70 year olds. Yeah, that's us. WSU graduates (Cougs) are able to rattle off their college fight songs at will even 50 years after graduation. One of the best things about my current teaching job is that the school has the same colors as WSU. Minimum change in wardrobes.

In the meantime, I need to start researching what insurance I actually do have - disability, etc. and what life insurance I have and keep saving money. I guess I'm just afraid that some one will come along and figure out that teachers are very lowly paid and that it's not enough.

I've got to stop

...reading the rumor blogs. They're just depressing at times.

In the meantime, I've decided that I can't purchase anything for the baby that is priced over $2. I figure it will keep me from going crazy and give me something to do. I love bargain shopping! Actually, I just love shopping and it's a really hard habit to break. So, the $2 limit is probably a really good thing for me.

I bought a ceramic birdhouse (it's really cute!), a stuffed frog and some plastic plug covers and drawer pull stopper-thingys. They'll all last for the next two years.

Paperwork

Today I got my first large envelop. I'm sure it's the first among many... full of forms to fill out and instructions to move to the next step. Each day brings me closer to motherhood. Kinda scary when sitting and thinking about it. The idea of the responsibility is awesome to think about, so I try not to think to far ahead. It's almost overwhelming when the whole picture is spread out. At the same time, just thinking about so many happy moments to come lifts the spirit to such heights! It's like riding a see-saw. One minute I'm up, the next, I'm down.

So for today, fill out these papers, write these checks and worry about tomorrow when it comes.

I Got A Spot!

I did get the 2007 spot! My application is in the process of being approved by the central office and I'm on my way!

There still isn't any real news on what is going on with China for the coming year, so I guess we just keep trucking on until something different happens. In the meantime, the new school year has started. If ever there was an all consuming distraction, that is it!

End of August

I've been exchanging email with the agency again - I'm wondering how I will wait for a referral if I can't even wait 13 days for someone to turn down a 2007 spot... they've said that most likely I will get it, since they still haven't gotten a response (how that happens, I'll never understand). I'd be dancing and screaming yippee!!! if the boards hadn't been full of rumors about a change in China's adoption policy.

The rumors boil down to : No singles will be allowed to submit paperwork to adopt any child (SN or NSN) after 12/31/2006. What will the actual rule change be? No one knows... who knows if there will even be a rule change? Others are saying that rumors like this appear every year. However, with referral times stretching to 13 months, and the increasing numbers of adoptions by two-parent families, I guess they would feel that some type of restriction would have to be put into place.

What will I do if they do ban single adoptions? At this point I don't know... it already seems like, two steps back for every step forward.

Adding to the stress is telling my father this weekend. He's been in Alaska for the past 3 months and while giving 3000 miles of space while he mulls it over did seem like a good idea... it also sounded like the chicken way out. I know that he won't exactly be on board with the idea, mostly because of financial reasons - it's too expensive (children in general), too much responsibility and I won't have enough time to do it right being a single mother. All things that I continue wrestle with on a daily basis. Plus at this point, there isn't really anything to tell him.

No reply

The agency who's packet I finally received... they still aren't responding to email. I even tried emailing from another address thinking that maybe a free email address might have been shunted to the "spam" pile, but still no response. It's not that big of an agency, how long can it take to answer a simple email question? Is this how they would act during the adoption process? I'm not a demanding type person... but I do think that an simple email should be responded to within 5 days. Am I crazy?

I also got an email from an agency with a spot open for 2006 - but I would have to get all my paperwork in by Nov. 1st. That means a lot of running around and shelling out at a lot of money that I thought I would have time to save for. On the other hand, it also means I could have a child in my arms by early 2008! (or even less time if the wait shortens, heh.) I finally discovered some local homestudy agencies (phonebook, who knew people still used those?), so on Monday, I'll start calling around to get prices. I'm hoping that going local will save me a bit of money.

Great Wall will be having their "application review" in two months for 2007 slots. It's so crazy to be haunting the net like this... searching for an opening and hedging bets everywhere. But every way I've thought about expiditing the process seems to be at least unethical, if not illegal.

Update again

I finally broke down and emailed the agency to find out what was going on with their single's wait list. The reply I got was "wait some more"... They got their two slots and are waiting to hear if the number two person still wants the spot. I know I waffled between really wanting the spot and waiting longer, but right now I really want that spot.

Another agency I contacted finally sent me their information packet. Initially they had told me that the time line was that they would probably be able to get me to DTC by mid-2007. However, that was over a month ago (apprently my email was lost somewhere in the ethernet), so who knows if it is still good. They're definately a cheaper route, but again, the thought of jumping in makes me nervous.

I've been telling people that I'm thinking about adopting - aquaitance type people... so I guess that means, I'm making it more real for myself. Yesterday I almost bought a really cute shelf to put into the baby's room, but stopped myself. With two years to go, it seems like it would end up sitting around reminding me that time is moving slowly. Or that I'm getting older quickly. Or something.

Vacation!

Summer School is over! I'm free! Free, I tell you! MWWWAAAAHAHAAHA!

Ok, I'm a little excited to be done with summer school. I know the money will come in handy when I need to start school, but it is not enough money! Anyways, I don't have to do anything for next 3 and half weeks.

I haven't heard anything from the adoption agency. I guess I'll just have to go with the "no news is good news" line of thinking. What is good news? At this point, I don't know. If they called and said I had an spot, I'd probably freak out - both positively and negatively. If they call and tell me I'll be waiting for another year, I'll be sad, but chalk it up to fate. I realize it's not exactly the best plan, but right now, it's the one I'm going with. I'm still worried about money, but let's be real - I worry about money no matter what happens. That's just part of my personality. Some days it really seems like I'll never attain my goals, but somehow it always works out. I still haven't whether I need to keep the curtains.

Payday

Payday has come and it has me all stressed about finances. Several bills have come due and I can't save as much as I wanted/hoped/planed. It makes me wonder about whether I can actually afford to adopt. If I had a child, would I be worrying like this every month? Probably. Should I push it back another year?

It's disappointing to watch money go out and think, do I really need that? I switched to DSL from a cable modem because it's cheaper, but should I have just switched to a dial-up service? It would be even cheaper. I pay for hosting of my regular site... that's probably money I could save. What about selling my car and getting a cheaper one? How far do I go? Should I stop teaching and get a new job?

I bought curtains this weekend (50% off!) and they're still sitting in the bag. I can't decide if I need to take them back or put them up. On the one hand, they're thick curtains that will help with the winter heat bills. On the other, they cost $$ and I could order cheaper ones... that aren't as nice. It kinda sucks to be this worried about money.

Waiting another week...

I got an email from my agency.... apparently there is a slight hope that I might get a spot for 2007. They will know for sure within the next week or so. Do I hope for it? Do I even pay attention? It is such a slight hope that I'm not even sure it's worth thinking about.

I finished reading Parenting the Hurt Child and several books about attachment disorder. There's something to cure your ardor for adoption. I may start avoiding these books.

What Have I Done Lately?

Last week I drove up the CHI's office for an information meeting. The meeting didn't really tell me anything I didn't already know, but it was good to meet the staff. This is a huge life-altering thing and only knowing people by their email personality just doesn't cut it. It also reaffirmed my decision to go with this agency. My gut told me it was the one for me, and that's the only thing that makes sense at this point. I am still number three on the list. Next month (I'm hoping) my office will be awarded it's spots for this year. Usually they only get two. Which means I'm number one for next year - that pushed the completion of everything maybe the end of 2008... but with the Olympics being that year in Bejing, I'm think it would be more likely to be in 2009.

I go back and forth with this whole waiting idea. My practical side says "slow is better - fewer mistakes or pitfalls," but my unpractical side says "jump through what ever hoops and get it done now." Which is crazy and I know this. But the unpractical still drives me nuts.

Trying to distract myself with school work and crafting isn't working so great. Or at least, trying to get school work done isn't working. Who wants to do school in the summer anyways?

Ok, I've completed one task...

My passport has been renewed and should be in my hot little hand in early August. I wonder if they'll send my old one back? I'll miss all those little "badges" of far-flung traveling.

I also finished reading Waiting Child. It's very readable, but very novel like. Probably not the best choice for getting lots of information, but very positive while you're waiting... I also picked up 8 new books at the library today. I thought there was only two, but walked out with an armload! I don't know when I'll have time to read all these books and do everything else I should be doing!

Why is it that July always goes by so fast? I should be in the midst of a full on summer sloth and instead I'm running around like a crazy woman.

Tickers

I don't why I obsess about lists and countdowns, but I do. I was the kid who knew approximately how long it was until Christmas and always know how many days of school are left (it helps that it's printed in the school bullentin every day). So I've added count down widgets to this blog.

Really, the blog is for me. I haven't announced it to anyone... I just feel this need to shout out into the ethosphere of the internet. I think it keeps me from shouting to everyone I know and would drive completely crazy. The thing is that right now, I have more than a two year wait before "Gotcha! Day." A year on the waiting list and several months for gathering of documents and homestudy appointments AND at least a year of waiting for everything to process in China. Of course, there is the very real possibility that China will close it's doors to adoptions, create new rules which will make me ineligiable to adopt or I get hit by bus. A lot can happen before 2009.

There are shorter options, but I've slowly ruled them out. I'm comfortable with the wait... and I'm comfortable that with the fact that when I won't be comfortable with it, things will probably be gathering steam. Right now, I'm number three on the waiting list. It's expected that there will be only two openings in the coming year... it's possible that that I could move up before then. If so, everything will be a little crunchy, but I guess it's a good trade off.

The best thing for me to do is make myself as ready as I can be. I always told people that there's no way to completely prepared for a child... you just can't do it. But I can work on making sure that I'm in the best financial and physical situation to welcome a baby into my life.

Application Mailed!

After several months of hard thinking, I decided to take the plunge!

I've always wanted to be a mom. I always expected that one day I would find Mr. Right, get married and procede on to having children... perhaps 8. Somehow, my life didn't turn out like that. I never found Mr. Right who wanted to have 8 children or take off on a road trip on a moments notice. I'd like to think that I was so busy gathering stories to tell my grandchildren, that I forgot to carve out time to have the children who would have those grandchildren. As those around me kept getting married and having children, I would think that "one day it will be me..." except it never was. For the last few years, I didn't want to think about because it made me sad. I started to realize that it may never happen me and at the age of 37, time started running out.

It occured to me that I could adopt a child. It was kinda weird - like I woke up one morning thinking "hey! here's what I can do!" because it never occurred to me before. Maybe I was just grasping at straws. Maybe, I just don't know any more... after months of thinking and reading, I just can't think any more. Or at least, I just can't gather information any more. I've read, and re-read.

I chose an agency with a waiting list. For singles, it's either that or a lottery or special needs. Right now, the waiting list isn't long, but the number of spots isn't that long either... The best guestimate I could get is 2 years. So let the countdown begin!