China Adoption Forecast

has been updated. For those following along, it updated my predicted referral date to March 22, 2012. That adds another year to my waiting... or just another nail in the coffin of that dream.

I'm not going to pull my dossier, but right now, I'm not planning on updating it either. Seriously, I don't see the point in throwing good money after bad. In fact, it makes me more than slightly angry that I've spent the money I already have on something that apparently isn't going to happen. I realize I'm only 7 months into this, but realistically, I've already been waiting years. Waiting for this dream I've had since I was 4 years old... and I'm not willing to wait any longer.

It's time to move on.

I dunno if I'm going to counts months each month or just add them up for each event. At times I wonder if it even matters any more... in reading posts on various boards and groups, I can see people splitting into a few of groups: those who are just disconnected, those who are moving to SN and those who just don't know what to do. I guess you could put me in the group of disconnected... although am I really? I did still create the image for this post. A few days late, but done none the less.

I finished one fundraiser at school and am working on another. Tis the season, I guess. And since it's the first of Nov. I did listen to Christmas music today. I'm nearly finished with a scarf for my brother, I finished most of the pom bags for the team (ran out of cording) and purchased the supplies for a few more presents. A friend found out she's having a girl, my cousin is getting married and having a baby in May and two more students announced their pregnancies, so I guess those are more things to make to waste time...

Didja ever...

have one of those days where you just wanted to run away?

I'm beginning to think that I really made a mistake in taking on the dance coaching job - it's so frustrating and seemingly endless. Today another two girls quit. One of them was a captain. In talking with her, she didn't think she was respected enough and didn't like choreographing all the time. I thought she was respected, but in her mind, apparently not. I also think that other quitter had something to do with these complaints, but it's bygones now.

I believe of the original 18 from last spring's try-outs that leaves 5? We picked up another 5, this fall.. but still... feel like I want to quit. I'm definitely over this at the end of the year. And never again, I can tell you that.

Still Here and still waiting...

I got a letter from the foster lisence-or. My fingerprints were rejected again. I need to find a new fingerprint person, because apparently the local one is not good. That certainly explains our crime rate and lack of enforcement... just what I want to rush around doing for a third time.

In the meantime, can I tell you how many people I know who are currently pregnant? I beginning to be afraid of opening text messages from friends, because I know another baby present will in the future. Frustrating isn't it? I'm happy for them, but horribly jealous with no outlet for it.

I may be crazy...

I did something complete crazy last night - I dunno if it will work out in the final outcome, which is why I'm not really sure if I should say anything at all. At the same time, something has to keep my mind off of this CCAA waiting so why not go for it? Life was meant for risks - sometimes it turns out good, sometimes not. I'm beginning believe, however, that it's the risk that is most important.

A Bright Surprise!

It's been a really stressful month with work - tons of work and coaching. Last weekend, I spent the entire time in a coaches conference. It was really energizing, but the reality is not so much. Luckily, I have an awesome assistant coach. Among all this stress, however, a box arrived!

I got the note about the box after the post office closed, so I had to wait 'til the next day. Inside was an outfit from The Children's Place (a shop I like, but can't purchase anything because it doesn't conform to the "rule"), a panda bear figurine holding a ladybug and ladybug ball (there's actually a hard rubber ball as the main body part...) I had to test it at school, since I knew Keavy would attack it. All balls are her possessions.

I've already purchased my secret pal gift to send out - just have to get it to the post office. I have to say that shopping for someone else is a little more fun that shopping for me. I know someone is going to open it up and enjoy it now. I'm still wondering if everything I've already purchased will be hopelessly out of date by the time anything is received from China. I've already been thinking about shipping it all a cousin who just found out she's pregnant. I could get it all back before my referral is expected and she'd get good use out of it.

Six month LID anniversary - does it even mean anything? I'm beginning to wonder if I should start counting seasons or years instead. Or maybe I'm just feeling like Weeping Wilma today. Some days it's a tough row to hoe.

School has been busy, but coaching has taken a lot out of me. Although I knew it would take time out of my schedule, I just didn't expect it to be so stressful. Mostly because every time I'm feeling like we're getting somewhere, another shoe drops. Of the 18 who were on the team last spring, I've now got 8 left. 2 quit before the first practice, 2 moved over the summer, 2 quit for another sport, 1 had a hissy fit and hasn't spoken to anyone in over a month, another thought her time would be better spent doing homework since she wasn't getting front positioning (lack of talent or inability to attend practices, notwithstanding), one couldn't handle the stress and I can't even remember the last one. I added 5 more this week and one hasn't bothered to show up for practice yet.

The team is all I think about - I fall asleep trying to think of ways to pull the team together and wake up thinking about dance routines. I'm trying to be more organized, but I think the vote is still out on that one. To be brutally honest, if I'd know it was going to be this stressful, I would never have applied for the job.

It's hard to keep a happy face on knowing that I'm failing at this every day. It's like a slow death - sucking what little joy there is out of my life. When you add in the knowledge that I'll be spending yet another holiday season hanging one more "waiting" ornament on the tree - well, it just sucks. If anyone knows an antidote, please let me know.

Ok, something to post.

The Nursery - nearly done.

(sorry about the photo quality... really the crib isn't bent like that)

I got a lot done this summer.

The closet - it's actually the lenght of the wall with a small space between. I decided to put in a narrow set of shelves there for smaller things. It's a CD/DVD rack from Ikea. I painted it Melon to add a bit of color to the room - with all the lilac, it's a bit cool. The Melon gives it a bit of pizzaz. Below are close-ups of the shelves. The tippy-top holds a little bird house!

"Koral Fisk" Laundry basket

("fisk" is swedish for "fish" - guess where I bought this?)

The only thing that is really left is some shelving to put up in the closet... otherwise it's just blankets, toys, clothes and books. I've not really been buying anything lately because I just don't know what's going to happen. Should I just buy things to dust for the next four years? Will the foster licensor ever finish the background check and approve me? Will a child ever be placed with me? How old exactly? So, really I'm back to "if it's a fantastic bargin."
Speaking of which ->
$2!!! Solid wood, a bit dusty, but in fantastic shape.

Helloooo......

I feel kinda bad that I've got nothing to write lately - my job keeps me busy and it seems like I've always got 10 people to call before the day ends... but it all seems a tad boring to write about. The most exciting thing that happened this week is that I discovered I may have a problem in giving vocabulary tests because I've got tables in my room now, instead of desks. I don't know really, since I haven't actually graded said tests... but the possibility is there. Should I, instead just march everyone down to the student center and sit them two at a table? This isn't really an option for my largest class, since there aren't that many tables down there. And, is it feasible on a weekly basis?

For my first real day off in three weeks (no one to entertain, watch over or work stuff), I took the dog to the beach for a short walk and tried to look at some garage sales. Mostly they were junky and crowded. I did pick up a boggle game for 50 cents. Wooot!

Referrals

Up to Nov. 25 - for those keeping track, that's 4 whopping days.

Sometimes I feel that this blog has become so negative, that even I don't want to visit it... and I'm not sure how to make it more positive. It is hard to remember the positives while this never ending wait drags on... but here are some I thought of today!

My father finished insulating the attic. Hopefully, I'll be able to be warmer this winter and keep some of the eletrict bills within a lower range. Whenever my daughter gets here, I know she'll appreciate being warm and cozy during the long winter rains. My tomatoes are starting to ripen. I'm sure to have a bumper crop this year! Good thing I love tomatoes! Lastly, the breadmaker my grandmother gave me works like a charm and I now have fresh bread whenever I want it!

A Year Ago Today

A year ago today I got a phone call saying that a single's spot had open for me. A year ago today, I thought I would be rushing around trying to gather money for the trip. A year ago today, so many things were different...

This past week has been stupendously busy. Coaching and preparing the upcoming school year has made for some very long days. I'm worried that I've taken on too much and won't be able to handle having a baby... I know I can quit and with a long wait ahead of me for China I should just sit back and relax about it. However, there's that pesky foster/adoption application sitting on someone's desk. My fingerprints were rejected and I had to send new ones in last week. Since then I've been so ambivalent about the whole thing, I'm tempted to call it off.

Then again, there are no guarantees on anything. Would calling it off put me in a bad light? Will I just get into another long line? Why couldn't I just have been a high school slut and had a baby at 16?

Five months... I'm still officially on the slow boat the China. Sometimes it feels as though it should be many more months that just five, other times it doesn't feel like a lot of time has passed. I do have to say that I'm getting more comfortable with the wait, like I'm settling in.

Of course, it could also be that I just have a lot going right now and no time to really ponder the wait. I'm back to school today for teacher development. I've been working non-stop since returning home from my summer travels... insulated the attic, getting ready for school and getting the Dance team ready for our first performance. It's a bit like being the rabbit from Alice in Wonderland!

Back from Vacation

I'm back from vacation - I turned another year older, lost my wallet for a few hours and discovered that I had a water leak while I was gone. Mostly, it was a good trip with stressful interludes. Two family reunions and I got some new genealogy information. I may dive back in to it while I'm waiting.

On the day I left, I got my first secret pal gift. It was a really great gift, but brought up some feelings I wasn't expecting. I just looked at it and thought "gosh... I probably won't be reading this books to a daughter from China... I won't be flying to China to get her...." I don't think I realized how much I had gotten into adopting from China, but at the same time, I'm pretty sure I don't want to wait until 2011.

Today I call the foster lisencesor to make an appointment for the homestudy. Hopefully, I can get my house into shape before she shows up... it's in vacation disaster mode.

I should take more photos...

Most of the nursery is set up. This weekend I did some more garage sale-ing and ended up buying more clothing for a cousin than myself. At this point, I really don't know what to purchase... and while I love shopping, I just can't resign myself to purchasing things I won't use. I did find a sale with all sorts of extras - I'm now set with hooded towels and washclothes, and actually have some toys. I still need to install shelving, but I need to stop purchasing baskets to hold things. I think nine is plenty!

On waiting game, well... nothing is happening. I know that all of my references haven't been sent in at this point and I'm heading out on vacation on Saturday. I was told not to call until after then anyways. Plus, I could really use the extra time. It's funny how priorities change when the possible turns towards the probably imminent.

I've started planning for the upcoming school year. Practices for Dance Team will start when I get back from vacation. Hopefully, I'll be able to set the schedule for Honour Society then as well. I'm giving up the Department Head job - if someone will take it... It's only 2 meetings a month, but it's something I can give up without much fuss. I'd like to dump Honour Society, an unpaid, thankless job, but I doubt anyone will pick it up. Plus, I'm going to leadership camp for it in two weeks. It makes feel very guilty to do that and then drop the job.

Either way, life is just moving along. Tomorrow is my 38th birthday. It's hard to believe that 20 years ago, I thought my life was just starting. Now, it's starting again.

Oh, yeah. My siatica (?) issue is much better. I can actually get out of bed in less than 60 seconds... practically a record.

Four

Four months down, 32 to go? Rumors are floating about referrals for the coming month. I wonder how many days there really will be in this batch? One week's worth? Two?

This day also brings a thought that not many of us want to think about... what happens if...? At some point in time, I injured myself. Perhaps my siatica nerve? Pulled butt muscle? It went away last Sunday thanks to my uncle's couch. However, not knowing what caused it, I immediately reinjured it. For the past few days I've been limping around wondering what the heck to do. I've tried sleeping on the floor, taking massive amounts of drugs... nothing works. In fact, I think it's getting worse. I'm afraid to lay down. When I do, it's takes about 10 minutes to go from the bed to the bathroom, crying most of the way. Every movement of my right leg causes pain to run through my entire body. However, once I'm in the vertical position I get progressively better. Unfortunately, the process starts again the minute I go to bed (note, not actually sleeping since I move while sleeping and every movement wakes me because of the pain).

It started me thinking. What would I do if I had a baby to care for? Never sleep? Try to sleep in one of the camp chairs (the only one I can sit in for more than 10 minutes?). Who would I call in for help? Seriously, who would you call to say "I can't get out bed in the morning, can you help me get to the bathroom and feed the baby? I'll be fine once I've walked around the room three times."

References have been mailed

I received a couple of calls in the last two days to let me know that the reference requests were in the mail. Rather quick considering I just turned in the application at the end of last week and I was told that 10 other families were in line ahead of me. Does this mean I could have a little one for Christmas? Thanksgiving? Halloween? Do I even hope?

I'm working again on my 100 good wishes quilt. Since I'm doing a lot of hand sewing it, it's taking quite some time, but it's fun to do at night while watching TV. I have done some machine sewing as well, and I'm moving towards it more and more... if I want to get it done anytime this year. I also have another simpler one to get started and finished. The 2nd one is just two yards of flannel, back to back... extremely simple and no ironing.

If your thinking about making a quilt, the key to making everything turn out right is ironing. Every single seam or it won't fit right. To say that complicated patterns require a lot of ironing is an understatement and this is why serious quilters have a room with ironing board set up all the time.

Another Wait

I turned in the paperwork to become a foster parent. The intake person was very pleased that everything was completed and placed into one packet... almost like I've done this before.

After everything was checked off, I left. She "call me when you are back from vacation, if I haven't called you before" and that was it. My vacation is exactly one month away, so I guess I'm beginning another wait. At least this one will come with informational intervals (calls regarding the references) and it's only a month. Then it's off on another adventure.

I bought it!

I bought a crib. It's set up and sitting in the corner of the room. Waiting.

It's very strange how uncomfortable you can feel in the baby section of a store. I mean, it's not a present, I'm not pregnant... what the heck am I doing here? I imagine is a somewhat similar feeling as those who are waiting for a organ transplant. I am literally hoping for a catastrophic event to happen to a child so that he/she becomes available for adoption and can become my child. It's a bit twisted... I realize that nothing I've done will influence this event, but none the less it has to happen in order for me to obtain my dream. Of course, who wants to think like that??? It's a little disconcerting when shopping with a bunch of women who are obviously pregnant.

Next on the list is the car seat and booster seat. And hooded towels.... in going over the inventory of what I've already purchased, I have no towels or "light weight blankets." It must be because they're never on sale for under $2 or found in a garage sales.

Apparently, I haven't been shopping enough.

Yesterday, I attended a first aid/cpr class - needed for coaching and for foster-parenting. It ended early, so I headed over to Macy's to pick up a weeding gift (it still feels weird to say "Macy's" on this side of the country... it's always been a NYC thing to me). Apparently it's been quite some time since I shopped on a Saturday at the Mall, because I could not find a parking spot! It was like Christmas in July! And the place was packed - not fun. I had planned on hitting Ikea, since I was in the big city... but after that stop, I decided that it just wasn't worth it. If Macy's was a mad house, Ikea would be the third level of hell.

Why Ikea? I had orignally planned on purchaing a crib there. The Hensvik to be exact. I've looked at cribs at every other store and not been able to purchase any of them. I've looked online. Garage sales. Craig's List. You name it, I've been there. And haven't purchased anything. The anxiety this idea of purchasing a crib is quite interesting. I can't seem to commit to getting the box and heading to the checkout counter. It makes it all a little too real - and all my worries about finances and time come into play. More of will I have enough time questioning. I'm teaching (AP is a huge time suck)... but I can do the grading at home. I'm coaching... but I have lined up extra babysitters, an assistant coach and baby can come to practices. But I don't always do so well with extra stress and I'm not sure I can handle it. It's just this huge unknown that I can't fully prepare for... and that freaks me out the most.

Beginnings...

The beginnings of the nursery...

3 Down, 33 To Go?

Three months down. Hopefully only 33 to go.

I finished painting the nursery and repainting the vanity/changing table. Now on to working on the quilt.

The foster-to-adopt is still on hold. Right now, there is too much going on in my life and I can't make a good choice right now. I'm working on reducing my anxiety about this whole waiting deal and working on my finances - another source of anxiety.

Easy Paperwork

I'm nearly done with the state paperwork for Foster licensing - it's actually much easier than China's. No document certification or Fed Ex. However, I did have to get a shot. There are still a couple of things that I need to take care of, namely finishing the required courses. They will be finished by the end of the month.

Then, it's time to turn in the application. That may be the hardest part. It's like you're heading to Paris, having planned out the entire trip. You're excited about everything that is going happen - you've saved for it, you've researched it, you've seen photos and imagined yourself in them, everything revolved around this trip. Except when you got on the plane, they announced that the flight was going to at least three/four times longer than you thought. Someone announces several times that the flight to Denmark is much shorter, but that's not what you planned for. You think to yourself that you've put so time and effort into going to Paris and didn't want to go to Denmark. You also think that life is passing you by at a rapid rate and Denmark has just as many sights, museums and restaurants, do you really want to sit on the plane until you are literally middle-aged?

How do you decide to go with Plan C, when Plan B hasn't really failed?

It wasn't that bad...

I survived my first round of foster-to-adopt classes - it wasn't as nearly scary as I thought it would be. There were no actual tears, although there was some welling-up. The presenters kept saying "this portion of the course is really heavy, we don't mean it to be a downer, but we do want to present the range of situations..." but really, they had nothing new to say. I've heard it all almost all before (poop in heating ducts aside). Hopefully, by sticking with younger children (those not able to open the heating vents, I'll be ok.

The only part I had a "oh crap" reaction to was the "watch your pets" portion. As in, "your pet may be tortured to death" watch your pets. The thought that I may put my current baby in jepardy is more than a little scary.

Graduation

Last night was graduation for my students - kids that were at one time in my class, including my most memorable class. I'm going to miss seeing them around campus... I'm so excited for them, beginning their journey into the exciting adventure of life. A couple will just be around town, attending the local community college, but most will be like I was - eager to shed the small town for big city excitement.

Thursday, I attended the orientation class for Foster-Adopt with the state. It was surprisingly upbeat. I've heard a lot of stories about how people who want to adopt aren't treated to kindly, given the priority for reunification for SW... but this presenter had nary a negative word. It was also interesting that I'm pretty sure that all but 3 people were there to either foster-adopt or just adopt. Those three were kinship placements. Again, I was surprised by that, given the horror stories I heard. I actually felt a little more positive than I have in the last few months.

Today is the first full class. Again, I've heard that these classes are meant to scare people out of the program. I have to admit the pictures of abuse on Thursday were hard to watch - I hope I'll make it through the day without bursting into tears.

Negativity and Uncertainty

I think that everyone goes into the wait thinking that they can handle it, and why on earth are people complaining?!? Well, now I know. Two months in and I'm already a nut case. It doesn't mean that I'm withdrawing my application or stopping my plans. I'm not... I'm just venting my frustration, cause that's what I am. And to be honest, it's more about the things going on in my life, rather than the wait that are causing it... the wait is just easier to focus on than all the other things going on.

I'm a coach for a team involving teen agers. Since everything sports related is expensive (remember this future sports-star parents), a lot of fundraising is required. However, since I was hired so late, we didn't have a lot of time to fundraise, so we're pretty much tied to one event... one event that is rapidly falling apart and rebuilt again. Hopefully, it will go off successfully, but I'm really tired of teen agers. And I seriously wonder why I get myself into these things - it's stressful because kids are kids and responsibility/committment rank somewhere below homework. I spend a lot of time tracking people down and sending out reminder notes in hopes that something will get done.

In the meantime, I'm trying to keep up with my real job, complete college courses and write an extensive year-long syllabus for a class I'm teaching next year. Rumor Queen comes as a welcome distraction, even if it does stress me out.

One more week to go and then it's the slide into the summer.

Month Two

Another month down. Latest rumors say that June referrals will only go to Nov. 7th - these are very early rumors... no one really expected anything this week, but there they are. This means that in the last three months only 14 days have been referred. Yah, I can't really think of anything to say about it... and I guess it doesn't really matter if I did, because I don't believe anymore. It could be worse, I know. To be honest, if my phone hadn't alerted me that it was my LIDaversary, I wouldn't even have remembered. It's just not part of my life anymore.

I wish I could be more positive, but it looks like this is the day for it... today I found out that the show my team has been planning as a fundraiser may be cancelled because a signficant number of participants have bailed. Nice of them to tell me a week before the show. I'm not sure how we'll keep going at this rate. It really pisses me off, because the students have worked so hard to make a go of this and through no fault of their own, it's crumbling apart. Perhaps it's my fault for trying to schedule it in June, but there was really no other options. And I get the joy of telling them tonight.

Where I am

Waiting for June referrals - every month I wait for the referral numbers to come out. I enjoy seeing the baby pictures, but mostly I count, and perform various mathematical calculations and wonder. In looking at my previous posts, my very first post lists what I thought was the timeline for me... two years. But is that what it will really be? Maybe. Maybe not. With this uncertainty, comes a sense of disbelief. Is this really going to happen? Again, the same answer.

I think that, in a way, I had to separate myself from this process. If the wait really is in three years or more, who can do that? There is a reason why pregnancy takes only 9 months... and I don't think that anyone was meant to really be focused on preparing for a child for that long. It doesn't mean that I'm calling my agency to drop out of the program. Mentally, it feels like I have though. Perhaps I've just entered into the acceptance phase completely.

I decided to sign up for a foster/adopt class. Then I realized the dates wouldn't work for me (all day in the midle of the week? who attends this? If foster parents aren't supposed to depend of foster payments for income, wouldn't that indicate that classes should be held during time when people with jobs could attend?), so I cancelled. There's another one a few towns away starting a week later, but I haven't signed up for it. I'm still fairly ambivalent with the process. Part of me thinks it could be the right thing... but another part of me has reservations about the needs of the children and whether I can meet them.

I've also flirted with the idea of attempting to get pregnant. However, I'm a bit over the hill, just as uncertain and could be very expensive. I did discover that there are actual places on the internet where people search or offer sperm donations. You really can find anything on the internet!

So, here I am. Waiting for the June referrals.

New Outfits!

Do you believe in Signs?

Everyone always talks about signs... "this happened, and it was sign," "I saw this picture and it was a sign that my baby was in China," and so on. I'm not really big on signs. Or rather, I'm not really good at interpreting signs. Or making decisions. Which is probably why I'm always wondering if if something is a sign in order to help me make a choice. A choice I'm afraid will be wrong.

Lately, I think I've been getting signs on a particular choice - moving to the foster-adopt route. First there was the phone call. Then there are the co-workers who are doing foster-adopt (giving me an inside scoop on all the horror stories... good sign or bad?). Finally, yesterday two collegues and I had quite the conversation about the number of babies being surrendered/removed from homes in the area and the despotic people gaining foster liscences. Again, is this a good sign or bad a one? Is it a sign at all? Am I just grasping at straws because one month into the wait I've gone crazy? Seriously, I'm obessed with the idea that there might actually be signs, but I'm too stupid-chicken-practical to take notice. Where is Sylvia Brown when I need here?

Referrals are Here!

And they went 6 days!

"The CCAA has finished the review of the adoption application documentsregistered with our office before March 31, 2006.The CCAA has finished the placement of children for the families whoseadoption application documents were registered with our office beforeNovember 1, 2005."

I guess this would mean that I'm about a year from the review room. In the meantime, it's amazing how excited people are about these 6 days. Although it's a small group, many had been mentally preparing themselves for for a one or two day batch (including myself). I just hope that people post their referrals. Last time, I believe I saw one referral and it had a very chilling effect. Everyone kept making excuses, saying Oct. 26-27 were huge days (still don't believe it), but almost no referrals were posted... it left me wondering exactly who got those babies? If they were huge days and the normal number of babies, you'd think at least 10 were online in some way.

One Month Anniversary

One month - 35 to go? Speculation seems futile at this time. It's a little like taking a trip on Amtrak. You know that eventually you'll arrive at your destination, but it's unlikely that it will be on the day you are scheduled to and may include other forms of transportation. Amtrak (like China) will do their darndest to get you to the destination, but there are a lot other things to factor in (like, all freight trains have higher priority) and they have to work around them. It's better to just pack your camera, several books, a favorite pillow and lots of snacks so you can enjoy the trip.

Personally, I love riding Amtrak when on vacation. It's a great way to see the country without having to put up crazy drivers, rest stop bathrooms and clogged highways. However, the comparison to adoption for China differs when I factor in the length of the increase in waiting time. Amtrak may always be late, but I'm not going age significantly everytime we go past a station. In the last 5 months, the wait has increased by shocking amounts. Or maybe it hasn't. Maybe I've been holding out false hope that it would level off at some point.

Actually I have come to dred referrals because they always bring news of a longer wait, rather than gaining any ground. There are rumors of referrals being sent out on Monday and all I'm wondering is whether or not this batch will put me into 2011. Because a baby has become unreal at this point. Three years from now, my life will have changed significantly and who can realistically plan for it? I could have a new job, a new career and new place to live. People in my life right now will no longer be here and they'll have been replaced by people I've never even met before. Who knows what the world will be like and if my home will be above the water (global warming and all that). Already I'm planning on having to renew my homestudent and immigration documents three times and there is talk of new adoption requirements coming into force. Those are things I know about it. The unknown is crossing a wide spectrum.

So what does that mean I do? To be honest, nothing. At least in regards to my paperwork. It's sitting on a shelf in China and it's easy enough to just let it sit. In the meantime, life goes on. The garden needs to be planted, work needs to be done and maybe I'll look into other options. Maybe I won't.

Day number... who knows?

Well, it appears that once again as referrals near the wait time has increased once again. At this point what can you say but "Oh well."?

Life goes on. Dance Team try-outs are tomorrow - I'm fairly sure that everyone will make it and that some girls are really, really bad. Still unsure about how to remedy that, but I have the summer to work it out. This weekend, my father helped me put in a new window in the master bedroom. There is light! We also installed a new bench on the deck making it child-safe and comfy. To help combat global warming and a large electricity bill, we put up a clothes line. It may not get much use being just south of the rainforest, but it's a start.

What's going on with you?

topsy-turvy

For the past few days, my agency discussion board has been going crazy. The paltry number of days in the last referral batch has really freaked people out. The "I'm-not-listening-to-"rumours"-about-a-long-wait" bubble has burst... and they're mad as heck! I'm sure it will pass.

In thinking about it, I realize that each batch of referrals brings a new blow to grief. Although many psychologists now refute the stages of grief, one can seem them abounding on groups and boards.

• Denial - the wait won't be more than 12, 18, 24 and now current estimates of 36 months
• Anger - why didn't my agency tell me I would be sitting around for the next 3 years?
• Bargaining - "all those with children should get out of line"; "all in God's time - and I just need to have more faith" and etc.
• Depression - sitting in an empty nursery wondering what to do...
• Acceptance - honestly, I haven't seen any posts on this. I don't know if by nature, adoptive parents are not able to accept anything until they have an actual child or if those who have accepted are just not stressing themselves by joining in conversation.

I have to say that I'm working towards acceptance of a 3 year wait. I just hope that next month doesn't bring another year of waiting.

What to do... what to do...

Lately, I've taken up multiple projects in order to keep myself busy and away from the computer. So far it's really honed my procrastination skills.

I gave in and decided to find something online that doesn't include the words adoption or baby and here it is -> Swelltown

Buy and sell celebrities like stocks - whoo hoo. I've never really been good at these kinds of things, I've decided to devote some effort into it for no other reason than I can watch the mailbox alerts while screwing with it. So far, Heidi Klum has made me two points!

As much as I am frustrated...

by the wait, I also realize that it's out of my control and it's probably a good thing. The current total of money spent on this adventure is over $9000, not including gas for the numerous trips to the big city for classes and meetings. That stretched my savings to almost nothing and I still have my regular life to pay for...

• like putting a window in my bedroom so if my kitchen/laundry room catches on fire I can actually escape without jumping through the flames;
• new tires for my car;
• the shockingly expensive 40,000 mile check on my car, which I now avoid driving so that I can put it off as long as possible, but will definitely be needed in June because of the trip required to the other side of the state.
• college courses required to keep my job
• dance team camp (which would probably be reimbursed, but takes forever)
• summer family trips (MOTG)
• last credit card to pay off

Added all up, it means I'm going to be a bit broke for awhile. And very slow in savings. Savings that I will need to pay new fees, airline tickets and the obligatory shopping, as well as staying home for a short time. Now, if I can just figure out how to keep my logical mind in the forefront.

955 Days

2 years, 7 months and 10 days is my predicted wait time. Since late January, that number has increased by a month... mostly due to the recent referral numbers. Then again, who really knows? Rumor has it that only 2, maybe 3 days have been matched. Add another month on... seriously, each month just brings more depressing news of how few matches were made. Is this a purposeful slow down? Is there some grand conspiracy? Are they really just out of babies?

Although it is depressing, what are my alternatives? Domestic adoption is fraught even more pitfalls and may contain a wait just as long. Switching to another country would be cost-prohibitive... so I sit and wait.

All in all, I need to get back to work. All this vacation time gives me too much temptation to sit around and ponder.

This morning I got up ready to tackle the yet unfinished group things still hanging on the to-do list... namely the Dance Team Rules, Expectations and Try-Out information packets. However, I thought I'd check the email first. There must be something wrong with gmail because I can't reach it. However, in my attempts to access it, I stumbled across my calendar with plainly highlighted Friday. Now, I was fairly sure it was Thursday, but in checking the computer clock, it also said "Friday". (completely forgetting that the two are connected... pre-coffee) So, I started a slight panic. Friday? What happened to Thursday? Did I miss it? I don't remember watching CSI last night... In fact, I'm pretty sure I watching Criminal Minds. Isn't that on Wednesday?

For the next three hours I was totally bummed that my spring break was nearly over and I had accomplished almost nothing (I did take the dog out for a few walks). Crap... all that grading still left to do on what is predicted to be an almost summer like weekend! I was still wondering what happened to Thursday. Finally, I checked the phone - it's Thursday. My computer is off, which means my calendar is off.

Relief. Still 4 more days of vacation. I wonder if I can make it another week?

Notice the Changes?

Yes! My LID date is 03.29.07!

Meanwhile in the internet-sphere, rumors of referals have produced the sounds of crickets chirping. The Rumor Queen is pretty much MIA... has this site lost it's reliability?

The other rumor (which has no reliability rating) is that this batch doesn't finish October. If it doesn't, it does not bode well for my wait. It could stretch to three years... which is not good. As much as I'm all for the "wait=more $ saved", three years may be a bit too long. Which brings me to the question, is that why the CCAA is stretching it out? I know that Oct./Nov. 05 are huge referral months, but I have to ask why exactly it takes so long to match a child. It would seem to be a rather simple process - and one that could be made a lot simpler if they really wanted to reduce the backlog. This whole idea of matching based on personality/birth date/zodiac sign seems a bit sketchy. Adoptive parents will find a connection some how, no matter what. I've seen people associate child's birthday with "the day we decided to adopt" (information not included in the dossier), so "it was meant to be". Please, pick a folder, slap a photo on it and put in the out box. Like we're going to say no.

Spring Break!

Can you hear the chorus swelling?

I'm on spring break, the weather is sun-shiny, I found a way to make more $$ (although I may go insane before the first check arrives), I'm planning on meeting up with another waiting mom on Monday - Monday will probably bring referrals and I'm next on the LID list! The week before me had a LID of 3/27, so I'm predicting a first week of April LID. Not exactly what I had hoped for, but well ahead of May 1st deadline.

This morning I went out garage sale-ing again. It's becoming a somewhat fun habit - although I could really use a shopping buddy. I've lived here for two and half years and still haven't found someone to hang out with. Or at least, one who isn't going to move. Bygones.
Anyhoo... I found someone selling toddler clothes for 10 cents apiece! They were all Gap, The Children's Store, etc. type clothes! They were all 3/4T, but as a friend said - at those prices, who cares! I bought everything that wasn't ugly or stained.

For the rest of the day, I'm gardening and have to hit the dollar store at some point for household supplies. Want to see the flowers? PhotoBlog!

Adding to the Library

The purchase of the weekend - one of my favorite characters!

Favorite Things

My newest favorite thing is the Google Homepage. It is 'da bomb! Not only can you place hundreds of little gadgets on the page, but you can also create multiple pages! It's a one-stop for all your computer organizing needs.

Currently, my gadgets include "Google Calendar" - which allows me to co-ordinate multiple calendars on one page. I also have both current email address listing messages for quick access; Google Reader, so I can see when all my favorite blogs are updated; the local weather (which is almost always raining... it never changes); News; Recipes; Gardening tips; daily quotes; the dictionary; my favorite web-cam and Sudoku. It also has two countdowns - one if for a referral (nearly 900 days) and one for the next referral batch. I am a little neurotic and I'm starting to wonder if they're making me even more neurotic, sitting and waiting for the day to tick down. Maybe I need to get a Pac-Man gadget to waste some more time.

Pessimist Vs. Optimist

As I am officially waiting now, I generally spend my lunch hour reading posts from various yahoo groups and RQ. You really have to read both to get a balanced view of what is going on. RQ is unquestionably pessimistic about the wait time. According to all of their predictions, I won't be heading for China within this decade, if ever. Heaven forbid that anyone post anything about the matching process speeding up, because within 30 seconds there will at least 20 replies pointing out the errors of that line of thinking.

On the opposite side are the yahoo groups. Every other post describes past speed ups and encourages everyone to be on their toes and trust the agency predictions on wait times. I'm not sure if anyone has ever attempted to post anything negative - I've not really seen one make it to the light of day.

Funny, isn't it? Here's what I think... I don't think anyone really knows. In fact, I question whether anyone in China really knows how long the wait will be. While it's fun to guess... that's all they are.

My agency just reported that those who were DTC in the beginning of Feb. have a LID of 20.3.07. I'm now "guessing" that I'll have a late April LID. Unless there's a speed up.

Changes

I received a letter from the local office of my agency this week. Basically, the head office decided to shut down the local office. Everyone I've had contact with has been "let go." Why? Well, the only reason that was mentioned was cost cutting. Apparently, this cost cutting measure also includes limiting contact, because no one else has so much as dropped an mass email to inform anyone as to what is going on. I'm somewhat put off by this... it's disconcerting. Part of the reason I chose this agency was due to personal contact that I had with the people in the local office. I knew their names and had phone numbers and email addresses. Now, I have nothing but blind email addresses. Well, that's not totally true - I have the yahoo group... but that's not enough. I've never spoken to any of these people. Wouldn't recognize them if I saw them on the street. I've become a file in drawer somewhere.

I guess I should consider myself lucky that the entire agency didn't just close up shop.

While this has been going on in the background, I got a call from an "Adoption Counselor" from Families for Kids. They are a group that recruits/supports foster and adoptive families for the local state child welfare agency. To get information sent to you, one has to give up contact information, which I did last summer. Yep, they are quick! Anyhoo, in the conversation, I was basically told that due to the current "meth crisis" there are infants they have to place. Since the state generally only offers foster/adoption for those under the age of 10, my guess is that this is a "hope for the best, prepare for the worst" situation. The SW places the baby in a "pre-adoptive" home, while working with the BM to get her up to care standards. In my state, they have over 2 years get their act together, plus all the relatives are given a chance as well. Obviously it's a crap shoot - who knows what could happen? There's almost no planning. You don't know when a baby could be placed with you, you don't know how long the baby will be with you or when/if it will be a permanent situation. How do you deal with that?

Getting Busy

I have a huge list of projects to work on while waiting - you may even think I'm a tad crazy, but not being busy makes me a little crazy.

The To-Do List

1. Have window installed in Master Bedroom - the current ones are too small for egress and let in only a little light. I need more light; it's like a cave!
2. Finish Professional Certificate. All teachers have to do this in my overburdening state. I won't get any more money for this, but I do get to keep my job. How happy am I?
3. Garden beds. My yard is all lawn and concrete. Last year I started making some beds, but they're fairly small and not really great for vegitable gardening. I also need to build a trellis for my raspberry bushes.
4. Paint, paint and paint some more! The other bedrooms need to be painted at some point and so does the living room. I just haven't can't decide on colors.
5. Refinish floors in bedrooms. The baby's room look like someone rollerbladed in it. I'm still trying to decide if I should just carpet over. I love wood floors, but they can get quite cold.
6. Build shelves in the closet. There's really no room for a dresser with all the other furniture in the baby's room, so I've decided to put in a closet organizer with shelving. It'll work much better, anyhow.
7. Re-do kitchen floor. Again, the choices are boundless. Do I go with wood? Tile? Vinyl Tile? Linolium? Either way, the current 1970's brown hexigon tiles have got to go!
8. Curtains. I will have lived in the house for nearly a year and still haven't put up curtains in the laundry room or kitchen. How lazy am i?
9. Get into shape. Or at least, prepare for the 12k race I signed up for in a month and a half.
10. Figure out some way to make more money. I need to put some positive energy out there and get some money coming in!

This is by no means the total list, but seriously, today's list is pretty long and it's almost noon!

DTC!

As of March 2, 2007, my documents were sent to China! I'm hoping that I'll have a LID date by the end of the month.

Now the really hard work starts. My bank accounts took a hit with all the fees (multiple mailing of things that really didn't need to be mailed multiple times if I had triple checked everything). Now it's time to build them back up. The question is where to cut and where to make smart purchases. So, I'm on a shopping moritorium, so to speak - really, addicts cannot go cold turkey - and an actual budget spreadsheet goes into to force.

While we're waiting...

I have a secret confession. You know all those baby name books in the bookstore? I've read them. All of them. For years, I've read them... even when I was way to young to have a baby, I read them. The fact that there were all these names with different meanings, just fascinated me. It also fascinated me that my own name was almost never in any of the books. It is now.... and was apparently quite popular around the time I was born. (in fact, I attended a large university with 3 others with the exact same name - first, middle and last!) I felt a bit betrayed by the news. It was fairly popular, yet no bicycle licence plate was ever made of it.

Now, I'm perusing them again. This time with more than just curiosity. Naming is a serious business. Too common or too unusual? Classical or staid? Unusual or wacky? Plus, I'm a teacher, so you know that almost every name makes me think of someone. I also have a last name that is the most common in the United States. So, do I got plain? Common? Really unusual?

I started a list to keep track of my choices.

Marjorie - family name. If it ended up a first name, the nickname would probably be "Jorie"
Lillian - family name... unfortunately, WAY too common nationally and locally
Annika - I just like it. Again, somewhat common
Emma - family name... internationally number one. US, Canada, all of Europe.
Evangeline - again a family name, but I'm sure it fits with the last name
Natalie - I like it, but way to locally common. I have four Natalies in classes.
Beatrice/Beatrix - I like it, but I'm not sure about how it sounds. It seems a tad old.
Nicola - my favorite English name. Every other girl in England was named this in the 70's
Hannelore - beautiful name, but Hannah is the name of every 3rd girl in the county.
Emmeline - see Emma
Gennica - I had a camper named this one summer during college. Everyone called her Gigi.
Moira - makes me think of smart girls.
Evelyn - It's coming back and it sounds classic.
Brylie - ok, I found it on babyname forum. It's kinda cute - I'm not sure cute is good. "Dr. Brylie" makes me think of that MadTV skit.
Éowyn - yes, it's from LOTR. But I still like it... does this mean I'm a weirdo? And if I chose this name, would the kid ever be able to use a keyboard?
Aoife - really popular in Ireland, I like the name but would anyone be able to pronounce it in the US? Would I doom my child to a life of constantly correcting and spelling her name?

Or should I go for a completely Chinese name? And will it sound even more stupid with my extremely common US last name?

One more mailing.

My documents did not to go China on Friday - I knew they wouldn't, but I'm still disappointed. I keep reading all these emails and blogs of others who's documents have gone and mine are still sitting on a desk somewhere. Hopefully, they will go next Friday. (yes, my agency "batches" the dossiers. I knew this from the beginning... it just didn't seem like that big of a deal 5 months ago).

It's a little weird to think that after all that work, I really have nothing to do. I'm so used to doing. But I'd better get used to it.

The final send off!

My docs came back from the consulate today (should have been yesterday... but that's another postal complaint). Everything was complied and sent off to my agency for the final look-see and then off to China! In celebration, I present the first toys!

Ok, one is a DVD... but really how many toys does a baby need? A good sized box is more than enough entertainment for hours! Of course, I had to check the clothing racks as well...

$4 and I found a little boy's outfit (also $4) for my cousin's new baby... it's cute in a loud, obnoxious way. I found the cutest outfit - so cute, I was more than willing to go beyond my limit. A green t-shirt with jeans. The jeans had tiny fogs embroidered on them! Alas, it was sized 6 to 9 months, and I refuse to splurge on something that probably won't ever fit. Sadly, there were none in a larger size. I also found a really cute pair of ladybug jeans, but I decided it would be just as easy for me to make them, as it would to pay the $10 for them.

Maybe I should copy the idea and sell them online... ?

The Weekend's Find

From the local public library - they're both library editions (read-will hold up with rought treatment). Guess how much I paid?

Still Waiting

Haunting the mailbox. Hitting the reload button on USPS.com. Still nothing.

Ah well. I'm keeping the positive vibes going and know it will all work out in the end.

Happy New Year!

More Shopping

Can you imagine what the closet will look like in 2 years?


This morning I drove to a church rumage sale - not much there, but I did pick up a book, some bibs and a new dictionary for my classroom. I then stopped off at Ross, but found nothing I couldn't live without. Bought some washcloths while picking up dog treats. Then I decided to stop off at the Salvation Army to see if they had a popcorn popper - why pay full retail when people are tossing them all the time thanks to the microwave?


I found these -

I also found a popcorn popper.

Success!

My documents were accepted this time at the Consulate! Yipee!

I also got the I-171H certified and mailed out to authorized today, so the document countdown begins again. Hopefully, two weeks from now I'll be reporting that I have all my documents completed and on their way to China!

Yowzah!

I got the package of papers back - I wasn't sure if they would be left at home or if they were at the post office, so I stopped at the house first. In the mail was this thin little envelop from USCIS. (FWIW, how creepy is it that they use a hand stamp for their return address? Like they ordered it from the Lillian Vernon catalog...) I opened it and it was just one sheet of paper. It said that my application was approved and had been sent off somewhere. Color me confused, but unconcerned. I had those papers to mail out!

Mail out papers - take extra care to try to limit any potential issues. Get back into car and look at paper from CIS. Still trying to figure out what it is.

Drive home. Park in driveway. Look again at paper. Think to self - if this is it, why is there no number desig... OMG!! It is! It is! It's the I-171H. In my hand! Call agency to confirm. They laugh and ask "what did you think it would like?" (Something that doesn't come in an envelop with a stamped curly letter return address...?) Leave message for tomorrow's people to call me with next instructions. Hang up.

Realize that I could have mailed all documents together, if I'd only waited another day. Then count my blessings and commence to smiling for the next 24 hours.

I am an idiot

You'd think after my almost disasterous experience with obtaining state certification, I would have learned my lesson about rushing and not reading the "book". Apparently, not. The documents I mailed out on the 30th are sitting in some post office waiting to be given back to me, hopefully on Monday. The Consulate refused them. Why? I'm not exactly sure - but I'm pretty sure it has to do with trying to get everything done in 5 minutes flat without triple checking. So, from me to you, Pinkly Lou, - triple check everything. Especially when trying to hurry. Luckily, I'm not expecting anything from CIS for another two weeks, so I'm still pretty much on schedule.





In the meantime, I felt like a little retail therapy was needed. You can only kick yourself so many times before it just gets too depressing - and with the rain... well, you get the emo picture. Still on the budget, I headed for the nearest and bestest dollar store. Say what you want, sometimes the dollar store is better than crack. The trick is finding the one that offers the really good stuff. My town has more than one dollar store, but only one that offers somewhat quality products and food items in the normal range.
I bought two blankies - the pink one is decorated with monkeys and the blue one is dogs (we'll be a dog-family). I also found a fleece outfit (very rare!) and purchased the first bottle. Now, I have been unsure about purchasing things like bottles from the dollar store. I don't know why, it just made me nervous. But then I figured that most of the bottles will get trashed anyways, I can save it for juice or something that isn't all that nutritionally important.

Then I brought it all home and laid it out on my "baby shrine". I know it sounds weird, but as I'm still working towards a precarious LID date, I haven't bought or done anything permanent. Nothing has been painted. No actual furniture has been purchased. Everything is under the $2 mark. So, I park it on top of a book shelf in the baby's room and display it. Later, I go in and look at the stuff and fantasize about where I'll put it, should I go on to purchase furniture and other items. Go ahead, call me an odd duck.

Off they go!

All of my documents, except the I-171H were sent off to the Chinese Embassy today. I barely made it to the post office before it closed (4.59pm!) - but they kept the truck waiting for me. One of the perks of going to a small town post office. After I get everything together, and all sealed, I realized that I had forgotten to put the money in the envelop. I'm really hoping that wasn't a sign. Luckily, the postal worker grabbed it and sliced it open. I threw the money order in and she taped it back together. Again, thank goodness for small towns! Now I'll be counting down the 10 days until it returns.

17 days left in waiting for the I-171H. I've heard through the grapevine that the state's USCIS office is backed up, but I've also heard that everything is still on schedule. Who knows really...? I have my doubts that anyone has a clear picture as to what is going on.

Let the drinking begin!

Yes, I know it's only Thursday, but tomorrow is out for drinking anywaysh (yes, it's the 2nd glass).

Amongst all the good news today...

• I'm a teacher, "advising" (read: doing everything!) a club putting on a semi-formal dance this Saturday. The student in charge of our large-feature decoration hasn't spokent to me in three days... no idea if we even have one. Back-up plan was not in school today.
• Person who was in charge of making sashes for royalty bailed today (note: dance is SATURDAY!) and has known this since Monday. Forgot to email me until today - once again, like the Klingon physiology, I already have a back up plan... just need approval because buying/selling anything in school requires huges amount of paperwork. Seriously, you think China is paperchaser? Try buying streamers for school dance.
• FYI - selling tickets to a dance requires that they be numbered by machine! because nothing else can be trusted. I really need to write all this shite down for next year. Who knew it was such a p.i.t.a?
• God, I hope the picture person shows up on time - so far, I've been less than impressed.
• Finals, tomorrow and Monday. Grades soon. Pile getting larger. Some idiot assigned a paper and a final in the last week of the semester. We won't mention any names, but she's currently getting drunk.
• No documents from the state. They were mailed yesterday, I live a short distance away. They should have been here today...
• Everyone (does this qualify as a rumor or fact?) has heard that CIS in the state is backed up. Current time frame is 3 months. Not good. It's been a week. When do I start calling Congress? What is an acceptable wait? Who's got a lot of money to donate to some Republican? Why is my family all Democrats?
• I'm beginning to feel like I won't make it. Perhaps it's the booze talking (PS, if you saw how many typos I was actually making... woo-hoo!), but I'm feeling like sinking into a huge funk.
• Only cookies in the house are for the dog. Bad sign.

USCIS

Yesterday was the dive from hell, but I got my I-600A application in and my fingerprints done! I'm hoping that in 28 days I'll have the I-171H.

In the meantime, I've sent the rest of the documents off to the state capital for certification. The state is pretty fast, so I'm expecting to have them back within a week. Then I'll send them off to San Francisco for authentication. When I get the I-171H, I'll get them done with a courier. I'm really hoping that I'll be able to be DTC by March 1st.

I've been reading about several people who are planning on contacting their Congressman or Senator to get the CIS working faster, but I'm not sure about that... I'm not sure it would work unless it was well after the normal turn around.

Hurry Up and Wait

I haven't been spending a lot of time online this week. Mostly because I always drift into China adoption groups, blogs, websites...etc. and they just depress me. I don't know why. I mean, I do... but...

It's the wait time. Everyone is always "talking" about it. Guessing, extrapoling data to predict the how long the wait will be for people. I know what my projected wait is. Heck, it's right at the top of page. Even so, to hear others talk about it just hits me harder. Weird isn't it? So for now, I'll just keep finding other things to do. Who knows? Maybe I'll even find a new hobby.

I'm still working feverishly to make the May 1st deadline, despite Mother Nature's apparent dislike for me - seriously, 4 wind storms, 2 snow storms and 3 ice storms? In a part of the country that is generally 50 degrees year round? I'm praying (really!) that next week will be storm free, so that I can drive to Yakima. Yes, I'm driving in the hopes that they will still take walk-ins. I've asked around and the only replies I received basically said "they sent a letter saying they don't to people who already had their fingerprints done." Basically, I have nothing to loose by going in. If they deny me, I drop the application at the central post office and they receive it the next day. Wish me luck.

jazzy title that doesn't include the word "waiting"

Still no sign of my homestudy... apparently, it wasn't going to done over the weekend. Bummer. The new possible finish date is the end of this week. Yes, another week of mentally counting days and adding up weeks.

Right now my biggest fear is that I won't get everything done in time. Every day I click off another day as a day less that I can wait for someone to push the paper through. I start picturing USCIS as the movie Office Space... they're just about to print out my immigration files, but the "damn printer" gets a paper jam. Everyone then procedes to beat it with baseball bats.

umm... yah. So, currently, it takes 4 to 6 weeks get the I-171H approval, after fingerprints are taken. The definitive word on whether or not WA state still takes walk-ins for fingerprints is not out there. The only people I've heard from about it are either looking for information or already had their fingerprints taken before the big "NO". So add on another two weeks for that. This puts me somewhere around the first week of March. Then everything has to certified. I'll be driving to the capital to get this done, hopefully in one day. Then it all has to sent to the Embassy in California. Normally, this is two weeks... but what happens if hundreds of these are coming in at once? Can I make it before April 1? Because even with everything done, it still needs to "presented", transmitted and translated in China... my God, why did I quit smoking?!

As part of my retail therapy, I bought some Winnie the Pooh bath supplies. They were on sale -under $2 each - and how old can soap get?

Retail Therapy

I'm beginning to wonder how many posts titles I can create with the word waiting in it...


Yesterday, I had to run into Target to buy a gift card for a baby shower. I also needed some new turtlenecks (on sale for $7!!) and since it's Christmas clearance I thought I'd stop in the baby section. Two pairs of cargo-type sweatpants - $2 each. Long sleeved shirt (only slightly trendy) - $3. The bowl sets were $1 each. The pants are 9 months, so they may be too small. However, at $2 a pop, it's worth the risk. It's always chilly here, so if they fit, they'll be worn. The shirt is 2T, so it will be used.

The baby shower was an odd experience for me. The mom-to-be recieved many very cool presents (hysterical!) and a wide variety... but I was a bit jealous. (especially this) She's going to have her baby in 5 weeks and I've still got years, potentially. And who even knows if I'll even make it to that point? Sometimes, I'm so anxious about the wait, and others I'm totally fine with it. Logically, it gives me more time to save up money and get ready... finish school, re-do things in the house, etc. It's very weird. I wasn't really prepared for anxiousness before I even make LID.

1. What did you do in 2006 that you'd never done before? The Rhodie Run - 12k fun run
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year? Yes and No. I did buy a house and am working to make it a palace, but I'm still not a regular exerciser.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth? no - next year is the year.
4. Did anyone close to you die? no, thank goodness
5. What countries did you visit? Canada... you may think "boring," but it's a hip place.
6. What would you like to have in 2007 that you lacked in 2006? Courage!
7. What date from 2006 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? Apparently, none. I can't remember a single date that stands out.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? I was nominated as teacher of the year - something I'm not sure I'll qualify for this year - but it was big ego boost.
9. What was your biggest failure? being organized at work. I feel so guilty for not being on top of things all the time.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury? carpal tunnel came back with a vengence, but 8 weeks of therapy helped tremendously. However, I think knitting is out for me.
11. What was the best thing you bought? my house!
12. Whose behavior merits celebration? a student who seemed to have actually done some maturing before he totally screwed up his life.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and upset? emmm... skip
14. Where did most of your money go? house, adoption and school
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? duh.
16. What song will always remind you of 2006? Dear Mr. President, by Pink
17. Compared to this time last year, are you: Happier or sadder? happier - I'm more settled and not looking around for something to ground me.
ii. thinner or fatter? sadly, fatter (if that's even possible)
iii. richer or poorer? surprisingly, richer. Even with all the expenses I've had, I've really been working on not wasting money on shopping or aimless road trips
18. What do you wish you'd done more of? hiking, writing
19. What do you wish you'd done less of? watching tv
20. How did you spend Christmas? at my father's house. it was pretty typical, but this year I had no expectations. No "perfect christmas" ideal.
22. Did you fall in love in 2006? no.
23. How many one-night stands? no, dammit
24. What was your favorite TV program? Heros
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? no. it takes up time I don't really have
26. What was the best book you read? A Million Little Pieces... I know it was exposed as a fraud, but the Barbar scene is still burned into my mind.
27. What was your greatest musical discovery? I really like 70's music.
28. What did you want and get? a house, power tools and a purpose
30. What was your favorite film of this year? hard to say... I'm not really into movies
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? a friend and I drove to see the seals on the Oregon coast. I fed them and they were sooooo cute! I turned 37
32.What's one thing that would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? making the decision to adopt a child and not really caring what everyone else thought!
33. How do you feel about your fashion sense for 2006? If I had any, I might have some feelings about it
34. What kept you sane? friends
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Hugh Jackman. mmmmm...
36. What political issue stirred you the most? the war and Darfur
37. Who did you miss? my best friends
38. Who was the best new person you met? saddest answer yet... no one.
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2006:
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: "Cause it's a bittersweet symphany" and "something's gotta give me butterflies, something's gotta make me feel alive"

Home Visit

Well, I finished scrubbing and banned the dog for half the day (damn dog hair!) - but everything went swimmingly. There was no checking under beds or in the fridge.... after all that moving of furniture. I'm hoping that the report will be finished by the end of the coming week, so I can file the immigration stuff. I've heard that it's running about 4 weeks for approvals in WA. :(

One of the questions I was asked was how I planned on dealing with the extended wait. I had to laugh... the only thing on my mind is getting everything done before April 1st. After that, I may be able to breathe again.

Reading between the lines

You know how some people over analyze comments that other people make, truly beliving that there exists some hidden message? That would be me today...

Wednesday's meeting with the SW went fairly good. It was a lot shorter than I thought it would be and it ended with us exchanging photos of our dogs. However, she also said "you don't have to do a super cleaning for the home visit, how you live is much better... but everyone cleans like crazy." Ok... so does that mean I should be cleaning like a crazy person, toothbrush at the ready? Or that she's tired of seeing houses that look there's an autoclave hidden somewhere.

And since I just got home wednesday afternoon with guests, who stayed for the rest of the day, I only have today and tomorrow morning. So, today I painted. And rearranged the furniture. Yup, I am completely crazy, but there are good reasons. First, I only have this week to do household fixer-uppers (school next week!) and the furniture is a tad old (the falling off back is less viewable against the wall).

Oh yes, I've had a pot off coffee and three biscotti today. Should I have food in the house? What does an empty fridge say?

Over the River and thru the woods...

While driving over the pass on Thursday, the SW finally called me! Thank goodness I'd driven over early to miss the weather. I can't imagine how I would have avoided all the wrecked cars, snow and talked on the phone (there are always wrecked cars if it snows on the passes - people turn to idiots at the first flake).

When I get back, I have the first meeting on wednesday at a coffee shop. Then Friday is the big home visit. I've already got a mental list of things to do... take down the bamboo shades (cords are a child danger); fire extinguisher already purchased; floor scrubbing and kickplate check (I know she won't check, but dog-hair "tumbleweeds" have a habit of hiding under there and blow at the most inopportune moments), can't forget the bathroom ceiling (bad lighting or mold spots?); what to do about the couch? buy cheap fleece blankets and staple to back!; I wish I could mow the lawn... it grows all winter, but it's never dry enough to mow; Breathe on a regular basis.

Happy Christmas to all!

Walking to China

Although I am crafty, I needed a good stress-reliever. Something to do besides hit "reload" on my mail program. I joined the group "Walk to China", combining exercise, stress-relief and yet another thing to create on the web. Mostly because I really don't have enough to do... ha!


CommunityWalk Map - Walking to China

Since I'm waiting...

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Another post about waiting

I might as well get used to it, I'm going to waiting a long time for pretty much everything.

Right now I'm waiting on pins and needles for the sw to call me to make an appointment for the home visit. Amongst the factors in this wait are the impending holiday, a storm that closed everything last week and others who are also trying to get all their paperwork done at the same time as me. Although, I have to say that I think I take priority.... I mean, no one wants a longer wait, but at least they have the option! I'm on a deadline here!

Was that ranty enough?

And... what is up with the official announcement of rule changes? I know that the rule changes are all out, but there are still some questions I have (because it's really all about me) - like, will the changes only be put into place after May 1 for those who's LID is pre-May 1? Referrals? DTC? What happens if I spend all my money and then find out that it's all be for naught? I do not have the money to do this twice (at least not if I ever want to retire before 75). I'm just going along with a wing and prayer, right now, and hoping for the best.

Monday Morning Quarterback

Did the other shoe drop?

In the day's announcement of new regulations - further explanation, I noticed this...

For single's dossiers, agencies may only submit 8% of the total they submit each month until 5/1/07. Agencies may not submit 8% of their total 2006 dossiers.

My first thought was... what exactly does that mean? Has my agency handed out single spots based on ALL of 2007 numbers? Does this mean that some might loose their spots? Will there be some sort of rush to be among the first ones to get documentation in? Yikes!

Then I found this website - estimate your referral date - based on estimated LID date. It predicts a referral date of Oct. 14, 2009. I'll be 40 years old. My grandmother will have probably passed. Do I really want to wait that long? Do I have any alternatives? Would I even be doing this if I did? A year was fine with me; 18 months, not a problem; but 3 years? Will China even keep going for 3 years?

A person makes a life changing decision. It's planned for, worried about, dreamed about. And then fate comes to smack that person upside the head - not hard, but enough to shake things up and get a little blurry.

Another Checkmark on the List

I mailed in all my HS paperwork this week. It's amazing how many people I called to say "I/the agency have/hasn't received anything... when did you?... oh! it's still on your 'out' pile/buried under the car seat? Could you mail that out today?" conversations I had. One person had to re-do the entire reference because it was lost... Sheesh! At least it's done and I was feeling pretty good about that until yesterday.

The announcement. No more singles after May 1, 2007. It wasn't really that shocking (rumors have been flying for ages). It was more like a head-but to the stomach. I just sat in my classroom dumbfounded. I couldn't talk to anyone, students not being the best choice for this and everyone else working or out sick. Seriously, I couldn't figure out what to do. Does it affect me? Probably not... will I be putting myself into debt to get it done by that deadline? probably. but then I have a good year and half to dig myself out and save up for everything else. I've kinda resolved myself to debt at the moment and am comfortable with it.

But... and that's where I get the tickle of worry. Is there something else coming out? Will fees dramatically increase? Will the agency suddenly find something wrong with my application, because they're being extra careful? Will INS suddenly become backlogged with all the applications and take months to process my application causing me to miss the deadline? Is this a sign from God? Right, I have to stick with Plan A and proceed as if nothing has changed. I'm off to get Santa pictures of my dog and get a tree.

For those who heard a resounding door slam, I'm so sorry. I don't think there is anything else I can say...

Paperwork

I'm almost done with the paperwork for the homestudy - just one last thing to get in the mail. It's amazing to me how many people have claimed to have mailed various things, only to find them buried somewhere weeks later. I dunno if it's a sign or what.

Lately, I've been going through a lot of questioning about this decision. Can I actually do this? Will I have enough money? Can I even afford the adoption costs... let alone the costs of raising a child? I am a huge money worried. When I was a child, money was a big issue - mostly because of mismanagement. Now, I worry about it constantly. How do I save money and buy tires? What about the expensive 40,000 mile check on the car?... what about tuition?

The truth is that I can do it, I just need to relax about it and take everything one step at a time. I won't be really rich, but that's just stuff.

First Homestudy Meeting

Wednesday was my first homestudy meeting; all about paperwork!

Yesterday I mailed out all the paperwork needed by others and plan on spending today gathering the paperwork I can. Luckily, the state capital is not that far way (by western standards), so I can do the walk in thing for a new birth certificate (can't use the old one!!!). Otherwise it's $40!!!!! to ship out a one piece of paper. This is what happens when you live in state where everyone votes that everybody but them should pay taxes... personal responsibility, Bah!