September Madness

For me, September is the month of madness. The rush to get ready for school, coupled with finishing last minute projects and preparing the house for the coming rainy season and getting used to a new schedule makes for lots of running around. No longer can I just wait for tomorrow morning to get milk - in fact, I may not even be able to make it to the store tomorrow!

It's been a pretty rainy September. On the few sunny days we've had, I've tried to take advantage and get the kids out of the house. Soon we will be trapped inside for months... the rain here is never ending during the winter months. This also means, however, that I haven't been able to mow the lawn. The whole sunny day, coinciding with nap times (where kids actually sleep!) thing has been a hard juggle. I'm seriously thinking about hiring a company to do it, because otherwise it will be a jungle by the time spring comes around.

I have somehow found the time to make a fall wreath for the door (photos later, maybe), purchased Lala's Halloween costume, keep up most of the paperwork for my job, take the kids to their sports classes and still cook meals! We've only dipped into the emergency stash of beef-a-roni three times! That's a record for me on the cooking front - last night I made mashed potatoes and baked tuna, with organic carrots from the farmer's market.

Things that have fallen by the wayside - this blog, moving photos from camera to computer and actually taking photos with a camera, (several phone, but it's a really crappy camera), finishing the bathroom, finishing painting everything else, keeping the toys organized, laundry, eating a healthy breakfast or lunch for me, etc. Eventually, it will fall back into place, I'm sure. Until then, I'll just be doing the morning search for clean socks and taking the cuddler to school without shoes. (ah... two year stubbornness... how soon you turn into three year old insanity)

Finally, I've heard that things are moving on the Adoption front, but nothing so far has been officially received to let me know what's going on. I really wasn't expecting anything until October anyhow, as the "adoption support" paperwork takes 6 to 8 weeks to process and was only sent the first week of October. Maybe someone is trying to push it through before the state implements more budget cuts.

Walk Like a Gymnast

Lala had her first gymnastics class this evening. She was pretty cautious at first, especially since I had to take the cuddler to the play area while she was in the class. Momma out of sight with new people is not usually cool. She handled it pretty well. By the end of the class she knew how to “walk like a gymnast”, do a “ta-da” and hang from the uneven bars.

By the time the first 15 minutes had passed she was skipping and jumping around. She’s probably the youngest in the class and this is the first solo class that she’s done, so there was a bit of corraling going on by the teachers. She jumped the queue several times to get to the forward roll station and uneven bars, and attempted to bypass the tunnel crawl every single time. She knows her mind.

She asked to go again tomorrow.

Busy/Growth Spurt

It’s been a little crazy around here – school started, we had family and guest visiting and it was a local holiday! It feels like them minute I get up in the morning, I’m running and by the time the kids are in bed, I just collapse. It’s probably a mixture of getting used to a new schedule, kids who are fully into the toddler-active years and a very busy work schedule.

I’m also having to add more runs to the grocery store to this schedule. The cuddler must be hitting another growth spurt because he is going through milk like crazy and eating all of his dinner, plus multiple snacks. I guess that will mean more clothes shopping too! The other day I spent a shocking amount at Costco to stock up before school started, and the cuddler has already decimated the raisin and craisin supply – I’m beginning to be scared for the teenage years. We may have to move to the country and get a cow.

School Starts

tomorrow! I expect that I will be posting little (or rather short posts) during this first month. Getting into a new schedule always takes a bit and this year I’ll be teaching a new (to me) class as well having a new principal, with lots of new directives. I’m already exhausted.

I finally met with my lawyer last week to finally go over the finalization. They are now saying finalization in November (but no new fingerprints… not sure I believe it). I’m just hoping that it will be done before 2011, as I had not planned on renewing my foster license.

Forgot to mention…

I have my ‘disclosure’ meeting (I’m sure I’ll learn tons… not) tomorrow. Additional paperwork has been completed – the adoption support paperwork is supposed to take around 6 weeks, which puts me in the middle of October, but they may speed it up in order complete the adoption sooner. Lord, I hope so… it’s been such a long journey.

Fall

School starts next week and I’m desperately attempting to get everything I planned to do this summer completed before Wednesday. It’s not going to happen, but I’m giving it a try. My new bathroom is nearly finished – the part where I pay someone to do work is done. My part, not so much. Still deciding on paint color and hopefully, my father will be installing a new light fixture after labor day. He’ll appreciate that more than removing the moss from the roof. (I found out this weekend, that moss does actually have an impact on your roof, Dad… it can negate your home insurance! Or even cause them to cancel the policy! Just sayin’)

At the end of August, I always start thinking about the Augusts of my childhood. We would head up to my grandmother’s house and a flurry of activity would begin. There would be hours of canning. Pots boiling on the stove, jars spread out on every surface and steam filling the house. I’m pretty sure that everyone who could found things that had to be done outside and took all day to do them. Canning is hot, sweaty and sticky work. Of course, I was pretty much relegated to watching from a safe distance – small children and boiling water do not mix well… but I always watched to see the peach vs. pear ratio. I did not like canned peaches, but I’d eat the pears three times a day! More pear jars, meant more pears over the winter. Even better was the year my grandmother flavored/colored them! Yellow food coloring was added to those with vanilla flavoring, green food coloring was added with sprigs of mint and red food coloring to those with cinnamon. They were sooooo good!

After the canning was finished (or following weekends), the sewing started. The dining room table was cleared and my mother started laying out the patterns and cutting. As they were completed, my grandmother started sewing and my aunt did the finishing. Dresses, pants and shirts got stacked up to be ironed before being packed for the ride home. To keep me occupied, I got the scraps of fabric to play with and sewing into little purses and blankets. Can you imagine giving a four/five year old a needle and thread to play with? And yet, I never sewed my hands together or swallowed the needle.

At our family reunion, I mentioned to my grandmother my plan to pick up a box of peaches on my way home to can. She laughed and said she was so glad not to have to do that anymore! Although, the first year she didn’t can, she worried for several weeks about not having enough food to get through the winter. Not seeing those shelves full of full jars made sparked a bit of anxiety. Old habits die hard, I guess.

Funny Emails

My regular email address is pretty plain. It’s my “professional” address, as well as one for relatives because it’s easy to remember. Unfortunately, it also means that I get a lot of wrong person emails. At one point I was getting private emails from a dentist, a credit card company and someone’s boss. How crazy is that?

Last year, I started getting emails from a dance school asking me to pay for my daughter’s registration. Ordinarily, I would have put that down to another wrong email… BUT, it mentioned Lala’s real name and I had been looking into dancing schools. Had I accidentally clicked a wrong button and registered? What was going on?  And why was Lala registered in a class for 6 year olds?

You guessed it. Someone with the exact same name as me has a 6 year old daughter with the same name as Lala. And then it hit me. I had named Lala with a very common first name and a very common surnames. (Honestly, I once found a mass produced birthday card with my father’s name printed on it – the fruit did not fall far from the tree). It is easy to spell and she will never have to correct anyone on the pronunciation or spelling, but she will probably have to write down every account or id number she will ever have because there will be hundreds of others. Sorry kid, but it’s a family name. Family is more important than numbers.

Why was I reminded of this? I got an email today asking me if I wanted to change Lala’s dress order size to the size she currently wears. The thoughts started running through my mind again. Did I order a dress and not remember it? Why did I order it a size larger? What the heck is a "’minky’?

And yes, it was the dancing school again. I just hope the dentist doesn’t start up again… he was such a spammer!

Camping

We survived our camping trip. Ok, it was more fun than that. And, although it seemed like a very long weekend, it wasn’t a very long experience. I think the thing that made it seem long was the fact that Lala and the cuddler cannot go to sleep in the same room or if I am in the room. It’s just way too distracting. Eventually, I had to put them in their car seats and sit on the ground out of sight and wait for them to finally crash at around 10pm. And they were up before 7am every morning.

On the plus side, there was not so much eating rocks, dirt and pine cones this year. The kids were also much more interested in the wildlife this year too. Lala announced “Mommy! A chipmunk” every time she heard one chattering in a tree. Sadly, she was not so good at actually spotting them. They are pretty quick. We also saw lots of cows – the camp ground is surrounded by open range land, so the drive can reveal a cow/calf around any corner – even a calf drinking from it’s mommy (lots of questions). Grasshoppers were also a bit hit. We don’t have them at home (too wet), so this was the first time the kids really got into watching them hop.

Every year we go on this camping trip and it’s becoming a touchstone for us. I remember the year when Lala wasn’t walking and she went into the lake for the first time. Last year, we again spent much of our time inside the eating hall because the cuddler was in his “I’ll eat anything” stage, and couldn’t be watched closely enough to keep him from poisoning himself. Yes, he’s that good. Still is.

This year, they played in the lake, went for long walks, played in the dirt and enjoyed looking for animals. Who knows what will happen next year? Will they be ready for s’mores? (I just realized that the cuddler will be three next year… now, I’m scared. Three is way worse than two.)

In adoption news, well, there is none. Today we have another meeting with the social worker who has a nebulous job description, so maybe I will get more info at that time?

End of the Summer

It’s the time of the year where I start to get a little antsy. August will soon be over and crush of school will be here momentarily. All of the projects I planned to do this summer that haven’t been completed are now competing with projects I need to get done before school starts… all the books to read, planning, shopping for supplies, etc.

Still have to:

• mow lawn – again
• paint the cuddler’s room; having much difficulty find an appropriate grass green
• paint kitchen
• organize kitchen/pantry; it seems like I am constantly fiddling around trying to figure out where to put stuff and ending up with piles and stacks everywhere.
• have a garage sale!

Lala loved her “princess cake”. It didn’t turn out as well as I wanted, but she was happy with it and it tasted very good. That would be the important part, right? She was also showered with gifts and money. How can you go wrong with that?

Birthday Post

Today I turned 41. I am officially middle aged.

I don’t feel middle aged though. In fact, I had a conversation with a friend today who will turn 41 next month – neither of us feels “old”. In fact, we both feel like we could easily be heading off to college as freshmen next week. Although my body feels old at times, my spirit still feels like it’s 19. I wonder if I will ever feel my age? When I’m 70, will I still be thinking that hiking up Strawberry Mountain is no big deal?

I do have to admit that I have started thinking about my health. Let’s face it, I will be 57 when the cuddler graduates from high school. Over 60 when he graduates from college and I want to enjoy it. Or at least, be able to walk up the bleachers to watch the graduation. In the vein, I’ve been trying to go to the Y on a regular basis to ride a bike, it’s the only thing I can do with my slowly healing feet. I should try lap swimming sometime, but I’m just to afraid I’ll run into one of my students while in a bathing suit. Remember how weird it was to see your teacher outside of school? Now imagine him/her in a bathing suit. Tres weird.

Meanwhile, there are only a few short weeks until school starts. In fact, this week I’ll heading back for a few hours to help out a colleague. I’ve been trying to get everything I wanted to accomplish this summer completed quickly… not everything is working out in my favor, but then again, maybe there is a reason for that? Yeah. When you get old, apparently you start to believe there is some unseen force controlling the reasons why contractors never call you back. My plan is to complete painting the cuddler’s room (or at least the top half of it) tomorrow and figure out how to organize the kitchen for the six millionth time.

Happy News!

The cuddler is legally free! We’re on the final steps!

Big Boy Bed

My baby is no longer a baby. It’s official.

Last night he spent his first night in his new big boy bed. I gathered all the needed components once the mattress arrived and put it together myself, put the new sheets on and went to pick up the kids from daycare. They came home and both immediately tried to jump on it. Sadly, it doesn’t have a box spring like Lala’s bed, so it wasn’t very bouncy. Part of the plan, tricky mommy… the cuddler would have definitely attempted to break his neck several times if he could jump on it.

After he was asleep, I went to check on him… you know, to make sure he actually was in the bed and not sleeping on the floor next to the door waiting for me to rescue him from having to go to bed… and at first I couldn’t find him! Finally, I spied him asleep at the very end, sleeping horizontally. He took up maybe an eighth of the space. He looked so big in the crib and now he’s back to looking like a little guy. I’m sure he’s just a blink away from having feet hanging over the end.

Summer Time

Summer has finally arrived. It's finally warmed up to normal temperatures... I know most of the country is wilting in 100+degree heat, but we didn't get above 70 until mid July.

We spent a week at my parents house, and the kids learned all about heat. It was very HOT! But they also thoroughly enjoyed themselves. They wadded in the crick for the first time (cold! but welcome in the heat) and would have spent all weekend in the children's art area in the park if they could have. Plus Grandma made yummy blackberry-lemonade. They guzzled it down like nothing I've seen before. Make one cup and less than a minute later, they'd be asking for another!

Last week, I attended a conference all week long (long days!), so my brother came down to take the kids to daycare and watch them until I got home. Although he was a good enough sport not to mention anything, apparently they gave him quite a run for his money when he was trying to drop them off in the mornings. At one point, Lala refused to get out of car and one of the workers came out to ask if he needed help. As typical for him, he just calmly replied, "no thanks. She'll get out eventually." He is amazingly calm.

With all the upheaval, the kids have been a little out of sorts. Or at least the cuddler has. Actually, I haven't decided if his behavior changes are due to the lack of routine or if he's just fully into his twos. He's become incredibly independent to the tantrum throwing extreme if anyone tries to interfere. He's also learned how to crawl out of his crib, so he's no longer napping. I can't keep him down. This morning at about 3am, I was awaked to "Hi Mommy!" next to my head. And I though this getting up the middle of the night stuff was over when he turned one.

Alternate Uses

Today, the cuddler had his two year check up. He is such a big boy now! It was also the first real visit with our family physician, since he’s on track for adoption. We talked about his development, etc. and she said he is right on track and not worried about fetal drug exposure. Down the road that could change, but for now he’s good to go.  The doctor also good look into his thought processes and indicated no issues with THAT, oh boy! He is one smart little cookie, exploring the world.

While all the conversing/observing was going, the cuddler was all over the place. Lots to explore in a doctors office! Drawers to open, little stools on wheels… and lights to switch on and off. Our family physician is a “family doctor” and the exam rooms are set up for all sorts exams. Including lady exams. The cuddler quickly discovered the little light doctors use to get a good look-see up thar and the switch to turn it off an on. He spent a good three minutes fully entertained by flipping the switch and seeing the light go on and then turning it off. Entertainment at it’s highest for two year old! Who knew that thing would come in so handy at wellness check for a two year boy? Probably not the manufacturer, but think of the untapped market!

Well, what do you say?

This morning my phone rang around 8.30am. I thought it was my mother calling to let me know that she was leaving for the drive here, but the caller-ID showed a strange local number. It was the cuddler’s BM. She was calling to ask if her cell phone had been placed in the cuddler’s sack and brought to me after his last visit.

After reading about the BM experiences of others, I’m always a bit leery of contact. What if I say the wrong thing? Reveal something I shouldn’t… etc. It’s a difficult place to stand, but I guess it’s something I have to do for the cuddler. We both live in the same small town/rural area. As I mentioned before, it would be very simple to find out any information she wanted to know about me – we have acquaintances in common – and she probably does have a lot of information about me already.

Once I ascertained that I didn’t have her cell phone, she asked me if I was going to adopt her son. Since that’s been the plan all along, I was a little confused as to why she was asking, but I guess in her position perhaps she feels like she may not have gotten the full truth. We also talked about the open adoption agreement and hopefully she will sign off on everything next week.

We talked a lot about the cuddler and I got some information about his biological father. Apparently, the cuddler’s advanced sports skills are genetic, descended from a high school sports star who was pretty much great at every sport. My parents will happy to know that he’ll probably be a natural fisherman once he’s old enough to be safe around fish hooks. (I won’t be taking him as my own abiding fear of fishhooks and boat propellers will probably push me over the OCD edge. Yes, I’m terrified of boat propellers.) I probably should have asked about hereditary medical conditions, but I guess they’ll be time enough to ask later.

It’s hard to define how this relationship will work. I wonder if it will ever be comfortable or morph into something completely unknown. Right now, it’s just odd.

Want to freak out?

Estimate how much money you will need to send your kid to college here.  Apparently to send my two kids to college I will approximately $175,000 for an in-state, state university.

And I though day care was expensive.

Walk Away

must do something productive! must stop the obsession over all these wires stuck to me… who would have thought that 24 hours with a holter monitor would drive me nuts? I, seriously, believe I am having an allergic reaction to the sticky glue on these things holding the wires to my chest. 20 minutes left and not a moment too soon!

Confession

This morning I had to finally admit to myself… I am not a good cook. I’m not quite down to ranking with the worst cooks in America, but there are definitely days I feel close.

Case in point, I cannot produce a competent pancake. You would think that this a rather simplistic item… but mine are always bland or burned. My casseroles are bland. My breads are heavy and doughy. I cannot make good mashed potatoes. Mashed potatoes! How does that even happen? It’s just potatoes!

The only things I can really do well are baked chicken (put chicken in pan. bake.) and gravy. I do make a good gravy, but that’s really it.

In addition the my June habit of clutter-busting, I’m going to start cooking stuff. Yup, that’s my plan. Cook stuff. Hopefully, the kids won’t starve. Lately there’s been a few dinners where the only thing eaten were Kix and canned green beans. Suggestions to try out?

I’m starting out in one of my favorite cookbooks. “Stories and Recipes of the Great Depression of the 1930’s” by Janet Van Amber Paske. There are several volumes, but the first one remains my favorite. Some the recipes aren’t ones I’ll be using any time like a boiled hog’s head or Wisconsin Gravy (which I can make!), or fried Squirrels. But others are pretty frugal and tasty.

Tonight we’re having Turkey Loaf. I’ll let you know how it turns out.

To Do List @ Home

• Clean kids rooms – clear out the cuddler’s rooms in preparation for painting
• Clear out bathroom in prep for re-do (YIPEEE!)
• Mop
• Clutter piles
• laundry
• organize book shelves
• hang out deck lights

Single Mom Nightmare

When you’re a single mom, the single most thing that is the most important is having a support system.  Although I have I one, I never really put it into action. Never had the reason to…

Last night I went out with some work colleagues. In the middle of listening to a story being told by a friend, I sudden started feeling really ill; dizzy, hot, sweaty and all kinds of weird. I tried to go outside for some fresh air and collapsed. Couldn’t get back up. Paramedics called, etc. After drinking what I’m sure will be a $2000 glass of water it was decided that for some strange reason my blood pressure dropped. To point where no one could get a pulse. I’m sure if I hadn’t been actually talking people would have really freaked out. But I was talking and thinking about how embarrassing this was… I’m sure that many people thought I’d been, umm… over-served. I hadn’t, but someone collapses at a bar, what would you think?

Meanwhile, a friend was gathering my belongings and another was paying my bill. A third was heading to my house to ask the babysitter to stay late or take over herself until I was declared OK. The friend who gathered my belongings stayed with me in the hospital for three hours while I was poked, prodded and poked again. (Apparently, when you have really low blood pressure, your veins are nearly inaccessible). Her husband collected us at 2am and drove me back to my car. I, literally, worried about nothing because I knew they had all taken care of it.  These weren’t people on my so called “support system”, but they stepped up like an well oiled machine. I can’t even think of how to express my gratitude.

I guess I’ll never be moving again. No matter how much it rains.

*Still no idea why my blood pressure suddenly dropped. It’s always pretty low, so it’s not like I was totally shocked, I’ve just never collapsed in public on the floor before. After finding my heart beat and 15 attempted blood draws I was officially declared weird and told to follow up with my Dr.*

Whirlwind

I don't know why this year seems to be getting away from me... but it totally is. Yesterday I realized that I had not even started the order for next year's supplies! And I'm going to have to bag elections for the club I'm advisor for - I just don't have time for it and no one else seems to really care at this point.

 

Yesterday was the basically the last day for the seniors and I'm already bummed. It's sad to think that these kids I've watched growing up for the past four years will gone and for most, I'll never see again. I can't remember if I was this sad last year? I think I was more consumed with other things and just relieved that the end was near.

 

One more week to go and then I'm free to pee when I want, read when I want, go to the gym (stop laughing - I'm going to get a trainer. maybe.), build a new curriculum. again. If only the sun would shine for more than a day.

Summer Fun

With only a few more days until summer, I'm already gone in my mind... Grading? what is that anyways?

Just a quick list of things I've already started planning:

• Story Time @ the library
• swimming
• gardening
• making play dough
• visit poppa
• ride a merry-go-round
• wash the car
• go to the beach
• water park
• 4th of July Party
• make bubbles
• sun prints
• finger painting
• sidewalk chalk
• sprinkler
• county fair
• famers market
• camping
• dig for dinosaurs
• birthday parties!!
• pick strawberries
• hiking
• play dates
• mini golf
• outside movies
• play with Uncle James
• Fun with cousins

It's quite a list! and doesn't include all the things currently on MY list. But we are going to attempt to get all of them done and have a rollicking good time. Now if only the weather would cooperate. It looks nice out there, but it's barely sixty with a strong cold sea breeze. Plus it keeps raining every other hour... not the best summer preview.

6 Month Visit

In Lala’s adoption agreement, she is to have two visits a year with her BM. Which should take place sometime this month… so far, no one has contacted me to set this up.

Realistically, the adoption agreement isn’t in place yet as the adoption has not actually taken place. Lala’s file is still sitting somewhere on some desk. Her CW has moved to a new job and I’m not really sure who is responsible at this point, but I thought I’d wait until the end of the month before I start making noises.

I have to ask myself, has BM moved on as well? Is she unable to contact anyone? Did she loose my mailing address? Does she not want to see Lala? Part of me feels relief and part of me feels really, really sad. What is the appropriate reaction?

Playing Catch-Up

 

  For the past two weeks it’s been warm and sunny… which means we’ve been soaking up as much sunshine as we can! You never know when it’s going to start raining again. Case in point, I had to rush home after work to batten down the hatches because of a wind storm coming in… gale force winds possibly. A couple of years ago, we had a heck of storm and were off of work for a week due to power outages. Luckily, the power outages were not at my home, but still affecting enough to keep me on a mini-vacation. Here’s to hoping…

We’re now into bedtime issues. Lala will not stay in bed for love or money. Every night, it’s the same thing and it’s driving me crazy. FWIW, Super*Nanny does not work… for Lala, it’s attention and any attention is good attention. The cuddler should be moving soon to a regular bed, but I’m nervous about putting him in to a bed from which he can crawl out. To non-go-to-bedders at once will drive me nuts.

Lala has also almost totally regressed on potty training. We’re going to go back to candy’s for treats. So far, the offer has only resulted in wet pants. She did so well, until the daycare started taking her to the toilet at school. She was not cool with that at all. All of a sudden she started saying things like “I tried”, which I never did with her. I just took the path of ‘do it if you want’ and rewarded the good. Hopefully, we can get back on track soon, because I’m tired of diapers.

Meanwhile, work is a whirlwind. Stress, stress, stress. Meeting, meeting, meeting. ick.

Man, I can’t wait until summer.

Happy Mother's Day!

Especially to those who are celebrating for the first time!

I hope it is a wonderful day for everyone!

Photos!

Sorry, none of the kidlets yet. Lala's file has FINALLY made to an adoption worker and the cuddler's caseworker is making noises like his will soon be moving too! We may be having a double adoption party!

These photos are of what is going on around here:

Stawberries blooming

garden planted

peas sprouting

laundry hangin the sun

Wild Roses blooming... they smell soooooo goood!

Rhody starting to bloom

There are few things left to do - get the cherry tomato plant in a pot, get some flowers in, finish the front garden (which is currently dead boring), and, of course, battle more weeds. At some point in time, a previous owner/tenant planted morning glories. They have now infested the entire yard and are impossible to get rid of... NEVER plant these things. I've seen more blackberries bushes trying to come up and the dandelions are always trying to take over the yard. I need to find some child/pet safe weed killer.

Oh yes, in my continuing saga of bodily functions... Lala has made a step backwards and refuses to "pee-pee" at school. At all, some days. I have no idea how to combat that. The cuddler had decided that now is the time for him to start potty training. Two at once... fun! Last night he walked into the bathroom and told me "I have to pee-pee". I played along, thinking it was his usual game of monkey-see, monkey-do. Instead he shocked me by sitting down and pee-ing in the potty. It's not a daily occurrance, but he's getting there.

Cute Moment #562

Hearing a two year old singing "all dah single ladies... Ohhhh, oh"
while driving down the highway.

Still haven't figured out where she heard the song... We're more the
Elmo song kind of people.

Sooooooo Cute!

Things around here are humming along. Not perfectly, but healthy meals are served, clean clothes are worn by reasonably clean children. It could stop raining for more than two minutes and I could use another two hours in the day... but otherwise, whatevs.

The cuddler is so cute. OMG! Even his temper-tantrums are too cute for words. Also, mostly silent for a change. He simply falls to the floor and lays there face down, refusing to move. Then I pick him and carry him to where he needs to be. Yah, he's having a bit of trouble with transitions. Doesn't want to go to daycare, but once there, does not want to go home.

Lala finally (!!!) has enough hair for little pig-tails. I'm in love with pig-tails and she is so cute with them. I wish I could post photos, but with the face blacked out, the hair isn't so cute. Just take my word for it.

Nothing new on the adoption front. Right now, I'm going with the "no news is good news" theory and hoping for the best.

Can't Say It Any Better

Than what she's said.

Cleaning Schedule

Oh... I am so not on a schedule.

I think I have achieved "slug-hood"... I blame it on the Easter/Potty-training candy that hung around until I finally threw it away. After I ate all the good stuff, of course. Any weight I had lost previously jumped back on and I still feel like I'm coming out of a sugar coma. I'm not really (it is amazing how much sugar my body can actually process...), but it feels like it.

I need to find an organizational plan and stick to it! Or just some way to get organized, so I don't always feel two-steps behind. Or not fall asleep at 9pm... which ever comes first. Maybe if I just keep turning over a new leaf to become the next Martha Stewart, eventually it will become a habit.

That's what I want for my kids, you know. A Martha Stewart type childhood, without the bitchy screaming demands for perfection. Clean house, matching outfits (not kids matching... the shirt matching the pants kind of thing), fantastic family dinners, possibly with bird singing sweetly in the air. OK... maybe not the birds.

My Truth

By now you have probably heard/seen the news story regarding the disrupted adoption of the little boy who was sent back to Russia, alone. We may never know what really went on behind the scenes in this situation, but the fact remains that this was the outcome and it was not good. I cannot imagine any situation that would cause me to choose to abandon my child, but then again, I also cannot imagine living with a child with RAD.

In response to the tragic situation surrounding Artyem Saviliev,  The Joint Council on International Children's Services is asking people to take part in We Are The Truth – an adoption blogger day: To ensure the world knows about every successful adoption, on Thursday, April 15, 2010 blog about your adoption or the adoption of someone you know. It doesn't matter if your adoption is with Russia, domestic or otherwise international. Let the world know your truth!

For the past week, the cuddler has woken up around 10 pm and just wants to cuddle on the couch for a few minutes while going back to sleep. It's so quiet and peaceful then, with the cutest little guy sitting on the my lap in perfect contentment. Lala, on the other hand, is a morning snuggler. She wants to get up and snuggle with mommy for a few minutes before the cuddler gets up. Again, it's so quiet and peaceful, just listening to her breathing as she listens to my heart beating. Those are the times I live for.

In the summer of 2006, I decided to look into adoption. I was about to turn 36 and, although I wanted to be a mom, I did not want to win the award for "oldest mom" at my child's high school graduation. (my stepmother nearly won youngest at my high school graduation, but there was actually a bio mom who was younger! It was an award I also did not want to win, but by the time my graduation rolled around, not having a kid, I was apparently too old.)

How I ended up in the foster-to-adopt program in the state of WA is a long and convoluted story, but it is where I ended up and where I met my children. Well, met isn't really the word... it was more like, "will you take this kid? Dunno for how long. His/Her name is.... and birth date is...."  That was the sum total of the information I was given before I picked each one up.

When Lala came home, I was a bit stunned. She was smiley and giggly and so what I! But it was hard to believe that there was an actual baby in my house and no one was coming back in a few hours to pick her up. It was a daze. For days I had this foolish grin on my face that said "can you believe this?!?!"  I recognize that look on the faces of other adoptive moms I know... the amazement of what I've been given still stuns me at times. (When she left, it was another daze. Not a happy one.) When the cuddler came home, it wasn't a daze, it was giddiness. Although I had been assured that he would only stay two weeks max, that first night I looked at him and said "I know you are the one staying. I'll never to get use all those dresses in the closet because you're the one, aren't you." Then he pee'd on me. Obviously it was love at first sight.

Then Lala came back into our lives and I seriously considered buying a lottery ticket. Obviously it was my lucky day. Who doesn't want a house filled with baby-dolls and trucks?

I accept that fact that there are things I will never know about either of them. And that the future is uncertain. Will either develop attachment issues? Will they develop more serious medical issues? Will either have a learning disability? FASD? Will they be angry at me for "taking them away from their birth family"? I don't know. I can't tell what lies ahead. I can only tell you that I will be there if it does and I will figure out a way to deal with it. We just will.

At this point, I will be adopting Lala (whenever the paperwork moves those last 15 feet) and the process to adopt the cuddler is starting. If you had told me in 2006 that I would have two children, a boy and girl, approx. 11 months apart I probably would have laughed and really, really hoped you were right. They are the dream I held on to for so long. Every smile, every laugh, every scream, every whine "I want", and "mommy!" is part of the dream. Thank God I get to live it.

so much for posting every day

It's just been busy. Not super busy, just kid busy.

Spring break had nasty weather and I was sick most of the time. Last week just flew by, probably because I was waiting for some nice weather... the kids were finally able to play in the sandbox! Albeit, close to freezing outside.

This weekend Lala had her first swim lesson. She is the largest child in the class and I think pretty advanced. Of course, compared to a 9 month old, anything she does looks "advanced". The cuddler is starting to suspect that something fun is going on while he is in the childcare center during the swim lessons and is not thrilled about missing it.

Lala also put her face in the water without much coaxing - she may be taking after Uncle James after all. Speaking of which, the cuddler must have gotten pointers from Uncle James the last time he visited, as he is now running and hiding when told he needs to go somewhere he doesn't want to... at least he hasn't figured out how to open the front door yet.

Meeting with the cuddler's CW tonight, so will probably have an update on his situation. I'm hearing rumors that something is afoot.

Easter Eve

Yeah… I’m a little excited about the coming of the Easter Bunny. You see, at Christmas, both kids got so many presents from ALL family members, it was pretty much overload on everything. For a month, every one they saw brought some sort of present! It’s not supposed to be about the presents, but when you’re sitting there looking at three “Chuck The Truck”s, it’s a little hard to get excited about anything.

Finding the eggs… now that’s surprising and fun! And there is chocolate inside – real chocolate, not something to use on the chalkboard (Lala is still mixing up chocolate and chalk. She told me this morning that the cuddler was drawing on her chocolate… which was a bit confusing and I did think that perhaps someone had found the eggs before Easter.)

I’m off to hide the eggs.

April Fool's

Ha! The joke is on me... I didn't post yesterday. Once again, I need to learn the lesson of "do not take Nyq*uil during the day". Apparently, I'm stupid when it comes to Ny*quil.  I am coughing less while downing it though.

The last day of spring break. I finished cleaning out the oven, put the Easter Baskets together and filled all the eggs. The kids and I dyed eggs - or rather, I dyed the eggs while they watched. I was pretty sure that the cuddler would try to drink the dye and Lala did get to help. Afterwards they actually split a hard boiled egg. The first one either actually ate without making a face and tossing it on the floor. The key to getting your children to eat healthy is to dye the food unusual colors. I wonder if you can dye broccoli purple?

It's a family filled weekend and General Conference, so we'll be busy, busy, busy. And we're on storm watch. Maybe something interesting to write about when I'm not on N*yquil.

Last Day of the Month

Well, posting every day didn’t happen completely, but this will be my 18th post for the month. That is a new record on Hedgetoad Baby! I’m fairly proud of that, and I’ll be trying again for the month of April. Can I do all 30 days? Or at least 19? I’m guessing it will depend on how exciting my life is during that month.

Also, we will have to call the exercise plan a failure. Hmm… I don’t seem to be doing so well on this 12 new habits for the year. One for three is not a good record. April’s challenge is organization. With spring break, you would think I have plenty of time to begin, but as the master of procrastination I may be in trouble. In fact, at this moment I should be packing up my car for a drive to the big city. I have not taken a shower or found the clothing I want to take to the children’s consignment shop. I’ve been procrastinating on the computer. Sad, but true.

In the meantime, we’re still waiting for Lala’s file to be moved to an adoption worker. Everything is ready, but apparently there’s been a freeze on file movement for at least the first half of this month. I’m guessing that I will soon be getting yet another “plan of action” stating that the state expects that the adoption will be finalized in October. It’s worrisome that things are not finalized, because things can change at the drop of a hat… especially with staff changes. We’ve all heard the horror stories about bad case workers, ill-informed judges, lost paperwork and other snafus with tragic results. I’ve always known it’s a possibility, but the longer we go, the more it preys on my mind. Hopefully, things will start to get moving in April. This is also the month that the cuddler’s hearing begins. Or, rather, is scheduled to begin. The one thing you can count on in our court system is delay.

Quickie Update

• Everyone seems to talking about Lala’s recent opening up. At school she is talking much more and refers to all of the staff members by name. She even says goodbye to them when we leave. This is the same daycare she’s been going to since she was 5 months old (with an 8 month break to another center, same owner) and it’s only within the last four months that she’s ever talked about it or mentioned anyone by name. She’s doing the same thing at the nursery in church and I’ve noticed that she will say “hello” to strangers at the store who smile at her – but only if she’s near me. Is it just a maturity thing or settling in thing?
• Lala has started “reading” her favorite book. It’s about a spider who eats a fly. I’m glad she’s starting to “read”, but really… the topic is a little kooky.
• The cuddler is getting another tooth. At least I’m hoping that’s why his nose is running again! and he’s cranky all the time. I saw part of the new tooth yesterday as he was screaming at me to let him into the kitchen while I was cooking. Sadly, he is NOT kitchen safe and able to reach up and feel around for the burners. Which he’s tried to do on several occasions.
• The s*a*n*d*b*o*x arrived today. Luckily, it’s somewhat rainy, so I can leave it out in the back yard and not worry about it’s discovery. Hopefully, tomorrow I will be able to pick up some play sand that won’t make me believe I’m giving them cancer.
• It’s spring break and I’m planning on doing spring cleaning. How fun. I may actually catch up on laundry. Possibly match up all the lone socks roaming around the house. And I am definitely checking out a “steam mop”… whatever that is. I’ve heard they are awesome, but are they really ok with dog hair? Anyone?
• Did I mention that it's been storming all night and all day today? What happened to going out like a lamb?

The Cutest Thing

As a teacher, I'm big on raising your hand and doing the instant poll. It's an instructional technique - seriously. Not just a way to ask to go to the toilets (although, it is probably the most common use in my classes, especially on grammar days).

 

Of course, I taught both kids to do the instant poll. "Who wants macaroni and cheese for lunch - raise your hand" Two hands shoot up in the air. "Who wants broccoli in it?" One hand goes up, the other other starts wavering. Raising your hand in the instant poll is super fun, but broccoli is not. Lala often finds herself in such quandaries. The cuddler will still do and eat anything set before him.

 

Yesterday in the car we did the instant poll. "Who loves Keavy?" Every hand shoots up in the air and grins all around. "Who loves the cuddler" Hands still waving - although the cuddler did put his down; did he really understand that he was subject of the question? The kid is so smart! "Who loves Lala?" Lala starts giggling and the cuddler's hand shoots back up in air. "Who loves momma?" Both all hands waving in the air and everyone laughing out loud... I really wish I could have filmed it. It was the cutest thing ever.

Beautiful Day

Well, it seems that I will spending at least part of tomorrow “child-proofing” the back yard and trying to figure out a place to store more outdoor toys.

The cuddler was attempting to move bricks this afternoon. For some reason, he felt that they all needed to be in the same place. He’s very big into organization and putting things in their place. I’m hoping that this means a clean teen-age room… but back to the bricks. I guess he just felt that there wasn’t enough to play with while Mommy was rebuilding the garden fence. He found some bricks in one area and then spied some stacked in another area. I was surprised that he was able to pick them up, but he seemed rather determined to stack them all together. At least he did while I was dragging him away to find something a little more suitable for playing.

The Easter Bunny will be bringing a s*a*n*d*b*o*x to play in a couple of weeks. Shhhh! don’t tell.

Happy St. Patrick's Day

Today, I'll be in the midst of WASL madness and general slacker-tude. But I'll be thinking of my all my NYC friends and the wonderful times we had on St. Paddy's Day. It truly was my favorite holiday - it always lived up to it's reputation and expectations. If I was 10 years younger, I'd be on plane, instead of reading instructions and hunting down errant cell phones. I hope you are still wearing green to avoid being pinched and heading out to have a nice Irish lunch or dinner.

Meeting with CW

Nothing really new to report with the cuddler. Everything is progressing at the usual snails pace.

It was mentioned that "no relatives have been found"... which was a little concerning. I thought that all the alternatives had been exhausted already, but I guess not. It would be so hard on him to leave now. I'm the only "momma" he knows.

In the meantime, the cuddler was showing off his pretend play skills - he's so advanced for his age. Obviously, he's a genius. And super cute.

Daylight savings is kicking our butt. Both kids were sleeping hard when I went to wake them (in the dark, THANK YOU MR. BUSH - hope you are enjoying your long golf game). I'm hopeful that tomorrow will be better.

Lala has used the potty every morning for 5 days in a row! It's becoming quite a habit. Now if we can just get it to become a habit at other times of day. Of course, mommy probably could be a more helpful reminder-er.

The weather today was gorgeous! 60 degrees and sunny. Slight breeze, but not the usual climb-up-your-spine chilly.

Three more months until summer...

How do you tell if your child is a prodigy?

yeah... I'm that kind of parent. Is it crazy that I've already talked to a piano teacher about taking lessons?

Every Sunday at church, Lala loves to "direct" the music. She watches the music leader with fascination and tries to copy his hand movements. She's also fascinated with the piano. This morning we had to listen to someone playing after church for about ten minutes before we could leave... under duress.

Sadly, there is no suzuki for the piano; at least not around here and I was told that she needs to be able to identify the alphabet before starting. So we'll have another year or two of listening to other playing before she starts. It'll give me time to save up for a piano and find a place to put it. I may need to expand the house.

I'm a Mom

We did it! This morning, we got loaded up and headed out the Y. The cuddler went into the kidlet's rooms and Lala and I went swimming. It's all part of the big plan to start one the activity treadmill. I felt like such a mom! Sadly, the town I live in is pretty much stuck in 1972, so there are few activites for littles and almost none offtered on the weekends or evenings. If you can't make it Tuesday at 10am, you are S.O.L. I have to make it up as we go along and we're almost always solo because those activities are where you meet other moms... which we can't go to.

Lala begins swim lessons next month (the only thing offered on weekends in her age group). She is not good with change (and who can blame her?), so we're spending Saturday mornings swimming during "family swim"  to get used to the "big bathtub". It took about 15 minutes to get to the point of standing in ankle deep water. Luckily, there is a walk in area and a very shallow area for littles. Twenty minutes we were "swooshin" around the little river-like play canal. We tried to play motorboat, but the concept was a little confusing. Maybe next week.

The cuddler had a fantastic time in the kidlet area and Lala was a bit jealous. Next week I may try to squeeze in a work out and let her play for a bit. It may be pushing the time limit for the cuddler though.

PS - Lala used the big potty to pee! The first time outside of the house! We're on a roll!

Ack!

This morning was an interesting one. Yup, I can now write that brushing your teeth with eyeshadow is not, in fact, toxic, just dusty.

I can also pretty much guarantee that this may become the most g**gl*d post on my site, because this fact is not listed anywhere that easily brought up in your results. I know. I tried. Then I became very worried that the reason I couldn't find it was that everyone else just called 9*1 instead of searching the internet.

Now you know.

crafty? Not so much...

I have so many crafty projects simmering on the back burner right now, I have to remind myself that some things are just better not started. Like having chickens... I can't even find time to put my desk back together! Where will I find time to build a chicken coop?

Plus it's started raining again and probably won't stop until May.

As a parent of two small children (and how good is it to be able to say that with the ring of truth?!?), I just have to accept that there are some things that I just can't do, no matter how much I want to it and other things will are going to take a lot longer. I need at least 6 hours of sleep a night and the dishes and laundry must be kept up with. Food, given to the children at regular intervals is very important. Taming the mountains of crap in my bedroom - not so important. Painting the cuddler's room in a normal color - probably not going to happen until summer, if ever. He's 19 months old, he really doesn't care about his wall color. He cares about easy access to the dog food and his blankie.

Hopefully, my room will be put back together again soon and Lala's skirt will be finished before the end of the month. Those are the two projects for the month. Perhaps I will get to move on to paining the dressers or at least switching them so that the cuddler won't be able to throw all of his clean clothes around his room and (a big and!) I'll be able to shift some things from his closet so his clothes can go in there.

Yah. It's all talk right now. But maybe one day...

PS. Still avoiding the treadmill. Must figure out motivation.

!2 Things in !2 Months Update

I think I need a 12 step program.  This month I have managed to not exercise even once. In 10 days, nada.

That's not even normal for me! Am I just too busy? Or has the spring-like weather turned me into a slug? Is it because that's my goal for this month? Seriously... I need to push through this some how!

Check it off the list

The weather held. I prayed all afternoon that it wouldn't rain and for once it didn't. Sometimes living in a year round green environment gets annoying. One year, it rained for three months straight. EVERY DAY! By the time I could finally mow the lawn, I had to use a weed whacker first because it was too high for the lawn mower to take - and still wet at the base. Anyways, I'm relieved that my house no longer looks like it is inhabited by hill-billies.  Now I'm just waiting to tackle the moss... it's taking over the front yard. Part of me really wants to leave it. You don't ever have to mow moss.

Yesterday I also signed up to take the West-E Social Studies exam so that I can add a social studies endorsement on to my certificate. Sounds simple right? Take the test, pay the money... done deal.

Today I started delving into the study guide. Um... economics? it's been about 20 years since I've done that. Specific court cases? Not so much.. Brown v. Board of Education, sure... but the Boldt decision? I have a boat-load of studying to do (no pun intended.. fishing right - boats... get it?) So far, I've got an APUSH study guide to read and plan to get economics for dummies (highly recommended by those who've taken the test)... but I haven't a clue as to where to study the WA specific stuff that wasn't covered in my Washington state history courses.

And the kicker! I signed up to take the test on April 17th! So, guess what I'm doing for Spring Break? And just yesterday I was wondering what to do.

Fail

I completely forgot to blog this whole weekend! Four days worth of posting gone up in smoke. (for some reason, the one I had scheduled for the fourth did not upload... stupid blogger).

This weekend was a busy one, but satisfying. I completed the program to update my teaching certificate! Just have to mail in one form and I am done for another five years. Sadly, Saturday was the nicest day this year and had to spend most of it indoors doing that.. my back lawn has become a jungle because I just cannot get time when it's nice out to actually mow. The sun is out right now and if it holds for another 3 hours, I might rush how to get it done. With my luck it'll probably start raining in two hours.

Sunday we went to church and I finally got called to do something (we have no paid people to do anything, it's all volunteer... ). Not surprisingly I was asked to help teach the nursery class. Since I've been hanging out there for nearly a year as it is, I guess now it's official. The nursery leader will be happy; she's always scambling for people to help out.

And my mother was here all weekend. And I had a huge mountain of laundry to get done. And re-organized, changed up, etc. my desk area. Photos to come later.

15 Days until spring break. I haven't decided what we're doing yet. It's possible that we may have guests, but if no one comes, I might use the time to do some painting. Or go to Ikea. Or garden... just get stuff around the house done and play with the kids.

12 Habits Update

Last month's habit was to reduce the amount of TV we watch. I would have to say that I had a serious addiction going on - the minute I awoke to well after I asleep, the TV was on. And, let's be honest, there is not a lot of TV these days that would be suitable for very small children. There's a lot of murder and mayhem going on 24 hours a day, but not so many ponies and rainbows.

We started with turning the TV off after Handy Manny on Saturday morning. Momma is slow to wake up on the weekends and this has been a sanity saver. However, once breakfast is on the table, TV is no longer a friend. I don't know if I became more focused or the kids were calmer... but without TV, the day just seemed to smoother. There were less fights, less screaming and whining. Of course, it could also have been the fact that it was the warmest Feb. in the last decade and we could actually go outside and play, but I digress. Strangely, it just seemed to be better. Then we moved on to keeping the TV off on the week days until after dinner. The kids really didn't miss it (because they weren't watching anyways!) and the lack of background noise made for quieter playing. Of course, clingy, sick kids threw a wrench into that at the end of the month, but over all we (I) watched much less and no one died. Or was even maimed.

This month's habit is to exercise. Seriously. I must have been having an optimistic moment when I decided that, thinking about running Bloomsday or doing the Rhody Run. They always sound like good goals in December... not so much in March when I actually have to do something. Nonetheless, I will endeavor. I do actually have a Y membership so the kids can do swimming lessons... perhaps I should actually take advantage of it. Game on.

Daily posting

Yup, I trying to post every day... but there seems to be a flaw in this plan. The flaw would be that by the time I get done putting the kids to bed, cleaning the kitchen and picking up the living room, I'm knackered. I haven't made it past 8.30pm this week - it's just so busy during the day and everyone has been sick (including me), whining beyond belief... After Lala has finally fallen asleep, all I want is some silence and nothingness. Which, you know, makes me fall asleep.

Parenthood is so exciting.

What I really need is to find a way to get a burst of energy at around 8pm so I can get some things actually done. I'm rather drug adverse - it being illegal and all - and I don't drink coffee. Or soda, really. I need some new ideas, because I'm about to be crushed under a mountain of laundry.

Busy! Busy!

Meetings today - with rushing around to get things done for meetings tomorrow and Thursday! How did March get so busy? It's supposed to be my take it easy month!

Lala's file will hopefully be moved to the Adoption Worker by next Friday! Finally some movement... it's amazing how much work it takes to get a file moved 25 feet. The plan, now, is to have everything complete by June.

What I Learned From My Camera

For my birthday last year, I requested a new camera. Although my previous one was much loved, it was not of the latest technology and had issues taking photos of small children... i.e. every photo displayed a side/back of a head as the subject was moving constantly.  I thought that perhaps a new camera would not only take better photos, but also have a quicker shutter speed. It does not have a faster shutter speed. If I want to get a photo of the children smiling, it has to be on the down-low. Turn and click - which much hoping that they are actually in the lens frame. Any movement towards attempting to pose, look in the viewfinder or speak to either children will result in a blurry mess. (Or a grand photo of Lala's neck. Point a camera towards her and say "smile" and she hears, "grin like the Cheshire cat while staring that the ceiling" No idea why.)  The ones that look great? These are the ones in the moment. Nothing planned or posed. No disappointment of unmet expectations. Just a quick snap and moving on.

 

Sometimes my life needs to be like too. I've been so busy lately attempting to keep up with everything, stressing about undone tasks that I haven't been enjoying most days. I'm watching the clock, waiting for bed time, because "I have to do.... and .....!" And procrastinating many things because my mind is running so fast that I just need time to space out. Instead, what I need to do is focus on the immediate - what do I really need to do right now and what is not so important? How can I enjoy my time with the children more? Lala, especially, is in the early explorer stage and she's just so excited about everything new! How can I keep the enjoyment in it for both of us?

 

Strange, the things we learn from inanimate objects can be so filled with life.

I Did It Myself!

 Lala inspired me - all that desire to accomplish daily tasks. Or discovering new things.

The sink in the bathroom has been a slow drainer for awhile now. According to "How to Sew a Button," some baking soda and vinegar would take care of the problem. Initially, it wasn't working. Then I read the rest of the instructions (which are laid out very simply... I've just a short attention span, apparently), which indicated that a pot of boiling water should be poured down the drain after the foam had subsided. Really, that part should have double stars next to it, because without it the process fails.

What new adventure will tomorrow bring? I can't even imagine.

Spring Is In the Air

In reading across blogland, it seems that spring is truly on it's way. Students are getting restless, the countdown to testing has started and some flowers may have been spotted around the corner. My school mailbox contained the annual "tell us what you're planning on doing next year" form... which means that RIF notices will soon be coming too. Since I'm still (!!!) at the bottom of the seniority list, it's my annual time to stress out about it and seek constant reassurance that "it won't be [you]". Although this year, I may feel a twinge of dissapointment about that one. Weird thing just keep happening, weird-scary things, and everyone is walking on eggshells. Or a little bit closer to running around campus screaming at the top of their lungs. Either one is equally probable.

A "friend" told me about a job opening in another district for the coming year. It would be a very different job, but with the possibility of a much lighter workload or a much heavier one. The job could go either way, I suppose, given the size of the district (miniscule). Part of me wants to send in a resume right now and another part of me is more than a bit scared about the changes it would require. I've become quite staid in my old age - I'm not big on change. (Also, packing - not fun). Plus updating my teacher file... when exactly does one get to stop doing that when seeking a job? Because it's been so long that I don't even own a computer that could read the disk the old information was stored on... it's been that long.

Spring Weather

Thanks to El Nino, we've had the mildest winter weather I've experienced since moving to this area. I've scraped my windows twice since Feb. '09 and it snowed only once. The kids didn't even have a chance to go out an play in it, because it was gone in an hour. Everything is blooming. Yesterday I was pulling up dandelion flowers from the garden... in February! I'm so glad I bought boots this year!

This whole week has been sunny and above 50 degrees. The kids are going nuts running around the year and playing with the slide. Lala has finally figured out how to use the trike. Seriously, you can't tell her  how to do anything - she has to figure it on her own or watch you do it. Since I can't "ride" the trike, she's been working on it for awhile. The cuddler has finally reached the point of where I can trust that he won't pick up everything on the ground and attempt to eat it (thank you!) and can walk well enough to maneuver on uneven ground without serious injury (the dog likes to dig).

While they ran around, I worked to prep the garden. Because the weather is pretty mild (read cold and wet, not fun to be outside in), everything keeps growing during the winter. During periods of nice weather, you can see some people out mowing in January. The weeds had started to take over my poor little fallow garden and spread their roots all over. You cannot believe the size of the roots under these dandelions. Fist-sized, with runners that stretch across the yard. And the damn morning glories... the bane of my existance. But maybe if I start weeding now, I'll be able to keep them under control come summer. Maybe.

Someone needs a visit to the eye doctor!

We all went up to a local children's museum on Monday. When I say a good time was had by all... I mean that two kids were busy every second for over three hours. The only time they were off exploring and building something was when we at lunch. It was a nice break in the activity before anyone got overloaded.

While we were having lunch, another mother was feeding her baby nearby. We started chatting about nothing in particular. Then she made a comment about the cuddler's hair color, which isn't a usual color. Then she remarked as to how both kids look so much alike except for their coloring. Luckily, I wasn't drinking anything, because I'm sure I would have choked. We all look so little alike that I have actually worried about having to prove that the kids really belong with me. I guess I don't have to worry so much, eh?

You Can Do Anything!

I forgot to mention - while talking with the cuddler's CW about the termination process, she said she was told to ask me if I wanted to adopt the cuddler's siblings (2 girls). I just stared at her. Seriously, a single mom with four children under the age of 6? It sounds like a Lifetime special. All the CW could say was "I was told to ask..." because they won't be adopted by their current foster care placement*.

I would love to be able to adopt those little girls, but doing it alone is not feasible. So, if you know of someone who'd like to get married in the next year to an overworked mom with a ready-made family and relatives constantly butting in, let me know. I know there are tons of those types of guys running around... like unicorns.

*The girls are currently placed with foster parents who are over the age of 60 - I won't say "well-over" to be kind, but sufice it to say that it's unlikely that if they did adopt the cuddler's sisters they would probably not live to see them graduate from high school.

Counting Chickens

Some times, during the journey, it's hard not to count your chickens before they hatch. You start planning your life - move here, buy this house, find that job, take the trip of a lifetime... and then you remember that you moving would be a huge paperwork pain in the &$%, a new job would just add more stress and how many tickets would you need for the trip?!!? And then you (I) get annoyed at the insecurity of this whole process. I know why it's like this and on an intellectual level somewhat understand it's need to be so, but it's still annoying!



Paperwork has been filed on the cuddler's biological parents. It may be a few months before the first court date and there is expected to be a fight or not... there are extenuating circumstances that could make it blow either way. In the meantime, the cuddler is chattering away and growing like a weed. He's finally figured out what to do with the train tracks and the trucks and cooks up a mean wooden steak with white onion. All the bottles were bagged up last week and we're pondering when to get him a toddler bed. (He's been attempting "crib break-outs" in the morning) He's getting older and more bonded to our family. I worry about what would happen if he was to return 'home'. Would he wonder why 'mommy' isn't there and where she is and where is Lala and Keavy and why isn't he going to the 'home' he's known longer than any other? Would he suffer pretty severe emotional repercussions? I worry more as each month goes by.

Sounds of Silence

I'll admit it. I'm a tv addict. As a true child of 70's I spent my Saturday mornings engrossed in cartoons and all of my evenings watching a strictly scheduled repertoire of sit-coms, variety shows and dramas. Every Saturday night was spent watching Lawrence Welk (wonerful, wonerful), Hee-Haw and the Irish Rovers. Sunday nights was Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdome, Jacque Costeau and Disney. Every day I would wish and hope that that was the day that Ms. Florence would see me in her magic mirror. She never did and I'm still disappointed to this day.

However, just because I'm a tv addict does not mean that my kids should be. Plus, I know it makes sound like an old fogey, but television is not as good as it was back then. Only drunk people sing, animal shows are all about blood and gore and cartoons no longer have story lines. Well, except Handy Manny. So this month's habit is to turn off the TV. Given that it could rain heavily every day this month, it may be impossible, but we're giving it a go.

Dreaming Away

Lately, I've been dreaming of moving to New Zealand. You know, it's all clean and shiny... it doesn't rain almost every day and the kids wear uniforms to school.  No more policing children's clothing at work or arguments about whether the rip is "just above the kneee" or "displaying the thigh". FYI, in the teen age mind, there is apparently a separate and distinct, body part between the knee and the thigh. It's called "justabovetheknee."

Working in a high school gives me lots of foder for thought on Lala's future schooling. For example, although I know the elementary school teachers in my district are wonderful and kind people, I really don't want Lala to attend school here. The kindergartners are foul-mouthed, illmannered, and apathetic. How is a kindergartner not excited about school? Although my community has several things positive about it, there are many that are not. Racism abounds. Schools are free day care/court monitoring and learning isn't a high priority. Neither is discipline, respect for others or hygiene.

So then the question becomes where does she go to school? Private is pretty much out, unless I find a job at a private school that allows children of staff members to attend for free. Homeschooling could only be an option if I found a work at home job that offered insurance (ha!). Which leaves moving as a viable option. And if you're going to move, why not make it a great international experience? Lala could have a cute Kiwi accent and say things like "yissss," instead of "yes" and we could go to a beach with swim suits instead of jogging suits with fleece jackets. I could get used to eating pickled beets (they're on everything in that part of world... ) and Lala could gross out all her Kiwi friends by eating peanutbutter and jelly sandwiches.

Ok, it's January and constantly raining. Pictures of sunny beaches give you funny ideas.

No!

Over this week, I've noticed that the cuddler has really discovered the word no. Although, it's more "noooooo".  It's now his favorite response to almost any question.

"Do you want a cuppie?" "Noooo", while simultaneously walking in to the kitchen and opening up the dishwasher in search for a cuppie.

"Do you want to play on your firetruck?" Noooo."

"Do you want to play with legos?" Noooo."

It doesn't really matter what he wants or doesn't want, he's just in love with his newfound power of communication.

Lala has definitely moved into independence. She wants to do everything herself. Buckle her own seat belt, put on her own socks and clothes, change her own diaper.... good times, good times.

It's a little stunning to realize that the baby days are over. This week I put all the bottles away. I suppose I should throw them away, but it seems so wasteful. Although, who is going to want them? They've pretty much gone through two kids and they're plastic. The cuddler has somewhat attempted to crawl out of his crib, so I'm sure that toddler bed isn't too far behind... and then I'll have two kids, rather than two babies. Wow.

MidMonth Update

So, how have I been doing on my monthly goal? Well, lets just say that my sink is currently full of dishes from last night and I have no clean pants to wear to work tomorrow. Instead of catching up this holiday, I took a three hour nap. FYI - I don't like naps. They do not leave me refreshed or energy filled. And yet, for some reason I did it anyways. I am, truly, a hopeless case. If it wasn't for the kids, I'd give up completely. But they deserve to have an organized home.  In the meantime, I am determined to catch up on work so that I can devote more time to home (ha!) or perhaps come up with some other scheme to throw myself back into the mix and finish out the month with habit firtmly in hand.

Appros of nothing, last night I watched Return to Cranford. I'll admit I was enamored with the original Cranford, shown on Masterpiece Theater last year. (Why is that American television can never do anything as good? Oh, right, Americans. Carry on.) I have to say that I'm a bit jealous of the ladies of Cranford. They have such a wonderful friendship to bind them together. They are all very accepting of each others foilables - like dressing your cow in a union suit when it gets cold. I used to have friends that were that close... and then I moved. It's the one thing that makes me regret it. But it's not just the move, it's having little ones too... I can't just nip out for a cuppa and any evening has to be planned out in advance. Maybe when they're teens, I'll have a life again. I'll be sixty, but sixty is the new forty, right?

One Step Closer

Today Lala's mother relinquished her parental rights and our open communication agreement was filed with the court. The actual court appearance took only five minutes... the waiting for the court appearance took over two hours. Seriously, I walked into a packed building and left an empty one. There was a lot of emotion in that hallway. Anger, sadness and happiness, all clashing into each other and fighting over the four chairs to sit on.

Why did I go? Partly to see that it actually happened - there's been a lot of postponements and delays and partly to be a witness to this monumental event in my daughter's life. Ten, fifteen years from now, when we're having one of those serious conversations that young teens always want to have I can describe how it all went down from a first hand account. I think that's important for her and I think it's important in my relationship with her birth mom. It probably won't ever be the most comfortable of relationships, but I know that in her way she does love Lala and wants the best for her.

With in the next few weeks, the case will get an adoption worker and leave the capable hands of the CW we've worked with for the last two years. (Jeez! I just realized that it has been two years since Lala came into my life) That's a little scary - obviously I want to move one, but fear of the unknown always lurks around.  How long until we hit the absolute end? Perhaps I should start a betting pool.

Tomorrow Is Only A Day Away

Tomorrow may or may not be a step closer to ending this adoption chase for Lala. I’d like to say that it will be… but experience has taught me by this point that nothing is for sure.

Meanwhile, the cuddler is moving closer to become available for adoption. Yesterday I was sure that he had taken a step towards reunification. This morning my secret insider (ok, not really secret… but it sounds more interesting) gave me some news that made me somewhat confused as to what was going on and a meeting with his CW this evening confirmed the move towards adoption.

More tomorrow.

Madame Mim the Mind Reader

One of things I hate about foster to adopt is the amount of "reading the signs" I end up doing. 

Case Worker does this, it must mean that. Biological Parent does that, must mean this.

It is especially mind wracking when these "signs" are in conflict with one another. Mostly because it leads to another round of speculation. I really wish I could just go with the flow, let go, trust in God and all that crap, but apparently I can't. So, instead I sit around wondering what it all means.

Adoption Update

Lala's CW has been working with her BM to reliquish her parent rights. Today I signed the open communication agreement for Lala and hopefully the reliquishment will happen very soon. From that point... there's a light at the end of the tunnel. Faint, but glowing.

While my parenthood journey is just beginning...  an old classmate posted photos of her grandchild on fac*^ook.

GRANDCHILD!

I'm officially old and just delving into the world of playdough. Isn't it exciting?

Amazing Baby

Some of the things the cuddler has learned to do over the holidays...

• open the dishwasher to fetch a bottle, when I attempt to give him a "cuppy". I think it's time to wean.
• climb various pieces of furniture to grab containers of snacks.
• finally discovered the joy of a "blankie". Up to now, he's never cared.
• at lunch will say "sandwich", take a bite then say "mmmm!"
• take off his own clothes
• operate a cell phone. Luckily, he has not figured out how to use a smart phone.
• will bring his boo-boos to me to kiss-and-make-better.

He just gets smarter and more grown up every day.

Does falling asleep count as an excuse?

Last night I did not do my night routine. I went to take a nap after the kids were in bed - I really was tired! - and then ended up sleeping until 1 am. At that point, it's moot to get up and do the dishes before going to bed.

I did them this morning and did my morning routine. Now on to laundry and completing the assignments I was supposed to write after doing those dishes last night.

Happy New Year!