Play Kitchen

Lala is really into pretend play these days. I want to encourage this, as it gives me some free time to pee solo while the TV isn’t on, so I’ve been perusing play kitchens online. She plays with one at church and seems quite happy with it.

Have you priced play kitchens lately? Almost all start over one hundred dollars! That’s without utensils. Now, I love Lala… but $100 for a first holiday present? I thought she’d be at least nine before this happened. Heck, she hasn’t even discovered American Girl yet.

There is one that is quite reasonable in price, but apparently the reason for the low price is that you have to finish the manufacturing process. Not just assembly, but also cutting the pieces out of the plastic. According the hundreds of reviews online, it takes at least four hours to assemble, a wire cutter, razor knife and several different sandpaper grits. I’d like to think that I’m handy… but four hours of assembly on Christmas Eve? My plans were more like cookies, hot cocoa and a movie that included my Christmas wish… a really hot guy.

I’m thinking that I might go to Home Depot and purchase a short cabinet upon which I’ll paint kitchen like things. You know, burners and a fake window. Does that sound cheap?

What Time Do I Put The Turkey In?

For some reason, I’m really excited about cooking Thanksgiving dinner. All the work and planning, and I can’t wait. I’m guessing it’s because I get to chose what to make… you know, the great stuffing debate and all that. My stepmother loves to cook – and don’t get me wrong, she is a great cook – but holidays are not times for experimentation. I’m a traditionalist. To me, holidays are about connecting to your family and your history.

That means we have oyster stuffing, sit on the ‘davenport’ and talk or play games. We don’t watch TV because it’s rude (although given that it’s just us, we may watch the parade). There will be a jell-o salad. If we were at ‘ol homestead, we’d probably be sledding at some point and hoping that there is “store-bought” milk somewhere. And darn it, I think it’s important for kids to have that consistency, so my kids are eating the same Thanksgiving dinner I ate, that my mother ate, my grandmother ate and my great grandmother ate.

I think the other reason I’m so excited is just because I didn’t make it this far with Lala last year. It was the beginning of a very sad and disappointed time. I was planning on going to the Black Friday sales, but ended up buying toys for Lala that are still sitting in the closet – and the thought that they will be given this year is thrilling. Not only those presents, but stockings and cookies… oh yeah. I’m a little excited.

Quick Update

• Lala’s dog bite is healing. Explained the situation to her CW and so far, the dog is not going to be in “doggie jail”. I already have a “safety plan” in place, but it’s not one that the dog loves, so I am looking for a new home for her. Had lots of conversations with people about it and if a better home can be found, it would probably be the best. Or, it may be a really long winter.
• Most of my holiday shopping is done. Unfortunately, the cuddler seems to have gotten the raw end of the deal… his poor little stocking is nearly empty. However, I’m not going to buy anything more until the gifts from the state arrive as I have no idea what will show up. Also have no idea when anything will show up.
• I decided to return one of Lala’s gifts I ordered. First, it’s on sale somewhere else for about half the price and second, I’m not so sure I want it any more. I’m wondering if I should create a pretend kitchen with a wooden crate and shelving. That way, it could be recycled into something useful and it supposed to ‘pretend’. How realistic does ‘pretend’ need to be?
• Cards were ordered and are on their way here. Hopefully, they will arrive by Thanksgiving so that I can get them done on Friday and sent out.
• Turkey is currently thawing in fridge in preparation for Thanksgiving. If you’re wondering about the process, it’s here.
• The cuddler will be here over the holidays. No reunification plan has been set.

How to End a Really Sucky Day?

After all my angst about who would actually show up for conferences, I only made it to one session before I collapsed into a fever crazed sick person. There was supposed to be a sign up sheet to leave phone numbers, but either few could be bothered or, as one parent claimed, the paper was hidden somewhere that only special parents could find. I do have about 15 to call next week.

In the meantime, I’m still trying to recover from said illness. And get caught up on grading. Usually, I get tons done during conferences since I’m forced to sit in the cafeteria for hours with little entertainment. I had it planned… and, it didn’t work out. Instead, it was a marathon session today.

So what made the day suck? It should have been great. Only one class, tons of time to get stuff done, get qualified for my energy rebate without having to take time off, maybe even grocery shop… well, I did get one class all caught up with grading and will be getting my rebate check.

But! am apparently broke, discovered that out of 45 students, only 15 did the project assignment that was due today… and only two were from the class I actually saw, forcing me to give the annual “if you sit around watching life go by, all your going to get is a view of other people getting a life” speech. (as a side note, I think it’s getting better… there were no rolling eyes this year. Then again, this isn’t a class with much of a backbone).

After school, I was really too wiped out (speechifying is tiring!) to shop, so I didn’t get that done. Or pay the garbage bill or deposit a check, hence the bounced check fee… and the dog bit the two year old. So, I’ll spending the weekend finding her a new home (the dog, not the two year old)… which sucks, but I’ve tried everything and the dog is just not accepting them and yet, freaks if not with me.

I should have bought some calgon.

Wet

After three very wet storms, I’m really wishing I had bought a mini-van this summer. It’s only November, so I’m guessing this winter is going to be very, very wet.

We may have start wearing floaties to bed.

Photo Done

The holiday photos were taken today… I’m really hoping that one turned out good. I was sent the one that “looks the best” and half of my face is squished into the cuddler. Lala is actually looking at the camera, though. I’m looking forward to seeing the other photos… maybe another one came out.

Thirty years from now, my children will ask why there are so few photos of them as young children and I will have to explain that they refused to sit or stand still for any photo to turn out attractive.

Relaxing Weekend Upcoming

Photos

As the holidays get closer, I’m thinking more and more about the holiday photo card. Yes, I’m one those people… and not only do I send out photos of myself, kids and dog, but I also send them out Thanksgiving weekend. Cheesy and early. Actually, it’s really the only time I have to write out the cards, address them and get stamps to mail them out. Waiting until December means they probably won’t be sent out.

To accomplish this Thanksgiving weekend task, however, means that the photos have to taken, proofed and sent out the the printer soon. At this juncture in time, I have no idea what is going on with the cuddler’s case. Really, I haven’t a clue. I won’t know until late next week, maybe. I can’t wait that long to hold off to have the photos taken.

So the question becomes, do I include the cuddler on the hopes that he will be here for the holidays? Not include him, because he might be gone by then and if he does become a keeper, he won’t know that he was left out for at least another ten years.

I’ve really tried to philosophical and ‘understanding’ about the lack of information regarding his case, but he’s on his 4th CW in 9 months. I live in a poor rural area. It’s not like there is a lot of people moving in and out… even with this economy. Exactly where are these former CW going? And who is replacing them? Or if no one is being replaced… well, I guess that would explain the total lack of information.

Another Meeting

I finally received a letter informing of an upcoming meeting for the cuddler. Hopefully I’ll get more information on his future – I think these past few months of no information has really set me up for an emotional fall. My mind has been moving into “permanent” mode, even though nothing I’ve ever seen or heard has pointed to that direction. The meeting is next week.

In the meantime, it’s been very busy around here. This week is a huge fundraising event (actually 10 days of events!) at work. It’s for a good cause and raises much needed funds… but it’s a lot of work. Last night was a “talent” show in which I performed twice. Sadly, no one recorded it on camera. I had a lot of people tell me that my rendition of Red-Hooded Sweatshirt was quite funny. Tomorrow night is the dessert auction. That’s the event I’m in charge of and I think that I might actually be experienced enough not to freak out this year. At least I haven’t freaked out yet. Tomorrow night I will probably be sweating it out waiting for the donations to show up.

I tried to help out in the dessert donation part by making cookies tonight. I should have known… I cannot make no bake cookies. The whole cooking the sugar for just the right amount of time does not work for me. Even when I have directions, it doesn’t work. I’d post a photo of them, but it’s just too embarrassing. I’ll have to hit the grocery store tomorrow before the auction. Sad.

Long Weekend

It was a busy weekend, as usual… but this coming week will be even busier. Two of our local high schools have a major fundraising competition for the area food banks. It’s a huge deal. Mind blowingly huge. The kind of huge that really should be on the Oprah show. In honor of this fundraiser, I’ll be singing tomorrow night not once, but twice. For the record, I can’t sing. I do, however, love to sing and signing in front of an audience where people will applaud no matter how bad – oh yeah, nothing better.

I’ll be part of team singing Mahnahnahnah and doing red hooded sweatshirt solo.
I am really excited about it. Really. If only I wasn’t so tired… and had so much still on my to do list. Plus, this Wednesday I’m the advisor for another event and even though Wednesday is officially a holiday… I’ll be at work bright eye’d and bushy-tailed at 8 am. Maybe I’m just to tired from today.

Current To-Do List

• Find someone to remove moss from roof
  
• pay bills
  
• figure out if this is water bill month or garbage bill month and pay
  
• pick up mail from post office
  
• weigh in for biggest looser at work; try not to cry
  
• finish cleaning the living room
  
• vacuum
  
• sweep
  
• train the dog not to growl at the kids or stay in another room without going crazy
  
• clean kitchen
  
• finish the laundry, wash new clothes
  
• sleep
  
• hang shelves
  
• make cookies for Wed. benefit
  
• find pink hair spray
  
• wash red hooded sweatshirt?
  
• get milk

maybe I need to prioritize a bit, but still it’s all gotta get done.

11 Days

Is it just me, or do things just seem to going by faster and faster? And I'm getting more and more tired... I think it has to do with the lack of sunlight. We're leaving at dark-thirty every morning and I only see the sun through my classroom windows. Of course, it doesn't help living the rainiest region in the US. I have to say that I am still disgruntled about the moving back of daylight savings time switch over to November. Seriously, only rich Texans with more golf clubs that brain cells needed more "daylight savings".

Halloween happened. I wish I could say that it was the stuff Disney channel movies are made of, but this is real life. Lala wore her costume for approximately five minutes. Once she saw the Cuddler's cheetah outfit, she immediately wanted to be a monkey with a tail. Sadly, we did not have any monkey costumes lying about. The princess dress was doomed from then on. The Cuddler's costume did not make it through daycare. It came home ripped, without a working zipper and covered in chocolate. To be honest, he's grown a bit in the last month and is now fully into 18 month clothes. Anyways, costumes were not really happening. Add that to Lala's incredible shyness with strangers... and Halloween does not translate into one of the top holidays. They did enjoy getting pumpkins, playing in the hay at the pumpkin patch and patiently watched while I carved the pumpkins. Lighting up the pumpkins was pretty cool too! And we all enjoyed the "cookie walk" at the Trunk or Treat at church. Plus they had thousands of Halloween stickers and crayons to make your own treat bags - an activity that Lala happily worked on for nearly 20 minutes, while I chased the cuddler all over the gym. - and the fishing booth resulted in the attainment of two (not one, but two!) bead necklaces.

Ok, on a scale of one to ten - ten being "meanest mom ever!", how bad is it that I gave all the candy the kids got from trick-or-treating the CW's office to the trick-or-treaters who came to our door? They each got a couple of pieces, but they forgot all about the candy by the time we got home (no eating in the car)... so I just never reminded them. 3? 6? 10?

It's On Again!

Tonight, Lala sat on the potty without a diaper on.... and pee'd!!!! I was so shocked!

Since the last attempt, there has been barely any potty sitting and none without diaper on. And while it makes for good lunch time conversation (hey, I work with a bunch of moms...), I really haven't even thought about it. Lala has enough going on to really be worrying about using the potty.

Her court case has been pushed back to Thanksgiving and lots of upheaval has been going on. Much clingyness has ensued and I am praying for all of this end soon.

The cuddler, not to be outdone, also sat on the potty. He thinks it's quite fun and I have high hopes that one day, I too, may brag at the lunch table that potty training was "soooo easy!" In the meantime, he is charming the pants off of everyone and getting cuter by the minute. He gets away with too much by turning on that thousand watt smile.

The Re-Open Window

Maggie is back! Well, for one post anyways... if you haven't visited The Open Window
to read about her journey in adoption, then you need to, especially if you are in the
midst of a long wait. It is inspiring, touching and funny.

In the meantime, please vote for her in the Good Mood Gig contest to get a job!
In this economy any job is worth it - and honestly it's a good way to find a good
blogger with a following. She got into the contest a little late, so she needs to
catch up! Please go vote and urge all your friend too!




Good Mood Gig from SAM-e

Feed the Dog

After telling Lala that she could not feed the dog french fries, she got down
from the bench, picked up the dog bowl and said "doggie hungry!" So cute!

Celebrating Everyday Life is having a giveaway! Check out the super cute
dress that is in the offing! If I only had time to sew... or money to purchase.
Too cute!

Upcoming...

Yesterday I had to attend a class to my teaching credential current.
It's the culimination of a class I took in 2006-2007. Everyone was supposed
to bring a photo that showed the changes in their life since we had last met...
my original photo was a copy of a christmas card I had made of me and my
dog wrapped up in Christmas lights and me with a wine glass in hand.
Contrast that to the one I'll sending out this year and it's quite a change in three years.

Have you noticed the recent backlash against holiday cards? I can't b
elieve the number of people who've told me that they really hate
them... how do you hate a holiday card? I realize that the annual
holiday letter was never a big favorite, but I liked them. Nowadays,
you can simply upload a photo to some site, choose a frame and order
away. They'll even send them out for you if you just upload your address
book. And yet, people seem to think they are this huge bothersome
task that no one appreciates, so why do it all?

Maybe it's just the people I know... Are you planning on sending out holiday
cards? Has the number of cards you received gone down over the years? Is
it just me?

**just wanted to add that this morning we had to stop at WalMart to pick up
mittens before heading out to the pumpkin patch. It was that cold this morning!
Winter is on it's way.

Cuteness Galore

The camera is charged up! We're headed out

to the pumpkin patch tomorrow morning.

I'm obviously more excited than the kids...

Lala doesn't remember going last year (although

she's seen the movies) and the cuddler has never

been. There will be hayrides and pumpkins. Maybe

even spicy cake donuts.

There's been a couple of developments in Lala's court case - not necessarily

positive ones. She'll start visits with BM next week... and I have no idea as to

how they will go over, but I'm worried for her. She's just starting to settle in and

all this chaos returns for her. It also meant that her court date was rescheduled

much later. In the meantime, nothing is going on with the cuddler's case. I

haven't heard from his cw since early in September. So, I guess no news is

good news for now.

Date Night

I left the kids tonight and headed out on a blind date. It lasted an hour.
I looked at my watch three times... yah, that great.

Actually, it wasn't horrible. Just no connection and slightly awkward.
At least I can say I did something without kids this weekend.

Pumpkin patch on Sunday!!!

No Joy in Potty Town

Apparently, last night's potty experience was a little more freaky than I thought. Today, Lala did not want to sit on the potty sans clothing. If there was in peeing while sitting on the potty, it went into the diaper. Also, we had yet another "accident".

This is not going to be easy. Actually, I'm pretty ready to pack it in on the whole thing. I wasn't exactly thrilled about starting now - she just seemed to be wanting to do it. Asking to sit on the toilet, etc. I guess, she just never figured on pee actually coming out. Oh well... maybe next month.

We did it!

Today I had my first mammogram. I had prepared myself for a long waiting room wait, as is usual in this town... but I was out of there in there in 30 minutes. So now that's done and I've hit another mark of the aged... later in the afternoon I got a new haircut that apparently makes me look ten years younger.

We also had another first tonight. Lala went peepee in the potty!!! She was a little freaked out about it to be honest. Is she ready? I think I've given up on finding a definitive sign. Suffice to say that she really likes sitting on the potty, wiping and flushing the toilet, so what the heck. If she doesn't really want to do it, she won't. Tonight she sat on the new pink potty for nearly an hour. Apparently, it's very comfortable, especially with mommy sitting next to you reading story after story. Anyways, I was about to give up - actually, I did give up because it was bed time - and was in the bathroom starting the good night routine when Lala suddenly stood up and say "ahhhh!" while peeing. She is still shocked by the construct of peeing. I sat her back down, trying to keep her calm and not get upset by the pool of pee surrounding her. She was really thirsty today and had several cups of water and milk, so when I say pool, I mean pool.

After we got everything cleaned up, I grabbed the camera. I wish I could post the photo of her proud "big girl" smile. Hopefully, tomorrow it will be just as cool to peepee in the potty.

We're into it, I guess...

Tonight I ordered a potty, a doll that wets and pull-ups. If anything, I'm hoping that Lala gets the connection between drinking and peeing or decides that pull-ups are cool, because diapers are NOT.

Yeah, I had to order them from Amazon because I don't actually have time to go to the store. How crazy does your life have to be when you can't find time to go to WalMart?

What she can do now

This morning, while putting Lala into her car seat, it suddenly dawned on me how much she's changed in just the few months she's been with me. It's kind of amazing, when I think about it.

• She now knows many animal names and can tell you what they sound like.
• She definitely knows "ABCD" and will join in at various points if someone is singing the ABC song.
• Knows to say "please" and "thank you"
• Can flush the potty and is not scare of it!
• Can identify body parts in English and French
• Can go down a slide by herself
• Knows the difference between "river", "harbor" and "ocean"
• Knows the difference between "bus" and "camper" (large RV)... yah, we live near a resort area.
• Knows what a hamper is and will put her dirty clothes in it.
• Will attempt to clean up anything she spills by herself.
• Can get undressed by herself.
• learned how to whisper when the baby is asleep
• knows that shoes have a right way and a wrong way - the wrong way feels yucky
• If the baby wanders too far down the hall during church, she will go find him and lead him back.
• Will fold her arms when told it's time for the prayer
• wants to brush her teeth every night

We're still working on vocabulary, coloring and few other things. It still stuns me on somethings she's apparently never heard of - that look of utter confusion. Like "cow" or "chicken" or "prayer" (didn't her bm tell the SW that they went to church twice a week?) And potty training is looming. She loves to flush the toilet. She likes to run around without a diaper on. She'll even sit on the toilet, purely at her own request. But she has yet to actually use the toilet for it's designated purpose. Yesterday we tried on a pair of "big girl panties" (just to see what it felt like) and she hated them. I don't know if it was because they hadn't been washed (fresh out of the package) or if she had to actually pee and decided that they weren't a diaper. Right after that She asked for a diaper to be put on.

I think the whole potty training conundrum on my part stems from a whole behavior conundrum. I spend a significant amount of time trying to figure out what is normal two year old behavior and what is adjustment behavior. We're averaging at least two temper tantrums a night... which is pretty typical for a two year old. One is always because the baby gets a bottle before going to bed, but she has to stop drinking at 6pm. Otherwise her diaper will leak in the middle of night... believe me, I've tried them all. I'm sure from her point of view, the baby is getting something she's not. However, in a regular family situation the siblings just have to get over it. Lala has only been the older sibling not even for two months. I can't get all logical with a two year old, but neither can I convince her that anything that big girls get is better at that moment. So is the tantrum stemming from a recent past where scarcity of food may have been an issue? Or is it due to usual two year old logic that "everything is mine and noone gets anything I don't get first, because it's all mine?" It's all a learning process, isn't it?

Ouchies

Tonight was not Lala's night. Somehow she snagged a cheap picture frame off of a shelf in the living, ran into the cuddler's room, hid under the crib and ripped it apart, injuring her index finger in the process. Then she discover thant mommy will not place an endless supply of band-aids on said injury after you pull it off repeatedly. An hour later she slipped and hit her mouth on the side of the tub. Luckily, the cuddler was nearly in bed, so she did get to sit on mommy's lap for about an hour afterwards, while occassionally holding a bag of frozen peas to her mouth.

Somehow I managed to get through 2008 without a single injury for Lala and now that 2009 is coming to a close she's decided to make up for lost time.

Home Visit and School Visit

Tomorrow is my final home visit for the home study. I'm predicting
that the homestudy report will be done just before my fingerprints to
expire. Hopefully, that means I will not have to do them again! It
will be such a relief to have everything done!

Last night was our school open house. My babysitter crapped out on me
at the last minute, and I could not find another. Every back up
already had plans - two were planning on actually attending said Open
House. So, as any good single mom, I brought them with me. All was
well until the third group of parents. By then Lala was comfortable
and the cuddler had run into his second wind. While I was trying
explain the class requirements to parent, I had a little boy sitting
in a stroller chattering away (or rather "bok-ing" away... he really
does sound like a chicken trying to lay an egg!) and a little girl
rolling on the floor under my feet saying "momma" over and over.
Luckily, the scene reminded all the parents of when their children
were young AND those were happy memories. I know it was certainly
memorable for me!

New Room

Over Labor Day weekend, my family installed a new laminate floor in the spare/storage room. It was completely cleaned out and made ready for a new occupant... the cuddler. It was easier to move the crib than the bed that Lala is in. Plus, if the cuddler goes home, it will be easier to turn that room into a playroom. Does anyone remember when children did not need a "playroom"? Well, I don't know how they did it - because I feel like I'm drowning in a tidal wave of toys! Lala only got a few new ones for her birthday and it's still overwhelming. Anyways, the room was completed and it is awesome to have the space. Now the kids can actually run around without crashing into anything else.

That weekend also meant trying to figure out what to do with the kids. The only safe space for them was a blocked off living room where they tripped over each other and got into hair-pulling fights. Not fun. Instead we went to the zoo, for the entire day. And when we got home, no new floor. Crap. Next day, church for three hours. No new floor. Double crap! Labor Day itself - thankyoujeasus! the children's museum is open! New floor done. I wonder if I can claim the $100 I spent keeping the kids occupied as part of total cost of the floor for tax purposes?

The next day, school started. I fell asleep about 10 minutes after getting the kids in bed every night. On Thursday we were running out of fresh food and I was dreaming of grocery shopping. I knew how exhausting the start of school is for me... but somehow I always think I'll do better.

Saturday we went to the parade for the local festival. Lala was very scared of the motorcycle drill team and I had to teacher how to cover her ears when there is a loud noise, but the kids really liked it. At least, the cuddler sat in his stroller the whole time without screaming to get out... which is a good sign. Luckily, he has experienced candy at my house because the frickin' clowns kept trying to give the cuddler tootsie rolls. Who gives a baby tootsie rolls? Lala won't take anything from a stranger, so all the candy ended up in the diaper bag for mommy to give away at school. Perhaps I should start thinking about plans for Halloween... Lala won't talk in front of strangers, so I'm think that saying "trick or treat" 10 to 15 times might be a bit difficult.

Moving Along

First, I talked myself out of the new car. I really do not need one and I may need that car payment money sooner than I thought.

This morning was the meeting with Lala's CW. TPR has been filed and has a court date in Nov. Her BM is MIA. No BF was ever identified. This means that the court notices have to be published for several weeks in a newspaper. For this means, I need to get cracking on that adoption homestudy (still haven't had 2nd meeting with AW) and probably find a lawyer. Having never been this far in the process I'm a little unsure as to what I need to do right now. Probably a good question for the AW.

In the meantime, I'm trying to clear out my "sewing"/storage room for the cuddler. Seriously, we are all happier when he has a lot room to run around in and it will start raining in a matter of weeks. One of the joys of this are is rain from October to May. Like, non-stop rain. While finding new homes for all the stuff is a challenge, the floors in that room are going to be even more so. They are wood, but not in good shape. In fact, I think one spot may actually have mildew in the wood... I'm waiting for the ONE wood floor guy in county to call me back about re-doing them. Hopefully, it's something I can actually afford. Prices in this area are kinda steep and since he's the ONLY guy in the entire county who does this, he's probably more than a little pricey. And if it is mildew issue, I can't just carpet over it.

In the meantime, I'll be working on finding more storage in a house that doesn't really have any. I think I'm going to try to create a faux built in the living room to store books and such. Or at least coral all the toys... I'm already wondering how I will be able to handle Christmas toys.

New Car

For our camping trip last weekend, I rented a small SUV. Man... it was so much more roomier than my current compact car. It felt open and breezy. I could fit the new double stroller in the back, and put other stuff there too! In the same back space! The only thing I didn't like about it was that the driver could (and did!) lock the keys in the car. Luckily, the rental company could unlock it remotely, but that's still a problem for me.

I lock myself out of tons of stuff all the time. My house, my classroom, etc. I would be really screwed if my car wasn't configured to make it nearly impossible to lock without keys being in your hand.

Anyhoo, I'm really loving the idea of having this small SUV. Enough that I actually looked it up on Costco and made an appointment to look for one (did you know that you can buy a car via Costco? It apparently knocks several thousands of dollars off the price... they wouldn't tell me how many, but rumor has it that it is a big number in car salesman speak), plus the sales people are desperate for a sale. I've been trying to talk myself out of it for the past three days. As someone who will soon be paying over $500/mo for daycare, it seems like a rather silly move to put myself in debt. Plus, who knows if I'll have a job next year? Please, help me pray for strength to resist. I really want a new car.

The Cuddler

He's still here... even if he's been slightly overshadowed by Lala on the blog. He's a firecracker, that one.

His favorite toy is plastic shape-sorter box. No, he can't put the shapes in, but he does like to carry it around shaking the shapes inside. So far in the past two weeks, he's fallen while dragging it around and hit his chin on it creating a rather nasty looking bruise and another one just above his belly button. Today, he shirt was removed at day care (super hot!) and when I picked him up, we discovered a block shaped bruise on his back. He is such a boy! I'm documenting all the falls, but my poor calendar is getting full.

I can picture him in another five years with permantely scabbed knees, surrounded by random mechanical parts as he tries to put his bike back together. He will, of course, still have that little elvish grin that melts even the hardest heart.

Sick Day

Yesterday, Lala threw up at day care. I picked her up and she seemed a little down, but otherwise fine. We all came home and had naps and then dinner. Lala did not eat, but then again, she hasn't eaten dinner for the last three days (breakfast, lunch and snack are all eaten)... so, was it because she was sick or because she just wasn't hungry?

This morning we dropped the baby off at daycare and took off to the beach. She has never been and I figured it would be something fun to do rather than sitting around the hot house all day. The waves on the beach scared her, but she had no problem in walking through the little streams or pointing out every fragment of sand dollar she saw. We also examined a small jellyfish and the difference between various animal tracks, including our own. It must have been exciting because she fell asleep on the way home. I wish I had taken photos, but I was so excited to show her the beach, I never got it out of the car. Plus, with a child and dog, I didn't really have a free hand. For those who are wondering, dry sand "hurt", but wet sand was just fine.

Change of Seasons

Since this area really only has two seasons... dry and wet, I figure I can set my own change dates. We returned from my family's annual reunion last night. Surprising, the cuddler made pretty good progress for sitting in the car all day. I think it's because Lala was in the back seat with him and could be entertaining when she wanted. Also, I rented a larger vehicle (a CR-V) for the trip, so they weren't so packed in. I'm really thinking about buying a CR-V. It was comfortable, did pretty good on gas milage and had tons of room.

Last week I had a meeting with some of Lala's people and it looked like they were planning on her being here permantly. I told my mother, who immediately got excited and asked why I wasn't... because we all know how this rollercoaster rides, don't we? This morning I heard a rumor that a wrench was thrown into the works. Does this mean a change in plans? Will we all soldier on with the first plan? Once again, I find myself in the unknown. Fun, fun.

Names

I've been thinking about Lala's real name. It's not a name I normally would have chosen... but is sort of a family name. It's definitely not a popular name with this generation (which isn't necessarily a bad thing) and does have somewhat ethnic connotation. Is that a good thing or bad? I'm not sure... names are tough. For the rest of her life, every application, resume and business card will introduce her with that name and all of it's baggage.

Which then leads to the whole thought process about changing a child's name after adoption. Is it the right thing to do? Is the child loosing something important or is a name just a name? If the child was named after a grandfather who was a child abuser/alcholic, is it still an important family tie? What if the name is crazy, like 'Formica' or 'baby boy'? Those are real names!

It's hard to know what is the right thing to do.

Long Weekend

Man, with two children under two (or just passed it), I am exhausted
by the time Sunday night rolls around. To much screaming, crying and
general toy fighting. I have to come up with a new plan or I may just
go insane.

Lala turned two on Friday and celebrated by saying over 400 times that
day. We also had cake with her older sisters. Or at least they did...
I was too bust trying to keep the cuddler from running behind the
counter and into the bread overs. That kid is so goal oriented!

Weekend Recovery

most common phrase spoken this weekend: "Did you poop?"
second most common phrase spoken this weekend: "Get back in the bed."

It was a loooooooonnnnnnnggg weekend. Not that I'm complaining - this is what I signed up for and desperately wanted... I just wanted it without so much poop.

What a difference a day makes...

Slowly getting used to having two kids. Yesterday I saw a woman walking down the street with three kids under five and couldn't understand how any one could sign up for that kind of punishment... yep, getting used to having two.

Lala is sleeping through the night and now has a bed rail to keep from falling out of bed. Yesterday she didn't even start her bedtime screaming until she was actually in the bed - it's a definite improvement sign.

Or it could be that it's finally starting to cool down. Two days of nearly 100 degree heat in a town that almost never goes above 70 has the baby all discontent. Of course, we don't have AC - why bother for the three days a year when it's over 80 degrees - I survived NYC with out one for many summers. Of course, I was an adult in NYC from a relatively hotter climate, not an infant who has only experienced cool weather.

In the meantime, Lala's stay has been extended, as I'm sure many of you knew would happen. It's possible that her stay will be permanent. I'm cautiously optimistic, but given the ups and downs so far, it's hard to get excited.

Tired... very tired.

Lala isn't sleeping through the night. Not that I blame her, but this means that the cuddler isn't either. But we are starting to get a routine in place for going to bed and she didn't fall out of the bed at all (she did twice the first night) - she and cuddler share a bedroom and it's been a bit difficult with her screaming at the top of her lungs when she gets into bed. Which wakes the cuddler up and then they're both screaming... and the cycle begins again at around 2 am. I'm hoping this will lessen soon. I've gotten nothing done for the past two days trying catch up on sleep while the "kids" are in day care.

Yah... they're in two different daycares. Lala is going to one about 20 miles away so that she can see her siblings every day. I didn't realize what a huge time suck it would be when I agreed to it. It's like half my morning gone. Or maybe just my fuzzy lack of sleep logic.

About the baby - I'm not going to get her. I have to assume that she's gone to another family. It's disappointing, but I couldn't say no to Lala. After hearing everything from the foster family she was with for a couple of days and the case worker, it's obvious that having someone who knows her is much, much better for her. Her personality and the things she's experienced, even at the ripe old age of nearly two, make her more than a little confounding.

Busy Day

Well, things have settled down for the next hour or so... Lala will be arriving tonight. Apparently she's been in care since Friday at another foster home, claiming that they couldn't reach me.

Right now, the placement is for two weeks. That's right, two weeks. I can't really go into detail, but lets just say that Lala's parents aren't necessarily bad people, just people who make dumb, dumb choices. And while I want to be there for Lala, I can't help feeling a bit scammed. A two week placement is like walking around the casino and a placement where they tell you "it WILL likely be a termination" is placing an actual bet.

I'm also a bit worried about Lala. There are some things that the current foster mom told that while not suprising, seemed to have escalated. I realize that we will never truly know how psychological trauma and neglect will affect a child or for how long, but I have to wonder if she was doing great 8 months ago while in my care and now not so much even though "everyone is doing great!" what the heck is really going on when there is no one watching.

Holy Crap!

So, I just posted just 30 minutes ago and things may have changed again!

Apparently, Lala is coming back into care and they want to place her back with me. Conference call at 3pm to get more information. I am so confused!

Seriously, anyone reading this - if you had a child who was returned home and then placed back with after 8 months, please leave me any advice you can think of... like, will she remember me? Will she be angry with me? Will she just be angry? (duh...) What should I do with her to make sure she feels comfortable? Should I still get a crib? She'll be two next month, when do you switch to toddler beds? How big will she be? Will she get along with the baby? She is the baby of her family... now she'll be the oldest.

I am heartbroken that she is coming back into care. I mean, I love her with all my heart and will be thrilled to see her, but not at this cost.

Ok, now I really do need to clean the house because I can't thinking and walking around trying to figure out what needs to be done first.

OMG! OMG!

Could this be it?

I just got a call from the placement co-ordinator asking if I was interested in having a newborn infant placed with me... one that will probably be going to termination (this is the ONLY time anyone has EVER said this me!) and, in fact, the adoption worker had suggested my name as a placement option.

I am quitely freaking out.

The infant is currently in the hospital, possibly in the PICU... but the PC didn't call it that and really, he was talking too fast for me to get all the information written down. There will be a meeting with the CW to go over all the information, hopefully before the placement? OMG... I really know nothing about this child! (this would be the freaking out part!)

Can I handle what is going on with this child? This totally changes my plans for the next year for work - as in, there is no way I can do National Boards. Luckily, something has kept me from filling out all the paperwork and paying for anything. I wonder if I can get a refund on the money I've spent for co-hort class, even though it started already? Will I be able to get back into the pro-cert program? I have to do something in order to keep my job... and option two is waaaaayyyy easier.

Where am I going to fit another crib? Where am I going to get another crib? Shit, I have to buy another car seat? I wonder the Cuddler can move into the other car seat I have? I think he's still too little... ok, just checked and he's just made it past the cut off (or past it depending on who is doing the weighing). Can I do too babies? What about the dog? She is not going to be happy. I should probably clean up the living room (or giant toy box as it should be known). What if the baby needs a hermetically sealed house? Seriously, I am not that clean. What if the baby has to be fed through a ng tube or something every two hours? Where does one even find day care for such a child? Should I take materity leave? I have like a month of sick time built up... I wonder if I can use it? I may have an excuse to buy that minivan now!

There are about a million things running through my head at the moment and I can NOT reach my mother by phone! She is my medical encyclopedia and I can't even figure out which unit the baby is in because the PC doesn't use the same terminology as they do on TV.

Good and Bad Days

We all have them... some days it's enough just to see the cuddler's sweet smile and that way he puts his hand under his chin and tilts his head when looking at you and nothing else matters. My gosh it's so cute, it's overwhelming. Then there are days when you realize that this may be the last time you see that look, because he doesn't do it all the time and one day he could be gone. I hate those days.

After the meeting with the CW last week, I was having one of those bad days. I know there is no comparison between placements, but I kept comparing the Cuddler to Lala. Where she was this time last year and where will the cuddler be coming November... should I start saving up for Christmas presents? Lala's are still sitting in the storage room from last year... I guess I'll donate them this year. Or if the Cuddler is still here, maybe he can "give" them away to someone else.

I tell myself that I have to just go with the flow and not try to figure out what's going happen next... that it's an exercise in futility and saddness, but I'm here I am, still keeping one foot in reality and the other in fantasy.

secrets of the clothesline

I've written about the joys of my clothesline before... how green it is, how it saves me tons of money (seriously at least $20/mo.), yadda, yadda. I didn't, however, really know how to work it... I mean, it's a clothesline right? Pin the clothes to the line and let the wind do the work. How hard is that? Except the underwear question. No one wants their underwear hanging out for everyone to spy.

I know you are thinking, lord-luv-a-duck, could you not figure it out on your own? And I couldn't. It wasn't until I attended an OSPI conference session led by an Australian using the book The Terrible Underpants (which is hysterical, by the way). While an amusing story, the speaker also described how in Australia, where everyone uses a clothesline, the underwear are hung in the center of the Outdoor Clothes Dryer while the sheets or large towels are hung on the outer line so that all undergarments are hidden from street view.

Never even occurred to me before.

Birthday Party

The birthday party was quite a success! It rained, so BBQ was out, but the food was still good - at least, there was none left over... so it must have been good.

Although the guests got a lovely chocolate cake with custard filling, the cuddler got plain old pound cake. I did make it look like his own bathtub duckie, which was recieved with a smile. It turned out pretty good looking if I do say so myself. Maybe I should try to become a cake carver?

I wish I could post the "after" photos, because someone was covered with yellow frosting.

The big present... a fire truckwith a small motor. If the cuddler ever figures out how to actually push the button to drive it, I may have a heart attack. I'm thinking that when the battery runs down, I might just leave it run down. This, however, will mean that I have to push the darned thing around the yard.

Homestudy Meeting #1

Was finally done! I'm amazed!

It was much more in depth than my homestudy for China and a bit more personal... I was a little unprepared for that, but it's done.

Hopefully, number 2 will be done before the end of the month.

Homestudy

I was going to post this evening all about my first homestudy meeting - the one I've been waiting and waiting for - and, of course, something came up and it was canceled. Of course it was.

I'm working very hard not to become jaded about this... and to be honest, I just had to shake my head and laugh this morning when the appointment was canceled. Because it was just too good to be true.

Maybe I'm being tested for some upcoming challenge that will drive a normal person crazy?

Summertime and we're so full of energy!

Well, at least one of us is...

The last few weeks of school, I was knocked out by some kind of weird illness. I had to give up coffee, anything with sugar or aspartame and eat every 3 hours to stave off waves of nausea. Every one kept asking me if I was pregnant. I told them that sperm does not live that long and I had no visits from angels.

I also started getting these hiddeously painful headaches. Actually it was one headache that seemed to last for almost three weeks. Through process of elimination, I've decided that my neck is somehow causing the problem. I couldn't get an appointment for the chiropractor until the coming week, so I've been spending a lot of time laying on the floor to help with the pressue.

Of course, none of this has affected the cuddler at all. He's practicing his walking all over the place and luckily getting much better so no large bruises. He's also spending quite a bit of time outside - he still doesn't like grass, but sitting on a blanket is quite entertaining for him. His mother seems to be getting it together, so I'm trying to prepare myself for him to going home soon. It seems like I'm stuck going no where with this whole adoption thing and I'm really starting to consider just giving up. I can't make it happen and every where I turn it just another road-block and delay.

Summer Time

Last night someone had his first taste of strawberry ice cream! Apparently, it was a hit because there was a lot of lip smacking and whining when it was all gone. I'll have to remember that because a first birthday party is coming up soon!

 

Sadly, that's something I never got to experience with Lala. All thin liquids (including popsicles and ice cream) were strictly forbidden because the aspiration issues. As far as I know, she still hasn't outgrown it. She did like chocolate cake though... :)

Food

I just wanted to update you that the "baby lasagna" was and is a hit. It freezes beautifully and reheats better than the original. Seriously, it is a great idea.  Also, the chicken nuggets were a hit as well. I knew they would be, given than the Cuddler loves chicken, but apparently fried is even better.

 

He had his monthly visit with the CW last week and I'm starting to plan for him to go home just before Christmas. The hints she was dropping gave me the idea that this was likely. I trying to put all the doom and gloom out of my mind and remain positive. Of course, I do have this "non-specific anxiety issue"... which means whenver anything goes wrong I immediately think it's the end of the world. As long as I don't think too far into the future or ponder the fact that apparently, I'm meant to live in uncertainty, it's ok.

 

 

The Zoo!

Today the Cuddler and I went to the Zoo. He's a little too young, but the weather is gorgeous and it's a holiday weekend... so why not. Most of the animals weren't all that exciting to the Cuddler, but he did really like the underwater viewing of the beluga whale. It kept swimming in circles that included a rub of the window we stood at. And someone got over his dislike of grass enough to play on the big lawn for a while.

The area we live in is fairly rural. The zoo is a bit of drive away, but really not that bad. Heck, I commuted longer when I lived in NY. Sadly, most of my students have never left this area. They've never been a mall full of stores - our local "mall" (and I use that term loosely) is nearly empty. They've never been to a zoo, museum or seen a ballet. Although he's only 10 months old, the Cuddler has visited the zoo. We've been to the mall (he wasn't impressed). I think, however, we'll wait another month or so before hitting a museum. A few more years before the ballet.

Baby Lasagna

The other day I found a great baby vegitarian lasagna recipe... and it claimed to freeze well. Since The Cuddler isn't quite up to eating the same thing as me, I'm always wondering what to feed him for dinner. Plus he loves pasta.

 

The lasagna is made in a muffin tin. No lasagna noodles (does that mean it's not really a lasagna?), but there is the layering of foods. I used tiny seashell pasta and layered it with the sauce. The sauce was pretty basic. Tomato paste, chicken broth with grated carrot and zuchini. Even at baby stage we're sneaking those extra vegis in. Plus the zuchini was from garden last year, so I'm nearly self-sufficient! The sauce is layer with the past and some full-milk ricotta and mozzarella.

 

It was a little bland for me, but judging from the amount of sauce in the Cuddler's hair, it was a success. Tonight we'll be thawing out a frozen "cupcake"'s worth to try it from the freezer.

Adoption Homestudy

My prediction of getting the adoption homestudy done sometime in 2010 might just be true. I received an email today letting me know that it's possible that we may just get started in June.

At this point, I'm really hoping that this will be done before I my fingerprints expire- We're down to 10 months left on those expiring little suckers. Sadly, while the card may expire, my "porey" hard to get fingerprints won't actually change. Seriously, wouldn't it make more sense to dispense with the 12 month rule (saving the state millions) and instead have a computer flag a foster parent's liscense if they're convicted of a crime? Maybe alert the liscensor?

To Tell or Not To Tell

This Sunday, the Cuddler and I sat next to someone we hadn't met before... she remarked on how cute he was and how beautiful his eyes were and then said "he looks just like his mom!" For a moment I was a bit taken aback... because he does look his mom, who is not me. For about 15 seconds I was thinking "oh crap! did she recognize him? Is there going to be a scene?" before realizing that she was talking about me. Then I tried not to laugh because seriously, the Cuddler doesn't look a thing like me other than skin color - we're both pasty white. Then again, given that we live in an area where the sun shines less than a third of the year, almost everyone is pale and pasty.

I haven't told anyone at the church that the Cuddler isn't "my" child. I haven't been attending there for very long and when I walked in with him, many just made assumptions. I'm pretty sure that many believe I have a husband at home as well (a "church avoider"). No one ever asked and while there are people who do know, I'm guessing they're not gossipers.

How do you broach the subject with people who are aquaintences, but not really "friends"? Really it's none of their business and I don't want to breach the Cuddler's confidentiality by labeling him, especially if I do end up adopting him. Then again, am I "hiding" this information like it's something to be ashamed of... ?

Another funny story... I was talking to someone at the daycare about the Cuddler's huge feet. Like clown feet, is this kid. The consensus was that he's going to be very tall. Then her significant other asked "how tall is his dad?" as I was leaving and before I even thought about it I replied "couldn't tell ya" and walked out the door. Yah. I'm thinking someone went home scratching his head.

Food

The Cuddler is well into solid foods. In fact, he's almost refusing to eat babyfood... at least if someone else is trying to feed it too him. He's just starting to use a spoon - without much dexterity - but won't use a plate or bowl. They end up on the floor rather quickly.  The daycare has also reported that he often "feeds the dog" at lunch time (dropping food off the highchair tray and watching for the dog to eat it). At least at home, there actually is a dog so my mess is less.

 

Now that we're fully into the solid food stage, every night is a conundrum to figure out what to serve without too much crazieness or work. For myself, I'm a haphazard cook. I rarely see the meal as worth the dishes to complete it and sans child pretty much stick to frozen meals or random snacks. But I am trying to change that. Someone in my family has to have good eating habits and it might as well be the Cuddler.

 

I signed up for e-mealz just see if that would help. Basically, every week I download a new weekly menu with a shopping list. It's supposed to help with meal planning and food budgeting. While I don't follow it every day, it has made meal planning a little easier. As for the budget part, well some weeks are really cheap and others, not so much.

 

Last night was "spicy sloppy joes". I cooked the meat without the spices for the baby, but did leave the onions in for him. He also had his favorite (not!) green beans. Or rather, the dog had green beans. The dog's health is great by the way.

 

Tonight is home-made chicken nuggets with carrots. The cuddler does like carrots and loves chicken, so the dog might just have to settle for dog food.

10 Months Old

Tomorrow the cuddler will be 10 months old. He's standing up and squating down quite well, but still no walking. He's fully satisfied to walk on his knees or crawl where ever he needs to be. This has already caused him some consternation as one does have to touch the grass to crawl across it. You have to laugh when watching him balance on his hienny while desperately trying not to let any skin come into contact with the dreaded green stuff.

I also cannot convince him to drink out of a sippy cup for love or money. (ok, I never offered him money...) He's much more interested in dumping it out all over the place. He doesn't care about juice, water or even formula. He's also not that interested in drinking out of cups... I'm just dreading as to what is going to happen when the "ba-bas" have to go in a couple of months. Any ideas?

Another Month Gone By

Just another Saturday - that makes 25 months on the slow boat to China.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, it's raining again. We had a week of really gorgeous weather. It was so warm that I actually wore just a sweater to work, instead of the usual lon-johns-and-turtleneck-plus-a-coat-just-case outfit. Yes, it's really that cold almost all year 'round. Luckily, I stocked up warmer clothes for the cuddler. Otherwise he'd be freezing in sleeveless t-shirts and shorts... because that's all the stores are carrying. (and what is up with the fact that there are NO nice baby clothes for boys? No boy under the age of 4 needs anything but a onesie and jeans? Seriously wrong).

The cuddler won't be going anywhere soon. Apparently there aren't any relative placements in the works currently. So our vacation plans are off and running again. We'll be heading someplace warm (and get to wear those shorts!) and I'm literally counting down the days. It's also looking like there will be no summer school this year, so I'll have the whole thing off! It is a pay cut, but after this year, I soooo need the break from teenagers.

oh yeah! The cuddler is standing by himself! This may mean a summer camping trip!!! Walking babies are so much easier to camp with... trust me on this. Especially if you don't have an RV.

Cute Baby!

The other day, the cuddler and I were at the grocery store. As we neared the end of an aisle, I saw a gentleman quickly walking past - obviously trying to shop as quickly as possible. As he passed the aisle we were in, he screeched to a stop, turned around and said "cute baby!" and then speed off for the produce section.

A drive by compliment!

A Visit

Lat week, we had a visit with the cuddler's CW. Not much new information, but it's possible that a relative placement may have been found... apparently, this CW is sit back and wait for someone to tell me what's going on because "otherwise I can't be bothered" kind of person. The actual words she used were "I heard a rumor last week, but no one has contacted me with an update". Did I mention that every single thing this office does is completely compartmentalized? I can tell you that basically the CW is responsible for making sure that the cuddler is alive and well. Everything else is handled by someone else. Seriously.

This news isn't entirely welcome. I've always known that the cuddler was "temporary" but as time has gone by and no family member stepped up or appeared to motivated to do anything, I kinda let my mind think about the possibility of his staying. I suppose I should have kept myself on the fence for several more months.

Of course, it doesn't help that I keep reading blogs about people who find out rather quickly that they'll get to adopt their first placement. Seriously, isn't there anyone who rode the merry-go-round several times before striking it lucky?

I'm still on the list for a homestudy sometime near the beginning of the appocalypse. At least now I get to call every week to check on list. I can't decide if this means I'm moving up or what.

how many posts in this blog titled "waiting"?

I just got off the phone with the adoption worker assigned to me... I'm still at the bottom of the list for the homestudy. Call back next week. Apparently, the glacier is frozen in place.

 

In the meantime, the cuddler continues to do well. His last check up showed that he getting very tall (with his gianormous feet you had to figure...), keeping up his weight and doing everything he should be doing. His is supposed to have a visit tomorrow (after nearly a month of none) and then a visit with his CW. At least I got a email about it today, instead of hearing about it afterwards.

random questions

1. First thing you wash in the shower?
my hands
2. What color is your favorite hoodie?
grey - they're all grey
3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
no.
4. Do you plan outfits?
sort of - I try not to miss-match and generally only wear my fav combo of green and red during the holiday season
5. How are you feeling RIGHT now?
relaxed
6. What's the closest thing to you that's red?
the scarf on my grizzly bear christmas ornament/computer montior topper
7. Tell me about the last dream you remember having?
I dream a lot, but don't really put effort into remembering unless it's really weird... like the time I a co-worker borrow my foot for her medical school disection assignment.
8. Did you meet anybody new today?
Luckily, no. But it's only the middle of the day. Usually all new students are dumped into my afternoon class.
9. What are you craving right now?
Lunch. I forgot to bring on.
10. Do you floss?
Yeah, but not as much as I should.
11. What comes to mind when I say cabbage?
cabbage rolls and soup
12. Are you emotional?
Yes.
13. Have you ever counted to 1,000?
no.
14. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it?
lick.
15. Do you like your hair?
yes, if it could only hold onto the dye for more than a week.
16. Do you like yourself?
most of the time
17. Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush?
eww. NO.
18. What are you listening to right now?
Students wandering into their classes.
19. Are your parents strict?
I know they like to think they were, but not really.
20. Would you go sky diving?
no. I didn't find paraponting that exciting, so I'm thinking that I wouldn't find sky diving that great either.
21. Do you like cottage cheese?
honestly, it's been so long since I've tried it, I really don't know.
22. Have you ever met a celebrity?
depends on what you mean by celebrity... do politicians count? The notorious?
23. Do you rent movies often?
well, I pay for Netflicks every month but I've had one movie sitting on my shelf for about 3 months.
24. Is there anything sparkly in the room you're in?
the snowman being built by the grizzly bear of the aforementioned christimas ornament.
25. How many countries have you visited?
7?
26. Have you made a prank phone call?
yes - hasn't everyone?
27. Ever been on a train?
many, many times. I like trains, it's a great way to travel.
28. Brown or white eggs?
brown
29.Do you have a cell-phone?
of course
30. Do you use chap stick?
rarely
31. Do you own a gun?
a water gun (actually two)
32. Can you use chop sticks?
yes
33. Who are you going to be with tonight?
the baby
34. Are you too forgiving?
I think no.
35. Ever been in love?
maybe
36. What is your best friend(s) doing tomorrow?
going to work
37. Ever have cream puffs?
yes, once.
38. Last time you cried?
last night during that humane society commercial
39. What was the last question you asked?
what day will you all be here? (the seniors are a little sketchy when you have less than a month to go.
40. Favorite time of the year?
summer - because I'm freezing the rest of the year.
41. Do you have any tattoos?
yes
42. Are you sarcastic?
Is the Pope a Catholic?
43. Have you ever seen The Butterfly Effect?
no - doesn't that have Ashton Kutcher? I dislike his acting.
44. Ever walked into a wall?
yes, about 30 minutes ago
45. Favorite color?
pink
46. Have you ever slapped someone?
yes, but not lately
47. Is your hair curly?
flat as a pancake. It's nearly impossible to get a curl.
48. What was the last CD you bought?
I do itunes
49. Do looks matter?
apparently so.
50. Could you ever forgive a cheater?
no
51. Is your phone bill sky high?
no. I'm cheap like that.
52. Do you like your life right now?
at times - the adoption thing is very frustrating
53. Do you sleep with the TV on?
sometimes.
54. Can you handle the truth?
it depends what we're being honest about.
55. Do you have good vision?
Lord-luv-a-duck no! I'm nearly blind
56. Do you hate or dislike more than 3 people?
not really. I tend to forget about them after a week or so.
57. Do you talk on the phone a lot?
no - I've actually come to really dislike it.
58. The last person you held hands with?
can't remember... how sad is that?
59. What are you wearing?
jeans, turtleneck and fleece pull-over. my standard work outfit thanks to the near incessant cold air blowing in from the "heater".
60.What is your favorite animal?
dog
61. Where was your default picture taken at?
The Courtyard
62. Can you hula hoop?
I used to...
63. Do you have a job?
at the moment. Although I've been assured that it is unlikely that I will be RIF'd the state legislature did away with the initiative that pays for me...
64. What was the most recent thing you bought?
Books, of course
65. Have you ever crawled through a window?
more than once.

Time...

Today I was asked to another child - I have the room, the kid walks, so I could handle it and the weather is nice enough to kick the dog out of house much more. I even have a new vacuum to get all that floating dog hair (shedding!!!)... and I had to say no. Why?

On Wed. I have to mail in a very important project for work. One that has an strict deadline and I'm not finished. It even has three pages of instructions on how to mail it! It's a commitment and I've spent a lot of time working on it. If it's not perfected and mailed by Wed. all that work is worthless. A new child and this deadline may just drive me crazy. It's two days away. Two stinking days... but they can't plop the kid in a spot for two days, obviously.

It's such a fine line to walk. On the one hand I have to keep my life going. I can't stop living my life. At the same time, I feel like most of the time I get calls for children exactly when something is already going on (out of town conference, major project, toilet explosion, etc.), where I just have to say "not now" and then spend the next two weeks wondering if that was one.

Happy Easter!

I wish I could post the Easter photos, but you'll just have to take my word for it... they're very cute! Everyone loved the Easter togs - especially the little argyle sweater vest.

Two Years

On March 29th, I officially hit the two year mark of waiting. It seems a little low when compared to those who are up in the thirties...

Following China

I still follow China on periphery level. Rumor Queen is in my blog reader and occasionally I get an email from my agency, but I haven't even read a group or forum post in months. What's the point? Do I really need to know which Kai Lan video is great? Honestly, if my LID day wasn't written on a piece of something in my paperwork folder, I'd forget what it is.

In the meantime, I'm still waiting to start homestudy number three. I did get a call and I'm fourth in line. At the moment. I could be bumped for someone with an actual adoptive placement in their home at any moment. Nice catch-22... those with pre-adoptive placements already in the home get first dibs on the SW's time, but I can't get a pre-adoptive placement until I finish this homestudy. I did feel a little selfish in wanting to be ahead of the family who've had their placement for four years before getting to this point. But then again, maybe a little selfishness is in order.

The cuddler continues to charm all those who meet him. And he finally got his first tooth! It's slowly making it's first appearance, but according to my cousin it's quite sharp. (he's also learning biting!) I tried to get him to eat some avocado pieces last night, but he wasn't having it. We'll be moving onto carrots pieces this weekend.

Any ideas on what to do for Easter? I'm really wanting to do the whole easter basket thing, but can't figure out what to put in it

False Alarm

Apparently, the visit was with a parent... not some random person from out of the blue, probably. And no one ever bothered to officially notify me of it. Or the cuddler's actual CW, for that matter. She was very surprised when I asked about it, but apparently unconcerned because she didn't really bother to find out who the visit was with for sure, since he was returned unharmed and all.

In the meantime, I'm still waiting for an adoption worker to call me. I'm not really being all that pushy at the moment since it's spring break and once school starts again, I'll be finding out if my job is going to eliminated or if someone who can take my job is having their job eliminated. After five years I'm still at the bottom of the list - two jobs have to eliminated, so it could very well be me. It's driving my anxiety up more than just a tick.

Not to be an Eyeore or anything, but, of course, there is another possible wrench thrown into the works. Although I am surprised that this didn't wait to happen until after I had the (3rd!) homestudy completed.

Just When I Was Starting To Get Used To The Idea...

"the cuddler" had a mysterious visit this morning - with who is currently unknown... does this mean they've found another family member? Maybe someone will let me know another day.

Meanwhile, my paperwork has been completed for a week now and no one has bothered to set up any appointments or even call about the actual homestudy. Maybe I should move my projections to some time in 2011.

Finally!

All the paperwork has been received (found!) and has been passed on to an adoption worker.  Since it took nearly five months for the paperwork to be completed, any guesses on how long it takes the adoption to call me for the first (of four!) visit? I'm officially guessing that the homestudy should be completed sometime around September.

 

In other news, I still have the cuddler. For how long, I don't really know. Word on the street indicates it might be awhile, but for whatever reason, I'm only being approved for care on a month by month basis. It could be that things are still up in the air, relatives may be on the horizon or the new computer system that was installed a few months ago. (Apparently, it's making everyone's life miserable. Big shock, I know.) As always, I'll just keep plugging away.

Flattery will get you nowhere...

Yesterday I got a call about another placement. Apparently, I was recommended because the placement in question is somewhat a special needs one. The placement coordinator had A LOT information and told me to "think about it"... ominous don't you think?

I had to turn it down for the simple reason that two non-walkers make logistics of living very hard. I realize that parents of multiples do it all the time, but right now it's not a good time for me to do that.

Passed Annoyed About A Month Ago

So, the state STILL does not have my medical form... despite it being faxed to them numerous times. My fingerprints STILL have not been spit back (my Lord in Heaven! you'd think they'd just print out the "no criminal history" form every month just in case I have to be fingerprinted AGAIN). And have I seen a single social worker for a visit? NO! And YES! I have to go through FOUR home visits even though I am a licensed foster home with current placements. That means this stupid paperwork that was started in NOVEMBER is not even close to being done and probably won't be done until sometime next November.

Two days ago I emailed the "paperwork" person (note: this is this person's sole duty. Gather papers.) to ask if I could physically carry the medical paperwork from the doctor's office to her office and hand it to her... since faxing seems to be way too difficult. Nope. They must fax it again. Can I hired a messenger service? Have them send it Fed-Ex? Nope. They must fax it again. Seriously, I want to scream.

Note that I've heard nothing about the fingerprints. Have they been accepted? I don't know. Are they being run? I don't know. Will I ever get to actually adopt a child? I don't know. But every day that passes makes me wonder just how likely it actually is.

No sleep

the cuddler, while cute and smiley, is NOT sleeping through the night. I wish I could nap... but for now, I have to settle for falling asleep by 8.30pm. In fact, I'm yawning my head off as I type this....

Subscribe to HedgetoadCottage

23 months

Since there is no 29 this year...

Cuddles had his first trip to church today - he was so good! Of course, he could have had a screaming hissy fit, the kind that make your ears bleed and they would have been thrilled to see him. He was the youngest person there by about 30 years...

While there I suddenly realized that I'm almost in the exact same spot I was a year ago this time. Planning outings around nap times and wondering if I'll ever get an Easter where the basket can hold more than a large chicken...

Oh, yes. Cuddles loves chicken clucking. Hearing a chicken sound makes him laugh out loud and given that he's a baby boy, probably pee also. I found a rather large and overpriced chicken at the grocery store the other day and he loved it. I'm pretty sure I'll be buying it in April for Easter.

Also, does anyone have tips on what to do about peeing in the bathtub? Boys are just massive random urinators, but this child pees every time he gets a toe in the tub. EVERY TIME. How do you get clean wash water with this?

Napping

ah.. the life... time revolving around the nap schedule. Nothing is more sweet!

Last night, I took *the cuddler* to the basketball game. It was all an effort to keep him up to a decent time. For the past couple of days, he's fallen asleep at 6pm and, of course, waking up at 4.30 am. oof. So, a little more action that I can provide was needed. I played pass the baby with another teacher there and another fan entertained him with her jewelry. *the cuddler* loves bright shiny jewelry. Now, I just have to come up with something for today... the weather is nice, so I'm thinking a nice walk this afternoon and possibly a trip to the river. Or perhaps a trip to Olympia to visit friends.

People always ask me about his bio family and I always tell them I have no idea other than he's healthy enough for me to assume that someone loved him a lot. The next question is always as to whether or not if the state has told me anything. It's really easier to just to tell them "nope" and leave it at that. I don't want to break confidentiality and a lot of what I know is just supposition anyways. It does however, shock people that I would be expected to care for a child I know nothing about and perhaps it doesn't cast the state is a very positive light, but I just don't know what else to say... any tips?

We made it through the night - "the cuddler" did not really go to sleep until 11pm(!), but did sleep through the night until I woke him up at 6.30am (he was only lightly sleeping at that time). Tonight, he fell asleep at 6.45pm. I'm wondering how long it will last... but we will getting up much earlier tomorrow morning as "the cuddler" is starting daycare.

In the meantime, I've discovered that "the cuddler" loves to be held and cuddled. He's got one of those fantastic wide toothless grins that make people want to have a baby. Although he cannot sit up well, he's crawling everywhere he can. Why sit, when you can move? pretty much sums his playing attitude. He's already got us on our toes!

Brrrriiiinnng!

Just when I was telling myself not to feel sorry for myself and that I was already blessed... stop being bloody boring, I got a phone call.

I picked up a beautiful baby boy this evening. He was full of smiles all evening. Of course, he's now full of "I'm not sleeping and you can't make me". Thank God my mother was in town to help out. Otherwise I'd be going mad with amount of work I had planned on doing this evening that must be done.

On a high note, a boy means more shopping! Sadly, probably not much. I'm really hoping that a family member will step up soon. It's obvious to me that someone really loves this little boy and wanted to care for him.

Every morning I get up, go to work and basically live my life until noon. Then I get out my cell phone and turn it back on (we're not allowed to have them on while students are about) and watch it until it I have to put it away again. Once the students are gone, I pull it back out and watch it until 5pm.

Then I check off another day of waiting and start the clock on the next one.

I'd say that life sucks, but really it doesn't. I, apparently, just want to obsess on the phone ringing.

Closer?

categories

when someone signs up for "foster-to-adopt" they are licensed as a foster parent and do all the adoption stuff to. Usually people do this in hopes of being matched faster or adopt a child that may be not likely to be available. Like a baby. As a licensed foster parent, you can have a child placed in your home before they are legally free to be adopted. This is where risk comes in... the higher the risk the greater the chance that the child will be reunified with a birth parent or other family member.

In the highest risk category, every child that is placed in the home is on track to reunified with their bio-parent or family member. They are on that track until they aren't. The foster parent has no control over this at all and in all ethical and moral ways needs to support that goal as best they can without jepardizing anyone's safety.

While the caseworker may tell the foster parent that the child will probably become available for adoption, I was told emphatically during my PRIDE classes that the same caseworker is telling the bio-parent they can work the case plan and get their child back and/or searching for other family members. That knowledge is always lurking in the background and has to be treated with respect before jumping in the pool.

FWIW, the lowest risk is basically a straight adoption, it just moves a little faster than the court system. Since the adoptive family is already a licensed foster parent, the child can be moved to the adoptive home a little quicker. Not being one of these, I really don't know how much of a difference it makes.

Also -> none of this applies to private agenies, states other than mine or cross-state adoptions.
Last -> I was told by a reader that my state will no longer do "foster-to-adopt", again, I'm NOT and expert, and each county sets it's own rules... probably each office. Who knows.

Take everything with a grain of salt

Annoyed

Today I broke down and emailed the placement coordinator to ask why I hadn't received any calls in the last two months. He, of course, called back me immediately. Such, the used car salesman! Always wanting to keep people as happy as he can... because you never know what is around the corner.

 

Anyhoo... while talking with him, I find out that A. I was previously categorized in the most risk category... and B. all placements that aren't all that risky go directly to the adoption workers... not people on the list. Since I'm not currently ON the adoption list (still haven't heard word one since early Dec.), of course, NOONE WILL CALL ME. Ahhhh... the light bulb turns on.

 

So, first, I changed back to the most risk category. Yeah, it's sad when kids go home, but at least the new one will be a distraction and I do get over it. At least with positive updates, I do. (Lala is doing well, and I trust the people at her new daycare) Second, I emailed the adoption workers. I'd call, but I'm way better in emails (I can write "grovel" better than speak it) and usually everyone's voice mail is so packed that it takes hours to go through them, let alone begin the return calls.

 

Hoops, hoops and more hoops.

In Stores Now!

Apparently, I'm in a hopefull mood because I spent most of the day hanging around E*- bay... so far I've purchased two lots of clothing (one is a really cute dress with a pink monster on the front) and I'm just waiting now for bumbo auction to end. I have no idea if I'll ever need one, but if I do, I'll be prepared. And they really are very handy if your baby cannot sit upright by him/herself.

Sometime next week a horde of boxes will be slowly making their way to my doorstep. Hopefully, they won't be waylaid by more floods and bad weather.

Speed Up and Down

So, there was a rumor that the number of people referred for an adoption from China had increased significantly this month... and now there are several new rumors that that really isn't true. I know that some people are really hoping it is and I'll admit that I went and checked my special savings account this morning and added more money to it... but I'm sorry to say that if I'm on this ride it ain't going to go go fast. I am one of "those" people for whom things just don't go quickly or according to plan. Sorry.

 

Last night I had a quick chat with the placement coordinator for my "area" - and lucky me, if I want to take in teens I can have three right now! Then we talked about high school history classes. Yah. So no news on that front either.

Meanwhile...

I really like elipses. Really, really. Just to let you know...

I decided to leave my "designation" as possible adoptive placement - which is what it was (probably)... I re-read the email several times, and did a lot of soul searching... wrote a bunch of really painful, "pity-party" posts (which you I'll spare you from reading) and it really came down to being honest with myself. I'm still grieving the loss of Lala. And I worry about her all her time. Sometimes I even cry. Some days I curse fate. Some days I curse myself... it's all a process I guess. To me this means that "whatever goes" category, just isn't for me. The alternative end isn't either... since I'm sure to go insane waiting that long.

So, I'm waiting again. And really working to distract myself from looking at the phone. Luckily, there are lots and lots of blogs to read.

p.s. today I found an very interesting looking children's consignment shop. I didn't go in, but I did make a note of it's location for future reference. they had a totally cute little skirt and sweater in the window...

decisions, decisions, decisions

For that last month and half, I've receive no phone calls from the placement office. That seemed strange as the holidays are stressful for everyone and those with bad coping skills would seem to make worse choices... but nada. I emailed my licensor to find out what I was categorized. Apparently, our placement desk does pay attention to such things. I'm currently categorized as only getting calls for pretty much an adoptive placement. Which means never. Especially since I've still heard nothing from the adoption workers and apparently their department was cut by half at the beginning of the year.

I could leave it like that and just wait for an adoption worker to call me, probably sometime in Feb or March. After all, waiting is something I've become pretty good at after three years. Then I would probably have to wait some more and who knows how long that would be. Could be a week, could be another year.

I could change it to another designation. One choice is change it "more than likely would become an adoptive placement". This is a somewhat sketchy category. What appears in the initial intake is not what will be the next month or 6 months down the road. After all Lala was one of those who initially seemed pretty likely, but obviously wasn't as time went on. The other category could be termed "call me, what happens, happens". This might be for the people who truly believe that God has a plan for everything and fate is absolute. Honestly, I have real problems with that theory and it probably isn't the category for me.

However, I also problems with the "more than likely" category. Obviously, it's a not a done deal and will be very painful when the knife cuts the other way. I don't know if I can that again. At the same time, I don't know how much longer I want to sit around waiting for a phone call that seems to never come.

Last Weekend

Just two and half more days left until it's back to school... are you ready? Have you been snowbound so long that your cabin fever has turned in cabin insanity? Me neither.

I'm still attempting to organize my "project room". The biggest stumbling block is my paperwork. Lord have mercy, does it pile up. I need to figure out some way to organize them and a way of discern what is important and what is not. Yesterday I found credit card bills from 1997...

So my goal for this weekend is to figure out what to do with all of these papers and get rid of what is not needed. My other goal for the weekend is to finish quilting a baby quilt that's been held together with gigantic safety pins for the better part of a year.

My real resolution for 2009? Finishing!

Subscribe to HedgetoadCottage